ShamWow First Aid

Amidst the march madness, bluebooking, and beerlympics, we must sometimes take a minute that real world news is happening. And so you can imagine it was quite a shock when I saw this little tidbit.

According to the Smoking Gun, Vince Shlomi aka the ShamWow Guy was arrested last month for assaulting a prostitute. Beyond its headline, the details of this story amuse me greatly. Apparently, after paying $750 for a hotel room and $1,000 for a prostitute, the ShamWow Guy began to kiss the woman. She bit down on his tongue and would not let go. His solution? He punched her in the face until she would. Really, ShamWow guy? To borrow a joke from Jimmy Fallon, have you no sham?

I think this calls for a new ShamWow product. Currently there is the ShamWow and the ShamWow mini. The mini is roughly 15" x 15" ShamWow guy, I am calling on you to release ShamWow First Aid - even smaller band aid/gauze pad size ShamWows that can hold ten times their weight in bodily fluids. Got a cut or nosebleed? ShamWow First Aid will soak that right up in no time. And then you would get to wring it out! It's a gold mine. And so I am calling on you, ShamWow Guy, to start the marketing for this. If I don't hear anything from you, I'll assume the cat's got your tongue.

For the record, both were arrested for felony aggravated battery, but prosecutors didn't file official charges against either.

Here's a link to a little blurb, complete with unattractive mugshot: http://www.ottawacitizen.com/Technology/ShamWow+arrested+after+hotel+fight+with+woman+Smoking/1436935/story.html