Sunday, December 27, 2009

Hot Tub Time Machine

One of my favorite parts of going to the movies is seeing the previews. To many people, they are something they just have to sit through, or even plan on skipping ("sure it's a 10:05 movie, but if we get there late it will be alright. We'll just miss the previews.") Personally, I love to preview my cinematic pleasures a few months down the road.

I saw a trailer yesterday for what is without a doubt a must-see movie for me. It's called "Hot Tub Time Machine." I'm gonna say that again, just for effect. It's called "Hot Tub Time Machine." Apparently, it involves 4 guys who, while bored on a guys night, decide to party in a hot tub. Little do they know, the hot tub is actually a time machine, and takes them back to 1986, where the real adventure begins.

In short, it sounds AMAZING. But as happy and excited as i am to see this movie, it makes me a little sad as well. I believe I was born to write movies like this one. A simple ridiculous plot with simple stupid humor - that's my LIFE when it all comes down to it. One day I will write such a movie. The trailer will show - some will groan, knowing they will never in their right minds pay to see that movie. Others will laugh, knowing that they MUST see it. Most will be mildly amused and think maybe. And that's alright, because again - it's just like my LIFE.

With a hot tub time machine gone from my pool of options, my comedy screenplay will have to focus on something else. Ideas to come.

Holidays!

The Trailer for Hot Tub Time Machine - click HERE

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Snowed In

The Saga continues. Friday afternoon I completed my Evidence exam at roughly 11:30 AM. A decision was to be made: pack up and go home, or stick around to celebrate another semester's close.

Two factors strongly influenced the decision.
1: A snowstorm was approaching. It would hit sometime mid-afternoon. If I hurried, I could probably beat it home.
2: Due to my bizarre sleep schedule during finals, I had pulled an all-nighter the night before and could feel the tired coming on.

In the end, I didn't want to drive while drowsy, and definitely wanted to hang out with my friends, so the decision was made to stay. I figured it would snow, but be relatively clear for a drive up on Saturday afternoon. At 2:00 on Friday afternoon, my head hit the pillow for a nap. I had multiple alarms set for 3:45, 4:00, and 4:45.

The next thing I know, it is 8:30PM. While I was certainly refreshed by my 6.5 hour nap, I was immediately chagrined by the sight of at least 4 inches on the ground, and the snow coming down hard. I put on some clothes, sent out some texts, and made my way over to Nick, Ross, and Jills. The drive over was iffy. I had hopes of heading over to the Fan a little later to meet up with other people.

Those hopes were quickly dashed. Deliveries stopped running first. Cabs were soon to follow. Frank H. came in and told us how bad the roads were. It looked like I wasn't going to make it down there after all. I stayed at the apartment for a while, then eventually made my way home.

Friday night turned into Saturday morning, and the snow was STILL coming down. I called the parental units, who relayed their orders - I was under no circumstances to try to come home until at least tomorrow. Looks like I was snowed in. Fortunately, Deener brought KRISPY KREMES, so breakfast was had.

There was no travel on Saturday. It's now Sunday Morning. I was able to excavate and brush off my car, but I am still snowed in the dorm. Might leave soon, not sure. Here's the bad: today is my best friend Carolyn's birthday, or as we like to call it, the most unimportant day of the year. The plan was to hang out this afternoon. That is looking less likely. But hope remains! Although it is only 33 degrees, the sun is out! C'mon global warming! Where are you when I need you?

Carolyn: if you are reading this, I am SNOWpefully on my way! Hold on hope.

Saturday, December 19, 2009

The Song Completed.

On the TWELFTH day of finals, my law school gave to me,
"12 Look, it's snowing!
11 Machines vending
10 Late night food runs
9 Students carreling
8 2Ls tabbing
7 words a-limiting
6 1Ls sprinting
5...CAN I JUST HAVE A B?
4 Cups of coffee
3 Hours sleeping
2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."

Finals ended today with a snowstorm. It is still coming down. unfortunately it made it difficult for everyone to meet up tonight. So to those I didn't get to see: congratulations! It's been a fun semester. A few weeks off and then we'll be back at it again.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

What's In A Name?

Shakespeare once wrote: "what's in a name?" Names are really important, especially involving products and companies. Having a flashy, cool name can draw in customers, while having a lame name can drive them away.

I don't know how some names get chosen, but sometimes I wish I could have been there. First of all, "mail." These days its a non, its a verb, and more! But advances in technology have led to the far too easy name "snail mail." So here's the idea: when you have a new product or service, and speed is a VERY big part of it, DON'T call it anything that rhymes with the following animals: sloth, slug, or snail. I mean it really is just too easy. But that was way back in the day, so I'll cut them some slack.

In these days though, there is no excuse. Which is why I was ashamed when I discovered there is a service out there called "Weather Undergrond." They compete with weather.com and other weather forecasting websites.

Weather Undergound? Really? I couldn't care less about what the weather is like underground. I am trying to figure out what the weather is going to be like ABOVEground. I didn't think underground weather changed too much on a day-to-day basis. In any case, it doesn't concern me. This seems clear, so I guess they might have been going for another meaning of underground? Like secret? Well chalk another one up on the fail board. When you have a website transmitting all your information to anyone who wants to see it, you are no longer underground. When you show up on a Google search for "weather," you are no longer underground. Although, I guess there is one thing "underground" about your site - not a lot of people know about it. Wanna keep it that way? I'm gonna suggest keeping the name.

So get it together, WU. Your name is not fitting, and not nearly awesome enough to get people to use it. You should really have at least one.

On the ELEVENTH day of finals, my law school gave to me,
"11 Machines vending
10 Late night food runs
9 Students carreling
8 2Ls tabbing
7 words a-limiting
6 1Ls sprinting
5...CAN I JUST HAVE A B?
4 Cups of coffee
3 Hours sleeping
2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."

Almost There...

On the TENTH day of finals, my law school gave to me,
"10 Late night food runs
9 Students carreling
8 2Ls tabbing
7 words a-limiting
6 1Ls sprinting
5...CAN I JUST HAVE A B?
4 Cups of coffee
3 Hours sleeping
2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."

Evidence is breathing down my neck. No time for more. The end is near, though!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Basement Carrels

On the NINTH day of finals, my law school gave to me
"9 Students carreling
8 2Ls tabbing
7 words a-limiting
6 1Ls sprinting
5...CAN I JUST HAVE A B?
4 Cups of coffee
3 Hours sleeping
2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."

Unfortunately, even in this, the most festive of times, we don't have a lot of time for actual caroling. Instead, we are holed up in our carrels. Thus carreling was born.

Carreling differs greatly from caroling in that there is no singing involved. It is not allowed, because the carrels are quiet areas. Carreling also sucks joy and smiles out of you, rather than allowing you to share them with others. Some say carreling is "the gift that keeps on giving." Clearly, whoever said this has no idea what they are talking about. I think "the curse that keeps on cursing" would be more accurate.

All that being said, I am thankful for my carrel. I'm down in the basement, and couldn't be happier about it. Besides the guy next to me, I don't see to many souls down here on a regular basis. What that means is that it's a quite area that actually is...well...quiet. It's got a couple things in common with a casino: there are no clocks on the wall, windows and bathrooms are hard to come by, the light is oh-so-artificial, and you don't have to go to far to find someone who looks depressed.

Sometimes I wonder if time passes while I am down here. When I have my computer up and running, I see the time. But other than that, I really have no guarantees that life hasn't ceased to exist. Hopefully things are ok up there in the real world.

Monday, December 14, 2009

MLIM

There are numerous websites becoming popular these days where "normal" people can go online and share things that happen to them. Each of these sites has a theme, and the story you are sharing dictates which site you should go to. Some of the most popular are fmylife.com, where people go on and share really embarrassing things that happened to them, and textsfromlastnight.com, where people post funny texts they receive. There are others like mylifeisaverage.com.

I was recently told of the existence of a site where people can go and tell their Harry Potter related stories - averagewizard.com. The theme here is MLIM - my life is magical. As an avid Harry Potter fan, this is pretty much the greatest thing ever. People write about performing a Patronus charm in real life or starting a Quidditch team, or making sly, underhanded comments about their teacher's affiliations with Voldermort. A sample:

"Today, I changed the name of my Internet browser to "The Chamber of Secrets". Now, whenever I open my Internet it says "Toshiba is opening the Chamber of Secrets". MLIM."

Perhaps the greatest thing about the site is it's rival hatred of the Twilight saga, or, as it is sometimes referred to on the site, "that-book-that-shall-not-be-named." I must admit I was not aware of the full extent of the Twilight/Harry Potter rivalry before. But I am full support of HP in this one.

With these sites, you have to wonder how many of the things posted actually happened. The thing is, that while the Harry Potter submissions are much stranger, I imagine a much higher percentage of them are true than say, FML. Because the fact of the matter is, some people are huge nerds. Now I'm not judging - I am a huge nerd myself. In fact, averagewizard.com not only gives me entertainment, but has inspired me. I can't say I'll go so far as to join a quidditch team, but you can bet that if I ever come across a child who is convinced there are dementors around, I will perform a patronus charm. MLIM.

Getting closer!

On the EIGHTH day of finals, my law school gave to me
"8 2Ls tabbing
7 words a-limiting
6 1Ls sprinting
5...CAN I JUST HAVE A B?
4 Cups of coffee
3 Hours sleeping
2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."

Special thanks to Frank, Kyle and Michael for telling me about Average Wizard.

The Next Verse

On the SEVENTH day of finals, my law school gave to me...
"7 words a-limiting
6 1Ls sprinting
5...CAN I JUST HAVE A B?
4 Cups of coffee
3 Hours sleeping
2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."

OK, I know this one doesn't make a whole lot of sense grammatically (the words are the things being limited, not doing the limiting, etc.), but I liked it anyway, so it made the cut.

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Another QuickPost

One more week of finals! The home stretch has officially arrived.

On the SIXTH day of finals, my law school gave to me...
"6 1Ls sprinting
5...CAN I JUST HAVE A B?
4 Cups of coffee
3 Hours sleeping
2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."

Friday, December 11, 2009

Iceberg Approaches. You're Welcome.

With all that's been going on in the world of sports, politics, and the like, it hasn't really seemed like there's been a slow news day recently. But somehow, this story worked its way through the cracks onto the top stories at cnn.com

The headline reads "Giant iceberg headed toward Australia"

The iceberg, which is twice the size of Manhattan, is drifting towards mainland Australia. However, it's still a ways off, and will not get very close at its current size due to warmer waters as it gets closer.

I just want to say, on behalf of all of us, thanks for the heads up. I mean we all know how fast glaciers can move. If I was in Australia I might start getting my affairs in order. The end is near. Stellar work spotting this one. I mean, those gigantic icebergs, they are tough to keep track of. One minute they're there, and the next minute...well they are still there. And the minute after that. Pretty much in the same spot. I'm thinking I can see how this story will develop: the iceberg will move inches closer to the mainland, while losing inches of size due to melting. Ok, that should cover us for a couple months. Get back to me...in March.

Ok here we go...
On the FIFTH day of finals, my law school gave to me
"5...CAN I JUST HAVE A B?
4 Cups of coffee
3 Hours sleeping
2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."

For more on the iceberg: http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/science/12/09/australia.iceberg/index.html

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Holidays!

I've started doing something recently which amuses me to a great extent, I call it "Holidays." Here's the idea: "Happy Holidays!" has become sort of a standard greeting these days. But in reality, the holidays are not happy for everyone. For some people they are depressing or sad, and nothing is gonna change that. So to those people, you saying "Happy Holidays!" is not so much a joyful greeting. Instead, you are just rubbing in their face that your Holidays are probably going to be happy, so take that! Would you wave to someone who didn't have any hands? Why would you say "Happy Holidays" to someone who will not have a happy holiday season? Don't rub it in.

So, instead, I've started saying just "Holidays!" I'm in the checkout line of a drug store, I get my change, and on my way out, instead of "have a great day" or happy holidays," I just say "holidays!" I think it sends the right message: "Hey, it's the holiday season, and well, nothing I could say is gonna change how it's gonna work out for you, so I'll see you on the other side."

The best part of "Holidays" is seeing people's reactions. Most just smile, I'm assuming they must be thinking that I said happy but they just missed it. Some people give me strange looks, but well, that's really not out of the ordinary, so I really don't know if that's the saying or not. Anyway, if you're feeling adventurous, I'd highly recommend trying it out on an unsuspecting person this holiday season.

Annnnd...the next verse of the song.
On the FOURTH day of finals, my law school gave to me...
"4 Cups of coffee
3 Hours sleeping
2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Aliens...Do You Believe Me NOW???

For months now I've been warning people about the threat of aliens. The threat is imminent. But it seems like most have turned a deaf ear. We are skeptics by nature, and naturally wanted some proof. Well, if the government releasing thousands of reports from citizens wasn't enough, maybe this will be.

A truly strange sight was spotted over the skies of Norway recently by people all around the country. The below photograph is NOT photoshopped or doctored in any way.



While it appears this might be projected UP into the sky, that is not the case. The spiral appeared and expanded on its own, and then the blue-green beam of light shot out of the center TOWARD the mountain. And this was no quick flash in the pan. It lasted 10 to 12 MINUTES. Some scientists thought it might have been a Russian missle that malfunctioned and leaked fuel. However, the Russians have denied doing any missle tests in the area.

I'm gonna say it. Aliens. Appearing to one person at a time was working, but its on to phase II now. They need followers and believers. What better way to accomplish this than a mass demonstration of their existence and power. I must say I believe this is only the beginning. More signs are sure to come. This is a classic "starter sign." Priming the pump, if you will. Clear enough to draw people in, but still something that firm non-believers can try to explain. And in a relatively obscure country. I'd say be on the lookout for a clearer, more powerful sign, in a southern, heavily populated country, probably during the day.

If the Earth-invasion plan really has entered Phase II, it seems things are moving faster than anticipated. I predicted most of the human race would have been eliminated by the TrashBerg monster before the aliens came down for good. However, they may have picked up a tip, or perhaps the TrashBerg monster is more developed than I thought. Either way, it's not good. Let's just hope the second demonstration by the aliens is a ways off.

There is of course, another possibility. I didn't want to say it...but the idea that this spiral in the sky could be related to the Large Hadron Collider is not exactly out of this world (pun intended). The matter is under investigation. I'll report back soon.

Now, the next verse of the song.
On the THIRD day of finals, my law school gave to me...
"3 Hours sleeping
2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

QuickPost

On the SECOND day of finals, my law school gave to me...
"2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."

First final tomorrow, so that's all for now. You stay classy, San Diego.

12 Days of Finals

Everyone knows and loves the 12 Days of Christmas, well, as it turns out, today (Monday) marks the beginning of a much less loved period - the 12 days of Finals. With Saturday and Sunday included, and lets face it they will be, there will be studying, outlining, coffee drinking, finals taking and the like for the next 12 days. So I thought I would retool the lyrics a little bit, and present a new "Day of Finals" on each, well, day of finals. That way, come Friday the 18th, we will not only have all of our finals DONE, but a song to sing as well

So...on the FIRST day of finals, my law school gave to me...
"An Evidence test without the F.R.E."

And speaking of finals, I did some hardcore Studggie-ing today, that is, studying in my Snuggie. I was rockin it in the Law Library today, and plan on taking it to Boatwright soon. It really was a nice way to stay warm in the library without my arms or hands being constricted. I would not, however, recommend it for long late night study sessions. That fleece will work its magic eventually, and you'll be like Richard in and 8 AM Evidence class - there, but not really there.

That's all for now. Good luck to everyone!

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Floppy Disks: Required?

Today I heard one of the most ridiculous things I've heard in a while. My good friend (and Blawegsome reader) Liesl is a 1L at FSU Law. We talked recently and exam policies came up. I mentioned Richmond's flex exam system and asked about theirs. She told me that instead of printing them out, students submit their exams electronically, but also have to save them onto a floppy disk.

I'm gonna say that one more time, not only for emphasis but just in case you thought I made a mistake. Instead of printing them out, students submit their exams electronically, but also have to save them onto a FLOPPY DISK.

Floppy disk!??!?? I hardly know her! Really, though, it has to have been a solid 7 years since I used a floppy disk. With pretty much all students having laptops, that means they all had to go out and buy floppy disk drives that plug into a USB port. Apparently, the employee she talked to at best buy was convinced she didn't know what she was talking about and surely needed something more modern. Typical...yet so understandable.

Let's get with the times, FSU. No one uses floppy disks anymore. Requiring students to use them makes them go buy the drives. And if there's one thing students like, it's not having to buy things. Liesl tells me you, the school provide the actual disks for the students. How about switching to flash drives, eh? Unless you've got some shady operation going where you are getting floppies shipped in for free, I'm thinking giving students flash drives would be comparably cheap for you, definitely cheaper for the students, and would accomplish THE SAME GOAL. Maybe I'm missing something, I don't know.

Floppy disks...ridiculous...

LHC Update and My Best Day Ever

I'm beginning to see the panic, but I'm here to spread the truth: There is no reason to fear. Things may seem like they are headed for disaster, but everything will be fine. I speak not of finals, or H1N1, but really of what is for some the greatest fear of all - the Large Hadron Collider.

You may have been disturbed by the recent news that the LHC was successfully "fired up." You might think this disproves the "LHC Sabateuor" Theory that the Collider's success is being systematically sabotaged from the future. Well have no fear my friends. This initial start up is nothing more that a preparation. The real test won't come until February, plenty of time for something to go wrong. And by "something to go wrong," I of course mean "whoever is sabotaging the LHC from the future to keep it from destroying the universe to sabotage it yet again."

At the heart of all the drama is the idea that if the LHC becomes fully functional and is able to create the God particle, it will have disastrous consequences. One possible scenario has been playing out for us Thursday nights at 8/7 central on ABC. In "FlashForward," ABC's new drama, the entire planet blacks out for 2 minutes and 17 seconds. 20 million people die. Mass chaos and destruction ensues. During the blackout, everyone sees themselves 6 months in the future for a glimpse of a moment.

It was revealed last Thursday that the planet-wide blackout was caused by...you guessed it...atomic particles being smashed together. Large Hadron Collider style.

As evil plots go, the blackout and flashforward is definitely towards the top of the list. First of all, people die - a prerequisite to any evil plot. But it's evil brilliance is that it lives past its moment. It changes things forever. People see a moment they assume is in the future, and it COMPLETELY changes the way they live their lives.

Some people are scared of the future, or more specifically knowing the future. I was recently asked if I would like to know the exact time and date of my death. I think i was the only one at the table who said yes. Here's why - people like to talk about "living like there's no tomorrow." But you can't really ever do that, because you know in the back of your mind that there is, in all likelihood, a tomorrow. If I knew the exact time and date of my death, I actually COULD live like there is no tomorrow.

Some people say their last day would be filled with lots of things they've never done before. But why? You wouldn't get to enjoy the glory, tell people the stories, or just sit there and think "man, remember when I _____?" Personally, I'm really shooting to achieve any huge "first time" milestones long before my final 24 hours. Instead, my last day is gonna be doing my favorite things. Boring? Maybe. Best Day Ever? Most likely.

9:00 AM - Wake up
9:02 AM - Shower
9:15 AM - Get dressed. Attire: Boxers, Socks, Snuggie.
9:20 AM - Watch SportsCenter, eat breakfast: Eggy-in-a-bowl, lucky charms, OJ.
10:00 AM - Jump on a Trampoline. Still in my Snuggie.
10:30 AM - Find some puppies. Play with them.
11:00 AM - Watch How I Met Your Mother. Episode: "The Pineapple Incident"
11:30 AM - Play mini-golf
12:15 PM - Lunch: Tops China - Sesame Chicken.
12:45 PM - Find a craps table, play some craps.
2:00 PM - Pick-up Basketball game (note: this and shower will be the only activities of my day which my Snuggie will not be worn).
3:30 PM - Watch Scrubs. Episode: My Musical.
4:00 PM - Purchase a car and a crowbar. Take the crowbar to the car.
4:15 PM - Take a nap on Mark's Futon.
5:00 PM - Play ping pong (or as the Chinese say, "ping pong")
5:45 PM - Shoot some pool
6:00 PM - Dinner. Food to be determined.
7:00 PM - Bust out the hand-crafted table.
8:00 PM - Attend a professional bball game, leave at halftime.
10:00 PM - Karaoke! I will sing "Say My Name" by Destiny's Child.
12:00 PM - Midnight showing of an awesome movie.
2:45 PM - Blawegsome update.
3:00 PM - Bedtime.

A day full of my favorite things, all done whilst wearing my Snuggie, who could ask for anything more?

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Dolphins: Terrible Animals, or Worst Animals Ever?

Though we may not realize it, we Americans are pretty susceptible to brainwash. Hollywood and the entire industry do not exist, as the name might suggest, to "entertain," but rather to spoon-feed us whatever ideas they want. But I must say, it has been nice to see one of their schemes being upstaged by science and the facts.

I speak, of course, of the idea that dolphins are cute, smart and generally awesome creatures. Well someone grab a bucket, because I'm about to drop some knowledge. Dolphins are PUNKS. The media tells us they're beautiful and amazing creatures. Ever seen Flipper? (By the way: an animal that acts almost human-like and helps people in trouble? Real original guys. Ever heard of Lassie?) Or heard a report on how dolphins are almost as intelligent as humans? Well, as it turns out, Dolphins share another quality with humans besides intelligence, one of the most basic of all human characteristics: Irrational violence.

Marine biologists in Moss Landing, California were initially stunned and puzzled by the number of dead porpoises turning up with broken bones, rake marks, and internal bleeding. Well, they've finally cracked the case and identified the culprit: DOLPHINS. These dolphins are travelling around in groups and beating porpoises to death. I'm not talking 1 or 2 here. 74 porpoises turned up on CA beaches last year. With video footage of an attack, the scientists don't doubt that dolphins are the killers here. But they still haven't figured out why. The best they've come up with is sexual frustration. Well, let's run through some other ideas.

1. Dolphins are racists. Dolphins and porpoises are both mammals, but can generally be distinguished by external physical characteristics. Humans have a long history of fearing what is different. Why not dolphins? Dolphins are jerks who kill porpoises because they have a different nose, or can't make sounds.

2. There is a major shake-up in the underwater hierarchy pending. Dolphins are ganging up and preying upon weaker porpoises. People who do this generally feel threatened and act in desperation. It's quite possible that a major power-shift is in order. The Dolphins know it, and they are panicking, trying to hold onto authority as it slips away. But where or who is it slipping away to? 2 words: TrashBerg. Monster. That's right, he's real, growing, and showing his ability to kill fish much more than either dolphins or porpoises. The new King of the Sea is gonna turn these pathetic dolphins into Chickens of the Sea. Laugh if you must, but I wouldn't get on his bad side if I were you. I'm just saying.

Either way, here's a PSA, a Porpoise Saving Announcement. Dolphins: You aren't fooling anyone. News is out that you are a bunch of punks. Word will spread, and no one will buy those clicks and squeaks as cute anymore. They will see you for who you really are: losers. So just knock it off with the ganging up and mercilessly beating porpoises. You aren't making any friends. And soon enough, you're going to need as many as you can get.