Awesome Points

It's a good thing I don't keep track of "man points." If I did, I would have taken some serious hits at my lunchtime break with Ross, Megan, and Frank. It was pointed out that a) I can't hit the low notes in rockband, and b) I know way too much about figure skating. That pirouette I did leaving the conversation probably would have put the nail in the coffin. Wait, "nail in the coffin" sounds like it involves tools. Way too manly. Let's try that again. That pirouette I did leaving the conversation probably would have been the last ingredient in the muffin recipe. Better.

As it turns out, I find my days are much better without worrying about my man points. I instead keep track of what I like to call "awesome points" It's an elaborate scoring system

Jokes that elicit smiles and mild laughter receive 5 awesome points
Jokes that cause lots of laughs get 10 awesome points
Any jokes that result in clapping or spit takes merit 20 awesome points
Jokes that no one gets or jokes that are interrupted before the punch line are -20 awesome points. This is to discourage frivolous joke telling.

Drinking a beer earns 10 awesome points
Throwing up loses 50 awesome points
Drinking another beer within 10 minutes of throwing up is worth double (20 points)
Irresponsible? Perhaps.

Successfully making EasyMac gets 15 awesome points
Forgetting to add water to EasyMac and setting off the smoke alarm and having the dorm evacuate late at night is worth negative 1,000 awesome points

Having two capital letters in your first name is worth 50 awesome points.
Having two first names is worth 100 awesome points (ex.: Neil Patrick Harris)
Having your nickname be "The Punisher" is worth 500 awesome points.

Eating a bowl of lucky charms is worth 15 awesome points.
Eating a bowl of Kellogg's Smart Start is worth negative 15 points.
Haters to the left.

Being on a boat is worth 700 awesome points.
Being on a boat wearing a nautical-themed pashmina afghan nets you 1,500 awesome points
Being on a boat with T-Pain is worth 5,000 awesome points
Note: Should one ever be on a boat with T-Pain WHILST wearing a nautical themed pashmina afghan, they would have infinite awesome points, and would be exempt from further scoring.

If someone accuses you of trickin, but it in fact aint trickin because you got it, you have earned 600 awesome points.

There are other situations that will earn points. This is just a rough overview to get you started. For further consideration, see "Awesome Points - An Overview" by J Tizzle. 39 U.S. 172 (2008)