Monday, May 2, 2011

Final Transmission

It is with nothing but fond memories that I announce this will be the final Blawegsome post. It's something I've enjoyed and I believe its run its course and has reached the time to hang it up. Blawegsome began as a side project to my law school education, and as my graduation approaches on Saturday I couldn't think of a better time to ride off into the sunset.

This blog was started with two goals, and I believe it has accomplished both. The first was to finally beat my friend "Less Than Three," the man who is good at everything, at something. I recently received a text message confirming his surrender. Check. The second goal was to bring news and commentary on ridiculous and entertaining world events to my faithful followers. I've done my best.

It's been a good ride. Whenever I go home, my mother asks me what has been going on with the Large Hadron Collider and TrashBerg. My father remarked once that my blog was "pretty well written," which is extremely high praise coming from my old man. My friends nag me about my lack of posting. Signs that they care.

While Blawegsome comes to an end, the threat remains. Trashberg continues to expand, as does the Trashberg monster that lives inside. The Large Hadron Collider moves closer and closer to its full-speed fire-up in late 2012, "coincidentally" coinciding with the predicted Mayan-calendar Apocalypse. And while silent since their instant destruction of thousands of fish and birds, Aliens remain lurking above and beyond. I hope my warnings and call of constant vigilance do not fall on deaf ears before it's too late.

Besides awareness of these threats, my other hope for the future is that CNN.com continues to post ridiculous headlines. They are truly entertaining and a blessing to all of us.

There will be days when I will have the urge to post. The day the next fast food masterpiece hits the market, blowing the KFC Double-Down to pieces. The day the first 100th anniversary Titanic memorial cruise pulls out of the harbor. When the phrase I have been bringing back "That is neither here nor there," actually comes back. When someone invents meat that tastes like animal crackers. And when someone opens a restaurant where everything is served on a stick.

It's been an honor bringing you the stories of the day. I cannot express my gratitude to my readers, especially all my law school friends who would tell me they liked my post the next day when they saw me, or anyone who sent me stories to post about. I wish I could have done a Profile in Awesome on all of you guys. A special shout out to Hornbook, Blawegsome's number one fan. But to everyone, a sincere thank you - you made writing about Snuggies while wearing a Snuggie even more fun than it already was. And that is truly saying something.

All the best,
-Only My Couch Knows Me

PS DeVon really is a superhero. Just sayin'.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Friends vs True Friends

There's a lot of sayings out there about the difference between friends and true friends. Sayings like "a friend will come bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying 'Damn, that was fun!'" Well after today I will add my own to the list: Friends will include you in conversations, but true friends will carry on like you aren't even in the room.

It may sound strange, but I stand behind it. I was sitting in the computer lab today when three of my true friends came in. After a brief discussion of class, murder, and kids who are alright, their conversation shifted to P90X and the other measures they are taking to get in dress-shape for the upcoming Barrister's ball. Quotes from the conversation included:
"My Kim Kardashian is getting out of control!"
"Last night I was sitting on the porch with the roomie drinking wine...which probably doesn't help this situation."
"[something about jiggling, the exact words I wish I could remember]"

As you can imagine, I was extremely entertained by the girl-talk, and was extremely grateful that my presence did not trigger a censor that would have kept deprived me of that entertainment. For that, I thank them...which brings me back to my original point. While friends may have whispered, moved to another room, or just changed the topic of conversation due to my presence in their midst, these three true friends just acted like I wasn't even there. And I could not be happier about it.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Richmond Madness

The NCAA tournament, affectionately known as March Madness, has lived up to its name yet again. Despite many commentators predicting a lot of chalk in this year's bracket (translation: few upsets), I didn't buy it for a second. This was the hardest bracket I've ever filled out, and the games this year have shown why.

This last 4 days was, in my opinion, the best opening rounds of tournament play in a long time. Not just for the upsets, but the competitiveness of the games. A lot of games have come down to the final seconds, including one of the wildest endings you will ever see (Pitt vs. Butler). For those who love the college game, this has been a great reminder why. Teamwork, passion, excitement, this year's tournament has it all.

But perhaps nowhere is the tournament excitement greater than here in the River City. The NCAA field of 68 teams has been narrowed down to 16, and the city of Richmond can proudly boast TWO of those remaining teams. The Spiders of Richmond were given a 12-seed in the tournament, and subsequently beat 5-seed Vanderbilt and 13-seed Morehead State. VCU was the talk of Selection Sunday, with virtually everyone outside of the selection committee feeling that they should not have been in the tournament. The Rams won their play-in game to get the 11-seed, knocked off 6-seed Georgetown, and then looked like a #1 seed in a complete demolition of 3-seed Purdue last night.

The Spiders have the tough task of facing #1 Kansas in the next round. VCU, however, gets #10 Florida State. The dream could live on. If by some amazing feat, they each win their next game, the two would face each other in a regional final for a spot in the final 4. While that may be unlikely, anything is possible, especially this year.

It should be noted, as my friend and former blogger Mr. Haywood pointed out this afternoon, that a 6-mile stretch of the city of Richmond has as many Sweet 16 teams as the Big East, the alleged super-conference who was awarded a record 11 bids. And perhaps the only reason they have two teams left is that those two teams played Big East teams, so someone had to advance. Big East supporters will argue that the teams are actually better but they beat themselves up during conference play. To this point, my father had an eloquent response: "No no no...they ain't worth didly squat." Either way, its a great year for mid-majors.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Mustache March

There are days, weeks, or months honoring/referencing pretty much anything. Sometimes people even make up their own months (I'm still convinced one day Toyotathon will actually be on the calender).

But as it turns out, facial hair actually has TWO months. Thousands of razors go on hiatus for "No-Shave November" or "Beardvember," which to be honest barely qualifies as a play on words, and then again just a few months later for "Mustache March." Given my affection for alliteration, I thought I would give it a shot.

I consider myself to be pretty good at a variety of activities. Growing facial hair is not one of them. So I decided to give myself a little bit of a head start. The stache began on February 12. While it initially started as a complete shavecation, it became clear that a ear-to-ear beard was not going to happen, so I decided to stick to the stache and goatee.

My favorite part of the experience has no doubt been people's reactions, specifically the "you look _______" or "you look like _______." Some of my favorites so far:
-V for Vendetta
-Johhny Depp
-Homeless
-A magician
-Edward Norton
-So sinister
-A porn star
-The Devil
-Completely ridiculous

I am sure there have been others that are just not popping into my head right now. Anyway, the shave date has not been set. It will at least stick around until the end of the month. I have contemplated keeping it until the bar exam (end of july) I guess we will find out.

On a side note, a thank you to all of my friends who have been bugging/pestering/sending me emails informing me how many days it had been since my last blawegsome post. It has been busy times, but I will do my best to do better. Much love.

PS Still not sure about the correct spelling of "mustache" (or is it "moustache") Both look weird. Thoughts?

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Hypocalypse Update: Birds and Fish

Readers know I am a fan of end-of-the-world theories. In fact, I have my own Hypocalypse (Hypothetical Apocalypse) scenario involving aliens, the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, and the Large Hadron Collider. It's the subject of my in-progress screenplay, "Wasted Planet."

Anyway, most of the chatter involving the end of the world centers around 2012 - supposedly when the Mayan character predicts the end of days. But 2011 started off with a bang. The year kicked off with thousands of black birds falling from the sky in Arkansas. Then, in other parts of the world, it kept happening. More birds around the world dying off massively. Thousands of fish washing up dead on shore. And its happening all around the world.

Legitimate explanations for the deaths have been hard to come by. The first round of birds was at first "explained" by saying that the birds were scared by fireworks and flew into each other. Fireworks, of course have no affect on fish, or other bird deaths. The question remains: WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE ?

The explanation gaining the most credence seems to involve a shift in Earth's magnetic poles. The Earth's magentic field flips from time to time (thousands of years in between) and in between shifts, the Earth's magnetoshpere can weaken. The magnetosphere protects the Earth from harmful space radiation, and when it weakens threatening rays come in through the magentosphere and apparently kill all birds and fish.

Someone asked me recently if these events have caused me to rethink my Hypocalypse. Far from it. In fact, this new explanation supports all legs of my theory:

1) Aliens. The damage is being caused by harmful radiation coming FROM SPACE. Need I say more?

2) The Great Pacific Garbage Patch. The magnetic shift is obviously taking its toll on fish. The shift will likely cause an acceleration in the gyre forming the TrashBerg, bringing more trash to the center as the TrashBerg Monster continues to grow. But the real key is that the growing TrashBerg Monster will now have more organic material to build around in the form of thousands of dead fish. I'll admit this was always the biggest concern I had in my theory - I didn't think the trash alone could bring in enough fish to spark the growth. Problem solved.

3) The Large Hadron Collider. The LHC has been run at about half-speed, but due to some necessary adjustments and repairs that need to be made is not scheduled to be cranked up to full speed until the end of next year. The Collider has been plagued with problems since its inception, and while these recent developments may help in that there will be fewer birds to drop baguette chunks into the machinery and cause massive meltdowns (actually happened), a shift in the Earth's magnetic field is just about the least thing a troubled atomic particle accelerator needs right now.

Needless to say, things are still right on track. I'll keep an eye out and report any significant developments, but for now, just keep an eye on any birds or fish you might be close to. Griffin Tribesman- I'm not sure if you could be affected, given your half-bird status, but I'd be cautious just to be safe. Go Tribe.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

New Year, New Post

So it has been a REALLY long time since my last post. I will do my best to not have another lapse like that. Way too busy for my own liking.

As the holiday season comes to a close, some of the last things to go are the numerous car commercials where a husband or wife purchases a new car for their spouse. The commercials show the couple coming downstairs on Christmas morning, and the car is "under" the tree with a giant ribbon. The car recipient always is very pleasantly surprised.

To me, this just doesn't seem realistic. If this scenario ever happens to me in the future, I think it's pretty safe to say I will ask (or at least be thinking) the following questions:

1. "What am I supposed to do with a car in the house? I can walk around my house just fine. I don't need a car to get from the living room to the kitchen."
2. "On a related note, how exactly did you get a car in the house??? I distinctly remember you complaining when we had to try to bring the loveseat through the front door. This car is at least 6 times the size of that loveseat. Seriously, did you have a wall taken out?"
3. "Shouldn't we have talked about this? I mean, this is a pretty significant purchase. I have a pretty good idea about the state of our finances, and I'm pretty sure you must have dipped into Jimmy's college fund to make a down payment. Either that or you have some secret bank account I don't know about. Either way, I feel like you've got some explaining to do."
4. "You do realize I will be driving this for at least 6 years. You don't think I would have liked to pick out the color, or some optional features?"

Let's be practical people. Cars should not be Christmas presents.

I hope everyone had a great holiday season and a happy new year!