Monday, March 30, 2009

Shout out

Shout out to the Pac Frat co-ed softball team for the big win tonight! We dominated.

A related shout out goes to the other team for not showing up.

Pulling the plug on ER the hard way

For those who may not know, I am a TV nut. I enjoy it a lot when shows do special one-hour episodes, or if the show is usually one hour, sometimes they have two-hour events. And I got mad love for the Peacock, but this time NBC has taken it too far. After more seasons on the air than the Octo-mom has kids (true story, it's 15 to 14) ER's final episode airs Thursday night. It is a not 1, not 2, but a 3 HOUR FINALE. As much as I love TV, this is absurd. I could drive to the theater and watch a movie in that time. It's a TV show people. And this is the American people we are talking about here. Attention spans can't be held that long. Especially not in our own homes. Especially not with commercials.

And so I propose a rule to all TV networks. Any special event shall not exceed double the normal running time. If a show is an hour, specials shouldn't be over two. There's a reason they are how long they are, and there's no need to mess with that to the point where its out of control. As an avid 30 Rock and Office viewer, you can bet I'm pissed about the finale. I will just have to find something else to watch in my Sngggie.

And by "find something else to watch" I mean "work on my brief"
And by "Snuggie" I mean "carrel...whilst wearing my Snuggie."

ShamWow First Aid

Amidst the march madness, bluebooking, and beerlympics, we must sometimes take a minute that real world news is happening. And so you can imagine it was quite a shock when I saw this little tidbit.

According to the Smoking Gun, Vince Shlomi aka the ShamWow Guy was arrested last month for assaulting a prostitute. Beyond its headline, the details of this story amuse me greatly. Apparently, after paying $750 for a hotel room and $1,000 for a prostitute, the ShamWow Guy began to kiss the woman. She bit down on his tongue and would not let go. His solution? He punched her in the face until she would. Really, ShamWow guy? To borrow a joke from Jimmy Fallon, have you no sham?

I think this calls for a new ShamWow product. Currently there is the ShamWow and the ShamWow mini. The mini is roughly 15" x 15" ShamWow guy, I am calling on you to release ShamWow First Aid - even smaller band aid/gauze pad size ShamWows that can hold ten times their weight in bodily fluids. Got a cut or nosebleed? ShamWow First Aid will soak that right up in no time. And then you would get to wring it out! It's a gold mine. And so I am calling on you, ShamWow Guy, to start the marketing for this. If I don't hear anything from you, I'll assume the cat's got your tongue.

For the record, both were arrested for felony aggravated battery, but prosecutors didn't file official charges against either.

Here's a link to a little blurb, complete with unattractive mugshot: http://www.ottawacitizen.com/Technology/ShamWow+arrested+after+hotel+fight+with+woman+Smoking/1436935/story.html

Sunday, March 29, 2009

My man does it again

He's gone and done it again. Not one year ago, I was on a couch, watching Tiger on the 18th green at Bay Hill, tied for the lead with a birdie putt. The commentators said "He hasn't made a putt outside of 20 feet all week, and this one's 22." He steps up and drills it for the win. Dead center. I went nuts. It is times like these that I love Roxanne (my TiVo) cause I definitely watched that a good number of times.

Well, a year and a knee surgery later, Eldrick found himself in the same place - tied for the lead, 18th hole, birdie putt to win. The putt this year was 16 feet. Instead of on my couch, I was on my bed, but I without a doubt yelled just as loudly (the dorm can attest I'm sure) when he sank it for the win...AGAIN. The guy is nuts. His third tournament back from knee surgery and about 8 months off the tour and he's back winning again. And oh yeah, he started the day 5 strokes back. Aint no thang.
Tiger, you are truly the man. After a weekend of my bracket getting busted over and over again, Tiger has given me such an energy that only a memorandum of law in support of plaintiff's motion for summary judgment can take away.

Another great commentary this year:

Tiger is hitting an approach shot, aims to the right of the green.
Commentators: "what's he doing aiming all the way over there?" "I'm not really sure"
Tiger hits the shot, it land middle of the green and spins left and back to about 3 feet from the cup
Commentators: "I think he knows what he's doing out there"

Yeah, I think he does.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

Tennis?!!? I hardly know her!

Those who know me best know tennis is one of my favorite sports, be it playing or watching. Walk in my room and you will see a large Rafael Nadal poster hanging nest to an equal sized Federer poster. Truth be told, while fans of both, I have always been a Nadal man first.

The tennis scoring system is one of the strangest things known to man, and must have been invented to make people feel better about themselves.

You just scored one point? Well guess what, you've got 15! What? Man, I must be really good!

I got another point! How much do I have now? 30!?!? I love this game.

I haven't scored yet, do I have zero? No, zero's too depressing. You have love. Awww. Love. I almost don't want to score.

Miss a serve? No problem. You get another one. If it's really close, you can have two more.

The system makes absolutely no sense. This is the only plausible explanation I can think of. But perhaps it's origins in making people feel better is a reason why I like the sport so much. If so, I'm not complaining. So here's to love games everywhere.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

A Trio of Shout outs

Three shout outs for tonight.

1) To Ryan, for cleaning out the house refrigerator. Whoever left that stuff in there way too long, we will probably never know, but thanks goes to Ryan for stepping up and taking care of it.

2) To Jill. This week Jill has had to sit through a lot of dinners as the only female at the table, or one of the few. Let's just say she has endured more than her share of "guy conversations" and takes it well. She even contributes. Jill, you're awesome.

3) To DeVon, for coining the phrases "You just got Blaued" and "Blau Nuggets" It was a healthy part of a hilarious dinner tonight.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Box Office

Tonight, I introduce a segment called "One of Tizzle's favorite movies that you have probably either never seen or think is terrible." Or, as I like to call it, OOTFMTYHPENSOTIT. I make no excuses for my taste in movies. Some I like, others I don't, others are just ok. That's just the way it is.

Tonight's OOTFMTYHPENSOTIT is a early '00s (I still am looking for a decent name for this decade) thriller starring Colin Farrell, Keifer Sutherland, Forrest Whitaker, and Katie Holmes. It's called "Phone Booth." When I heard about this movie, I remember being skeptical. "How can a whole movie take place inside a phone booth?" I remember thinking, in a much higher pitched voice. Well, I was not dissapointed. For those unfamiliar, here is the idea (without giving much away) - guy goes into a phone booth to make a call, starts talking to a crazy guy who makes him do whatever he wants and doesn't let him leave the booth. It's somehow simple yet crazy.

I like this movie for several reasons. First, as you may have guessed, I like it because they play no games with the title. Second, fellow 24 fans like myself know that Keifer has a great threatening voice. In 24, we get two volumes: yelling and whispering. Phone Booth opened me up to a whole new side of Keifer - regular volume talking. He does the creepy twisted voice a little too well. Kind of like Colin's a little too good at playing the D-bag...hmm....Third, it is short. 81 minutes. I don't need a 2 and a half hour thrill ride. That's too much thrill. Especially in a movie like this.

SPOILER ALERT: Do not read any further if you have some desire to see the movie and have not. The fourth reason I like this movie is because you are thinking "alright, he's gotta get out of the booth soon, right?" the WHOLE time. This can't be it, right? Oh but it is. I didn't think they could pull it off but they do. I can't imagine being stuck in somewhere like that for so long where I would have to stand up the whole time. As a kid, trying to stand through the whole Palm Sunday gospel was bad enough. And that was probably about 7 minutes. I'm a sitter, and I always will be.

SPOILER ALERT AVERTED

Colin Farrell in real life has a pretty serious irish accent. His American with a healthy taste of New York in this one is fantastic. I am always impressed at actors who can do that.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Buffalo Wings

As a true sports fan, I love buffalo wings. The spicier the better, gimme a tub o ranch, and I am down like a comforter. But you may also know I don't like things that are not what they claim to be. So I gotta take a little bit of issue here.

Buffaloes do not have wings. This is pretty clear, because they cannot fly. The fact that they lasted as long as they have as a species is actually astonishing. Char-Dizzle (Darwin to most people), I know you're with me on this one. They should call it survival of the fittest + buffaloes. Because Colorado needs a mascot I guess...

The simplest explanation is that buffalo wings are chicken wings with buffalo sauce. Ok, chickens have wings. More on that later. But hold the phone...buffalo sauce? Is this sauce made out of buffaloes? Do buffaloes like it? Did they invent it? Are buffaloes known for being saucy individuals? Frankly, I don't see how buffaloes have the remotest connection to the delicious spicy sauce that covers my wings. My sources on the inside say we're about 17 years away from being able to translate animal brain waves into thoughts. When we do, I will find a buffalo, hook him up, inform him of the situation, and we'll see the reaction. I'll keep you posted.

If what I am eating is really chicken wings, then how are their "boneless buffalo wings?" There is no way that this is the same part of the chicken. I don't think boneless buffalo wings are really "wings" at all. For that matter, I'm not even sure chicken wings are.

Like I said, I love the food, so I won't complain too much, but food that claims to be something else is frontin like my momma (the opposite of stuntin like my daddy).

Full disclosure: My mom does not front. She is awesome. Mom, if you're reading, I love you.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Shout out and more

My apologies for the lack of posting over the weekend. Between the bluebook exam, and being out of town, blawegsome took a hit. Sorry to my followers.

A special shout out goes to Mark for his unwavering hospitality. I have stayed with him in Williamsburg (or as Hornbook might call it, the fake Williamsburg) for I think 3 of the past 6 weekends. Much love homie, you the man.

New invention in the works - I need something to remind me that I have leftover food that is in the fridge and needs to be eaten. I really am terrible about remembering that I have food. There's not really a joke in there, I'm just really bad at it. So, if you're looking for some free food, employ the following steps:
1) Go with me to a restaraunt that has very large portions
2) Take me back to your place and convince me that I should put my food in the fridge.

Bam! You will have free food as soon as it's time for me to go. There's got to be an iPhone app or something for people like me. I'll keep you posted.

Why is Abbreviate such a long word?

Cause it's frontin'. Like palindrome. enough said, moving on. I had the following dream last night.

Scientists discovered that a far away star was nearing meltdown and implosion. When this happened, it would send toxic rays towards the Earth. There is a gene that makes some people impervious to the rays. Those without the gene die a fairly swift death. Who has the gene? All women and select men. To determine if you were one of the men, you had to get a shot, and if you had the gene, your thumb would turn blue. The social chaos that ensued was remarkable.

Some people say dreams are a window to the subconscious. Others say we dream about the last thing we think about before we go to sleep. I'm gonna go ahead and throw those out right now. I am pretty sure nowhere in my subconscious do I even come close to imagining imploding toxic stars. And rarely do I dream about how many hours I have before I have to get up. Here is my theory on dreams.

Dreams are like a drill Sergeant living with your friend who is worse at things than you. They are the great equalizer. When you are down on yourself and things aren't goin well, your brain knows whats up. That night you are dreaming about chillin on the beach with a celebrity, and you just can't help but feel awesome. It's an esteem booster, like beating your friend at something. The cycle continues until you're on top of your game. When your crunkswagga is maxed out, and pimpin IS easy, the drill Sergeant takes over. You brain cooks up some messed up scenario (see above) just to remind you that you are still weird. Some days you wake up and say "awww yeah..." and others its "what?" It's all part of the cycle. Cause at the end of the day (pun intended) those of us mortals, aka those of us not named Steve Nash, can't be juiced up all the time. Or, as a good friend once told me, "cause not everyone can bring the pain a hundred percent of the time so you gotta get it where you can."

Friday, March 20, 2009

Man vs Beast

Over the years, FOX has had some great specials. But the one that stands out in my mind above all others has got to be Man vs. Beast. This was probably about 6 years ago. The show pitted humans against animals in physical challenges. Some were pretty evenly matched - 44 little people were strapped to a commercial jet and raced to pull it faster than an elephant. The elephant beat them by a tusk. Others seemed unfairly organized - a gymnast beat an orangutan in a hanging contest on a technicality when the orangutan let go of the bar with one hand. Who makes a rule like that? How is an animal supposed to know that he's not allowed to do that? That's like Michael Phelps swimming against a dolphin and disqualifying the dolphin for an illegal flip turn. Or challenging an aardvark to a staredown where he is not allowed to be awesome.

But the most unfair was without a doubt the hot dog eating contest, which pitted Takeru Kobayashi, then considered the greatest hot dog eater in the world, against a hungry, 1,089 pound Kodiak BEAR. Seriously, how is that anyone thought this was going to be a matchup? I stumbled across the video recently, which I've attached at the bottom. It's still classic. Kobayashi looks on in fear as the bear just chows down dog after dog. The commentary is hilarious, as is the post-match interview. Although, I am still upset they didn't get an interview with the bear himself.

Potential future man vs. beast match-ups:
-Ryan Shannon vs. A sloth in a 40 yard dash (let's hope it's at least a two hour special)
-Jill vs. A screech owl in who can make a higher pitched noise
-Tim vs. A pig in a jello-eating contest. This could be grippingly close.
-DeVon vs. A tiger in a cool-walk contest. For those who don't know, DeVon has the coolest, most laid back walk I have ever seen. After a semester of trying to imitate it, I still can't even come close. I do try though, much to his chagrin. As for the tiger, they slink pretty cool, so could be close...oh, who am I kidding. Simmons in a blowout.

The link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgqbCq_sxmo

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Go Hang a Salami. I'm a Lasagna Hog.

The title is my favorite palindrome (spelled the same forwards as backwards). Credit goes to Kimi for opening my eyes to it. While I do love palindromes, I've got a bit of a beef. Shouldn't the word for something that describes spelling symmetry be able to be spelled the same backwards itself? Palindrome, you are a hypocrite. What exactly is an emordnilap?

Personally, i can't get enough of palindromes. That's why I had my mom install radar on my kayak. I never miss an opportunity to yell "Yo banana boy" or watch nurses run. I'm currently writing a screenplay where every character's name is a palindrome, and they only speak in palindromes. Spoiler Alert: There's a great part where Dr. Awkward asks Evil Olive, "Was it a car or a cat I saw?" and she responds "A toyota's a toyota." I dunno, maybe you've gotta be there. And by there, I mean the setting of the screenplay, DNA-land. Anyway, palindromes are awesome, and there needs to be more of them in the world.

Full disclosure, I actually am a lasagna hog. I can't get enough of the stuff. Great. Now I'm hungry.

Mascot Battle

Ok, to all my haters out there who have requested I stop writing about basketball, I'll have you know that while this is basketball related, it is really about the mascots. My friend Erin tonight mentioned she would be filling her bracket out based on which mascot would win in a fight. This method produces some interesting first round and projected matchups, but also some problems down the road...

-Orangemen vs. Lumberjacks. I'm not sure here, but there is one thing I know for sure. I do not want to ever run into an orange lumberjack. Terrifying.
-Zags vs. Zips. What?
-Illini vs. Hilltoppers. Again....what?
-Tigers vs. Crimson. Tigers have a tough one here. I don't know how you beat a color...
-Cougars vs. Aggies. A decent match only if cougars are animals, and not older women seeking young men. However, I would pay much more money to see the latter matchup.
-Longhorns vs. Gophers. Gophers might have had a shot against regulation horns, but not against those longhorns.
-Spartans vs. Colonials. One word - Crunkswagga.

While the early rounds won't be a problem, Erin has some potential trouble looming in the west region, where the projected semifinals pit the Huskies vs. Huskies and Tigers vs. Tigers. Trouble in Hooville. We'll see how it turns out.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

The Rational Ratio

Today I heard one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. A friend who shall remain nameless told me that in college, he and his friends were dunk one night and decided to go to White Castle. On it's face, this is not so bad, but here's the kicker. The White Castle was in JERSEY and his college was in Farmville, VIRGINIA. A six and a half hour drive for White Castle? To borrow a phrase from Richard, "SIR!.......SIR!" 6 and a half hours is bad enough. The fact that you went to Jersey makes it even worse. A longer trip to New York would have been way more acceptable. But as is, I have to question this decision. Well, since you were drunk, the decision I am questioning is that of the driver? Who drives drunk people 6 and a half HOURS to JERSEY for white castle? Have some self respect, man.



To protect against situations like this, I've established what I like to call as the rational ratio. It works like this - the farther away something is, the more awesome it must be to warrant a trip there. As you can see by the chart, it's roughly exponential, meaning that as the travel time increases, something has got to be more and more awesome. The chart here stops at 2 hours, and is already up at 8 on the awesome scale, so you can just imagine how high the awesomeness would have to be to warrant a 6.5 hour trip. Given that it was White Castle, he had to do Drive Thru, and it was Jersey, I'd say my friend fell far short of the awesomeness requirement.

I keep a copy of the rational ratio in my wallet. Whenever a trip is suggested, all it takes is a quick calculation of expected awesomeness and travel time, and the ratio will help you make the right decision. Full disclosure: The ratio is just a guideline. Factors like available alternatives, who is driving, if you can sleep, and previous experience with the activity all push the scale up and down. In the end it's often a judgement call.

Monday, March 16, 2009

On A Stick

I recently saw an insurance commercial that had a ice cream man trying to sell Popsicles without the sticks. It reminded me of a conversation I had with Nick and DeVon a few weeks ago about how everything is better when you put it on a stick. It's portable practical, and not just for Popsicles anymore. Take corn dogs - if you tried to sell a hot dog wrapped up in cornbread batter and deep fried, not a chance. But put it on a stick and BAM. It's golden. Bags of cotton candy do not sell nearly as well as cotton candy on a stick. Weird looking chicken? Meh...I'll pass. Weird looking chicken on a stick? Hey, I'll try anything once. Little cheese cubes are impossible to resist when the toothpick with which I will stab them and eat them off of is readily available. Marshmallows are roasted on sticks, and true campers forgo the crackers and chocolate and eat the marshmallow right off the stake.

I could go on and on. Food is just better on a stick. If you've read a couple posts, you know I'm a big fan of top-10 lists. So now, my top 10 list of foods that need to be on sticks.

1. Twinkies. I do realize that this would mean a slight reduction in cream filling (to make room for the stick) but its a sacrifice I would be willing to make.
2. Ravioli. Pile 4 or 5 of those bad boys and you're good to go.
3. Pot stickers. A food with "stick" in the name deserves to be on one.
4. Cauliflower. I don't like cauliflower. I would not eat it if it was on a stick. I just think it deserves to be stabbed.
5. Beef. There's a little of this, but not nearly enough. I need more meats on sticks.
6. Nilla Wafers. Sticks will be the key to inspiring the N.W. comeback our country needs.
7. Sushi. We already use chopsticks. Why not take next step?
8. Chicken Nuggets. Delicious already. If I could avoid the greasy fingers afterwards, I'm be on cloud 9.
9. Jello. It's alive!
10. Krispy Kreme Donuts. Similar to Chicken Nuggets.

When this whole law school thing doesn't work out for me, I will start a restaurant that will serve everything on sticks. It's gonna be sweet. Still working on the name - suggestions welcome. I'll keep you posted.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Bluebook Madness?

Today, many college basketball teams across the country will have their bubbles burst when the brackets come out and they have not been chosen to compete. Something they have been looking forward to for months will be suddenly diminished. I had a similar bubble bursting feeling yesterday. First, some background knowledge. My seven favorite days of the year are as follows:

1. The first Thursday of the NCAA Tournament (16 games)
2. The first Friday of the NCAA Tournament (16 games)
3. Selection Sunday (ACC, Big 10 Championships + Brackets released)
4. Pre-Selection Saturday (Countless Conference Championships, Semifinals, and hours of bubble watch)
5. Sweet Sixteen Saturday (8 games)
6. Sweet Stixteen Sunday (8 games)
7. My Birthday

I live for the madness. I petitioned by undergraduate office of the registrar for permission to major in bracketology. I was sadly denied. I thrive on the competition, to have a better bracket than my peers, the ESPN experts, and most importantly, my calculator, who makes a bracket every year with a weighted random number generator. To make a long story short (too late), the T stands for brackeTs (not Tyrone).

Thus, you can imagine my bubble bursting when I found out that the bluebook exam was scheduled from Friday to Monday of said amazing weekend. Really? Really, bluebook exam committee? I really really really do not like this. What is wrong with the next weekend? I'll tell you what...NOTHING. To borrow an analogy, this whole situation is as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. I don't know if the exam has been scheduled on opening weekend in years passed, but I would love to see corellation between number of NCAA tournament games the weekend of the bluebook exam and average exam score. I imagine it would be about as negative as the pregnancy test I just took for fun. So thanks a lot, bluebook exam committee. I guess here's looking forward to June 12th...

*The analogy above was borrowed from a link Duarte just sent me. They have teachers submit the worst/strangest analogies and metaphors that their students write, and the "best" ones are published. It's pretty funny: http://chasingdaisy.com/2007/01/19/like-a-hefty-bag-filled-with-vegetable-soup/

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Living the Dream

My mother and sister went on a shopping excursion this afternoon. The usual result of this is the purchase of several items which I have no interest in whatsoever. But today was different, for they returned with a box of ShamWows. That's right, I'm livin the dream. Cloaked in my Snuggie with ShamWow in hand, I am a force to be reckoned with. I can clean spills, dry sweaters or dogs, or polish windows, all without sacrificing warmth. It is a new day, my friends.

Quick note on the Snuggie. On Jimmy Fallon last night, each member of the studio audience was given a Snuggie. Jimmy wore one, and Tracy Morgan came out in one and wore it for the interview. Tracy even called out an audience member who took his off early. The bast part of it all, though, was without a doubt seeing The Roots in Snuggies. For those who don't know, the Roots are Jimmy's late night band. Questlove was just shaking his head, and Black Thought just hung his head in shame. Seeing them in the Snuggies was pretty awesome no doubt.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Whatever, I do what I want III

For the third installment of "Whatever, I do what I want!," the award goes to people whose addresses on their houses are spelled out. You know what I'm talking about - "Eighteen Twenty-Four" instead of 1824. In case it wasn't all ready difficult enough, they take it to the next level by writing it in some strange cursive font. I was told of an especially ridiculous one recently, "One thousand, Four hundred and..." There needs to be a rule established. If it is easier to tell your address by looking to the house on your left and then the house on your right and finding the middle, your writing is too pretentious and needs to be changed. Or, hey, how about a bright-line rule: Addresses must be numbers. No exceptions. So congratulations, address spellers. You have earned negative one thousand, twelve hundred, and sixty seven awesome points.

I just saw a preview for tonight's Jimmy Fallon. He and Tracy Morgan are wearing Snuggies, both the dark blue like mine. More on that tomorrow.

All-Meal Team

Over the last few years, two friends and I have made a tradition of compiling the all-NCAA Meal Team. These recipes combine delicious meals with top notch NCAA players. And so it is with great pleasure that I deliver the all-NCAA Meal Team

Danny Green Bean Casserole (UNC)
Hasheem ThaBeet Soup (UConn)
Kenneth Faried Chicken (Moorehead State)
John Lamb Chops (Moorehead State)
Garrett Shirley Temple (LSU)
Derrick Brownies (Xavier)
Robbie Hummel Hummus (Purdue)
James HardenSour Soup (Arizona State)
Stephen Curry Chicken (Davidson)
Eric Maynor Lobster (VCU)
Johnny Flynnguini (Syracuse)
Tyrese Rice Pilaf (Boston College)
Rodney Bananas Foster (Rice)
Mai Tai Lawson (UNC)
John Calamari (Memphis)

Perhaps more to come later. In other news, the Big East tournament has not disappointed. Syracuse and UConn went to 6 Overtimes yesterday. SIX! Frankly, there's just not enough of this in sports today. In hockey, they stop playing after an OT and go to a shoot out. In the NFL, it's just a tie (but don't tell Donovan McNabb). NCAA football does a little better, but once you get to 3 OTS you've got to go for two. Basketball's got it right here. If they're still tied, just let em keep playing. It's that simple. No new format, no new rules, just keep going, and we'll check back in 5 minutes to see where you're at. A couple tennis tournaments do this too by not having 5th set tiebreakers. What happens is great matches that will be remembered for a very long time. Nadal/Federer Wimbledon 2008 is a prime example. And now UConn Syracuse BET2009. If they're still tied, just let em play.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Big East Ballin

The Big East Tournament is going on currently in NYC. The Big East is a ridiculous conference, with 16 teams for basketball. The tourney's bracket is also one of the more ridiculous things I've ever seen. The bottom 8 seeds play the first day, seed 5-8 get byes to the second day, and seeds 1-4 get byes to the third day. It's pretty ridiculous, and has been thrilling so far.

The first game was DePaul vs. Cincinnati. Cincinnati was a bubble team (meaning they could still get into the NCAA tournament, but they would need to some damage. They're record of 18-14, 8-10 in the conference was looking pretty good against DePaul, who was 9-23, and a whopping 0-18 in the conference. Well, the fact that I am writing about it should give you an indication of the outcome. DePaul got the W, their first conference win of the season. What? 0-18 and you get your first win in the conference tourney? A great shout out for that.

Game 2 pitted St. Johns against Georgetown. Georgetown looked great early on before getting thrashed down the stretch. Even as the higher seed in the matchup, the Hoyas got the dagger from St. Johns. The good ole days of speculating that the Big East could get 10 teams in the tourney are pretty much done.

If Rutgers and USF could pull off the last two upsets, it would be amazing. You better believe I'll be pulling for it.

Sporcle

There are a lot of great time wasters out there. I have always been a fan of Text Twist. Games like this are great for procrastinating on your own, or you can do it with a few people around and have people yell stuff out. I was recently made aware of another website, sporcle.com. Sporcle games are all about filling in the lists. "The Office characters", "US Presidents" or "Pixar Movies" are a couple. There are all sorts of categories - TV, Sports, Gaming, Politics, Geography, Movies, and on and on.

The site is pretty addicting for some, so be warned. If you wanna try your hand, here's a list of some of my favorites, and some awesome points for completing them

O Canada: 40 Awesome Points. http://www.sporcle.com/games/text/ocanada

Seinfeld Characters: 50 Awesome Points. http://www.sporcle.com/games/seinfeldquotes.php

Harry Potter Spells: 300 Awesome Points. http://www.sporcle.com/games/potterspells.php

30 Rock Characters: 50 Awesome Points. http://www.sporcle.com/games/30rockcharacters.php

Countries of Antarctica: 10 Awesome Points. http://www.sporcle.com/games/antarctica.php

Chat Acronyms: 100 Awesome Points. http://www.sporcle.com/games/chatacronyms.php

What will Rick Astley Never Do?: 100 Awesome Points. http://www.sporcle.com/games/rickastleywillnever.php

:-)

To many, the idea of a mentally stimulating time waster seems contradictory and unwelcome. And don't get me wrong, I have a great time cutting ice to make vikings fall into ships too. But Sporcle's a good time too, just thought I would share.

Monday, March 9, 2009

TiVo! You know!

First off, apologies for the delay since my last post. A great weekend in Williamsburg is the reason. As a result, a weekend shout out to Mark and Henry, my old Tower boys. A great reunion was had by all.

A recent "Blawegsome in the Real World" note - An employee of the Philadelphia Eagles was just fired for posting a facebook status about his disapproval of the team letting Brian Dawkins sign with the Broncos. As a result, his status ("Dan is [expletive] devastated about Dawkins signing with Denver...Dam Eagles R Retarted!" has earned an honorary place on the recently posted Top-10 facebook status updates.

The phrase "love-hate relationship" doesn't describe what I have with Roxanne, my TiVo. The wording implies that it is equal parts love and hate. In reality, the love is like the time it takes hearing Tim's laughter to drive unpleasant thoughts out of your head (about .12 seconds) to the time it take Ryan to run a 40-yard-dash (no one has had the patience to ever record this) - one is just a lot more than the other. I've taken a list of Roxy's goods and bads and divided them up

Loves
-If a commercial for another show comes on, Roxy says "hit the thumbs up button to record the next showing" There are few things I love more than being able to record the next episode of Iron Chef whilst watching Pimp My Ride.
-When fast-forwarding through commercials, Roxy backs up automatically from when I hit play, so i just wait until I see my program back on, and when I hit play its at the end of the last commercial. When I'm watching 24, I just wait until the images get super-intense, and then I have 2 seconds about the story "How Fresh is your Fish? Tonight at 10!" to brace myself for the upcoming coaster ride
-Roxanne's Season Pass feature searches for my programs and records them whenever they play on any channel. Cause sometimes re-runs are just nice.
-I can have Roxy order a Domino's pizza for me. I don't even have to pick up the phone. Because if there was one thing I didn't like about the pizza delivery process, it just had too much human interaction.
-The fun sounds. Also, Roxy makes a great night light.

Hates
-This is my only hate. I once set Roxy to record programs she thought I would like. I trusted this wouldn't be too much free reign. I was horribly mistaken. One morning, I came back to the room only to find Roxy recording The View. I was livid, and immediately disabled the feature. This was the only dark moment in our history.

For those of you who have yet to experience life with TiVo, I will warn you: if you are in any way shape of form a TV junkie, even in the slightest, then exercise caution, my friends. Once you go TiVo, you never leave-o. I love Roxy to death, but I don't know how i would function without her.

More to come tomorrow. I promise.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Shout ooouts

Today's shout out goes to Richard, who informed me of the sale on Snuggies at his neighborhood friendly Walgreen's. I don't think I have ever been so happy with someone who habitually abuses me on the basketball court. Anyone who thinks the mid-range jump shot is a lost art hasn't played with Mr. Haywood. In the immortal words of Sean Connery, "you're the man now, dawg."

An additional, overdue shout out to Erin and her fellow moot court board peoples. A tizzle congrats

My personal Snuggie review

Significant moments often serve as the dividers of time. Well, I am glad to say that my life can now be divided into pre-Snuggie and post-Snuggie. Unfortunately, they both abbreviate the same way, so let's have pre-Snuggie be PS, and change post-Snuggie to Awesome Time, or AT.

That's right - I am a proud owner of a Snuggie. Like a kid on Christmas I opened the box and put it on. Early reviews are quite positive. When I first took it out, I noticed it was rather thin. I was worried that it wouldn't do the job. But putting it on, my fears were quashed. Despite it's lack of girth, the Snuggie keeps me remarkably warm. It is both lightweight and effective. It is soft to the touch, and the sleves are plenty long enough for my arms, but not super long to be a hassle. And the blanket itself is long enough and wide enough to keep me warm in any position. Because it is fleece, it may pick up crumbs and things, BUT it's machine washable!

The Snuggie also came with a reading light. The light comes with batteries included, which is amazing. It also is extremely easy to use - no on or off switches, its on when its open (in reading position) and off when its not.

With the brief wearing me down, this was the boost I needed. I've currently got the windows open so I can wear it around the room. God bless us, every one.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Tell it like it is

I like things that are exactly what they claim to be. Corn flakes don't beat around the bush. You know what's up - you're getting flakes made with corn. You can find "Airplane," "The 40-year-old Virgin," and "Ferris Beuller's Day Off." in my favorite movies collection, and on my DVD rack. I don't have to ask what those movies are about. I'm not saying movies that have deceptive titles are bad, but let's just say "Swordfish" was not what I was expecting. And it's a good thing I don't have to try to eat ACTUAL lucky charms.

TV show titles are hit-or-miss the same way. Sometimes you know what you are getting, other times not so much. A sampling...

How I Met Your Mother: actually about Ted trying to meet the mother of his children
2 and a Half Men: NOT about 2 men and half of another man's body

The Amazing Race: It's a race. Contestants would probably describe it as amazing. (viewers though?...eeee.....)
Survivor: Spoiler alert! There is not only one survivor - all 16 of them live through the show.

Human Wrecking Balls: Two guys destroy buildings and stuff.
Attack of the Show: The show will not actually attack you.

Deal or No Deal: Best name ever. Lays out the critical decision.
Who wants to be a Millionaire?: Me. Does that mean I win? Where is my money?

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition: They make over homes. Got it.
House: The show would be much less interesting if it was just footage of a house.
Flip that House: Would be MORE interesting if they had to literally FLIP a house.

Saturday Night Live: It's live, and on Saturday night. Shananananana
MadTV: This just in - TVs do not have emotions, and are thus incapable of being "mad"

Prison Break (Seasons 1 and 3): Were about breaking out of prison
Prison Break (Seasons 2 and 4): About running from the law and not going back to prison. The appropriate title would be "Ok We Broke Out. Now What? Oh Crap Run!" I have a feeling that didn't test too well with the audiences.

The all-star of deceptive titles has got to be "Fringe," which is about strange science and biological weapons, and NOT, as I originally thought, about many thin strips of fabric hanging off the arms of a jacket.

Facebook status

There are a few exceptions, but technological advances fit two general categories. They either (a) do good for society or make people's lives easier/better, or (b) provide bored people a way to waste time. Facebook status updates fit the former like a glove. And by the former, I mean the latter. In case my sarcasm didn't come across there. Man, computers are frustrating.

I can't tell you how many times I said, "Man. I wish I could tell all my friends right now what I was doing in the third person point of view. If only there was a way..." Besides the inability to speak in first person, my favorite thing about the status updates is that it stores old ones on your wall. So you play off old posts (Note: they do take them away if they are too close together. A few weeks ago I attempted to post "JT is eating a tricuit!" and then a minute later "JT is eating another triscuit!" Unfortunately, it took the first one away.

So I present my top 10 facebook status updates (in no particular order.)

1. "Tizzle is at the county jail. He traded his 1 phone call for 1 status update. Someone come bail him out!"

2. "Tizzle is on facebook, but this will no longer be current when class is over."

3. 11:58 p.m. "Tizzle is excited for his midnight solo run through the woods!"
KEY: Do not show up to class the next morning.

4. "Tizzle is...wait for it..."
KEY: Do not post for at least another 6 days

5. "Tizzle is doing terrible things to snow angels."

6. "Tizzle is amazed when people think JT ACTUALLY stands for 'Jamaal Tyrone.' C'mon people..."

7. "Tizzle was fairly drunk last night, but was pretty sure he did not shave his puppy..."

8. "Tizzle is right behind you."
(If I read this, I would totally turn around.)

9. "Tizzle is pretty sure no one will miss that old lady..."

10. "Tizzle is wondering if Special K rode the short bus growing up."

Feel free to leave your favorite in comments if you feel so inclined. If you've had trouble posting comments in the past, I changed the settings so now anyone should be able to post comments. Word.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Professor Quotes

These are a few good quotes my professors have thrown out over last semester and the current one. They are by no means all the good ones, there are certainly plenty that I did not write down and have since forgotten, but these are some pretty good ones.

"You look like cocker spaniels that have been spanked with a newspaper."

"They stick me with civil procedure. If I was teaching something like Torts, I'd be a superstar!"

"I got beer to drink - Thursday's on the way."

"And then you could go around dispensing justice." (I think this was referring to having a bazooka on your car.)


"She wasn't very good at poker. She died pretty soon thereafter"

"So you are opposed to selling babies. Are you opposed to selling body parts?"

"There is nothing more unpredictable than psychedelic mushrooms."