I'm beginning to see the panic, but I'm here to spread the truth: There is no reason to fear. Things may seem like they are headed for disaster, but everything will be fine. I speak not of finals, or H1N1, but really of what is for some the greatest fear of all - the Large Hadron Collider.
You may have been disturbed by the recent news that the LHC was successfully "fired up." You might think this disproves the "LHC Sabateuor" Theory that the Collider's success is being systematically sabotaged from the future. Well have no fear my friends. This initial start up is nothing more that a preparation. The real test won't come until February, plenty of time for something to go wrong. And by "something to go wrong," I of course mean "whoever is sabotaging the LHC from the future to keep it from destroying the universe to sabotage it yet again."
At the heart of all the drama is the idea that if the LHC becomes fully functional and is able to create the God particle, it will have disastrous consequences. One possible scenario has been playing out for us Thursday nights at 8/7 central on ABC. In "FlashForward," ABC's new drama, the entire planet blacks out for 2 minutes and 17 seconds. 20 million people die. Mass chaos and destruction ensues. During the blackout, everyone sees themselves 6 months in the future for a glimpse of a moment.
It was revealed last Thursday that the planet-wide blackout was caused by...you guessed it...atomic particles being smashed together. Large Hadron Collider style.
As evil plots go, the blackout and flashforward is definitely towards the top of the list. First of all, people die - a prerequisite to any evil plot. But it's evil brilliance is that it lives past its moment. It changes things forever. People see a moment they assume is in the future, and it COMPLETELY changes the way they live their lives.
Some people are scared of the future, or more specifically knowing the future. I was recently asked if I would like to know the exact time and date of my death. I think i was the only one at the table who said yes. Here's why - people like to talk about "living like there's no tomorrow." But you can't really ever do that, because you know in the back of your mind that there is, in all likelihood, a tomorrow. If I knew the exact time and date of my death, I actually COULD live like there is no tomorrow.
Some people say their last day would be filled with lots of things they've never done before. But why? You wouldn't get to enjoy the glory, tell people the stories, or just sit there and think "man, remember when I _____?" Personally, I'm really shooting to achieve any huge "first time" milestones long before my final 24 hours. Instead, my last day is gonna be doing my favorite things. Boring? Maybe. Best Day Ever? Most likely.
9:00 AM - Wake up
9:02 AM - Shower
9:15 AM - Get dressed. Attire: Boxers, Socks, Snuggie.
9:20 AM - Watch SportsCenter, eat breakfast: Eggy-in-a-bowl, lucky charms, OJ.
10:00 AM - Jump on a Trampoline. Still in my Snuggie.
10:30 AM - Find some puppies. Play with them.
11:00 AM - Watch How I Met Your Mother. Episode: "The Pineapple Incident"
11:30 AM - Play mini-golf
12:15 PM - Lunch: Tops China - Sesame Chicken.
12:45 PM - Find a craps table, play some craps.
2:00 PM - Pick-up Basketball game (note: this and shower will be the only activities of my day which my Snuggie will not be worn).
3:30 PM - Watch Scrubs. Episode: My Musical.
4:00 PM - Purchase a car and a crowbar. Take the crowbar to the car.
4:15 PM - Take a nap on Mark's Futon.
5:00 PM - Play ping pong (or as the Chinese say, "ping pong")
5:45 PM - Shoot some pool
6:00 PM - Dinner. Food to be determined.
7:00 PM - Bust out the hand-crafted table.
8:00 PM - Attend a professional bball game, leave at halftime.
10:00 PM - Karaoke! I will sing "Say My Name" by Destiny's Child.
12:00 PM - Midnight showing of an awesome movie.
2:45 PM - Blawegsome update.
3:00 PM - Bedtime.
A day full of my favorite things, all done whilst wearing my Snuggie, who could ask for anything more?
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