Profiles in Awesome: Noodles

Tonight I present part 3 of my 497-part series, "Profiles in Awesome." Today's story recognizes someone who perhaps is too awesome...to the point that it sheds questions on her classification as a human being. I speak, of course, of Noodles.

Spend some time around TC-Dub School of Law and you will no doubt run into Noodles before long. She can be easily identified by her glorious black curls, her ridiculously thick binders littered/organized with purple sticky-notes, or by her most identifiable characteristic - her obsession with Google Reader. As a result, she is quick to find some of the funniest stories/videos the Internet has to offer. The classic Noodles "nervous-smile" comes when she is enjoying the little things in life while constantly holding down the feeling that everything is going wrong and she is doomed.

Unlike other pastas, this Noodles is sometimes highly motivated. She is driven by completing tasks on To-Do lists, and often writes down items that she has already completed, so that she can check them off immediately. Well she could write down "Be Awesome" to start every list and always have at least one down.

Basically, Noodles is one of the most awesome characters around. However, I am currently gathering evidence to support my theory that she is, in fact, a robot.

If I had to pick one person who I was most sure was NOT a robot, I would pick Noodles. This is exactly the kind of situation that a robot would make happen. Despite multiple statements that her brief was inferior, Noodles was awarded the "Best Brief" award during last Fall's Moot Court competition. Her bluebooking was superb and machine-like. When confronted with this fact, she was quick to point out that next to a mistake in her brief, an editor simply wrote the word "FAIL." Hmm...a simple command that a robot would understand...interesting.

Noodles keeps a pink sombrero in the back of her car, but never wears it. This is obviously a souvenir of a poor defenseless old woman she did in after she got the information her programmer requested. I see no other possible explanation.

It's true that Noodles exhibits many emotions normally only associated with humans. In fact, I have it on good authority that she has covered the entire range of all human emotions in no less than 17 minutes. There really is only one possible explanation - Noodles is an even more advanced model than I thought. Any robot looking to effectively blend in as a human would no doubt be able to show emotions in order to throw off suspicions.

I'm still gathering the evidence. Noodles will be quick to deny any robot identity for fear of being shot in the face with a shotgun (the appropriate treatment for any undercover robot). But be warned...things might not be as they appear.

Pro Athlete Salaries and Orlando Financial

It's no secret: I am a big fan of ESPN.com. Head to their website and you'll see the big story of the hour, plus 10 or so headlines on the side. You can catch up on a lot of important news in not a lot of time. But scroll on down and you'll find a whole lot more. Sometimes they'll have some app or game to play. Some are enjoyable, but I really have to question the one I found this morning.

It's called "Salary Crunch." It takes a specific professional athlete and looks at his salary and statistics. It has you enter your annual salary, and then it uses the stats to compare.

Example: I selected Josh Beckett, a pitcher for the Red Sox, who signed a 4-year $68 million deal the other day. Since I actually make about negative $40,000 a year, I decided to make up a salary to enter. I plugged in $50,000. The following came up:

"Josh Beckett makes $50,000 after the following:
.09 games
.05 wins
.59 strikeouts
.62 innings pitched
You will need to work 340 years to make Josh Beckett's annual salary."

Thanks ESPN. I can't tell you how many times I wish I had this precise information. If you're ever in need of a morale boost in the morning, then bookmark this site for sure!

The salaries of professional athletes can be an interesting point of discussion. A lot of people think they are ridiculously overpaid, others think that if they have that much talent and put fans in the seats, they earn it. Personally, I don't have a problem with stars making millions. What I DO have a problem with is stars blowing millions, and then millions more that they DON'T HAVE. We've seen the headlines. Michael Vick. Mike Tyson. How these guys end up more than $25 MILLION in debt is beyond me.

A word to the wise: If you are a professional athlete, make millions of dollars, and don't want to blow it, I've got two words for you - Orlando Financial. Orlando Financial offers money management services exclusively to professional athletes who have the urge to make ridiculous purchases, supply capital for ludicrous business propositions, or really just make stupid financial decisions.

Orlando Financial customizes a personal savings plan for your individual needs, but the basic tenants of each plan are as follows:
-$300,000 will be kept in a mattress in your office at all times. Don't have a mattress in your office? Buy a mattress. Then put it in your office. Don't have an office? Buy some office space.
-40% of all signing bonuses go straight to the bank. No exceptions.
-Investments? Liquidate them. We don't mess with the stock market. "But doesn't that mean I won't make millions more?" Yes, that is true. But you won't lose millions, and you already have millions. Stop complaining.

If you don't want to end up filing for Bankruptcy, call Orlando Financial at 1-800-WHERE-IS-ORLANDO for a free consultation today. 25 minutes could keep you from $25 million of debt.

Man Claiming To Be the LHC Saboteur Arrested

It's April Fool's Day, and I'll admit it - I had no idea what to expect when I rolled out of bed this morning. But I never expected a gem like this to fall into my lap.

http://crave.cnet.co.uk/gadgets/0,39029552,49305387,00.htm

A man named Eloi Cole was arrested at the Large Hadron Collider. Mr. Cole was claiming to be the LHC Saboteur, a man from the future and traveling back in time to keep the LHC from succeeding in finding the Higgs Boson particle.

The details of this article are hysterical. Some highlights:
"Cole was attempting to disrupt [the Collider] by stopping supplies of Mountain Dew to the experiment's vending machines."
"He explained that he was looking for fuel for his 'time machine power unit', a device that resembled a kitchen blender."
"Police said Mr Cole, who was wearing a bow tie and rather too much tweed for his age, would not reveal his country of origin. 'Countries do not exist where I am from. The discovery of the Higgs boson led to limitless power, the elimination of poverty and Kit-Kats for everyone. It is a communist chocolate hellhole and I'm here to stop it ever happening.'"
"Mr Cole was taken to a secure mental health facility in Geneva but later disappeared from his cell. Police are baffled, but not that bothered."

Ok, so the question of the day IS: what do we make of this guy? Let's analyze.

Option #1: Mr. Cole planned an April Fool's Prank aimed at raising awareness for the LHC Saboteur Theory.
Basically, the idea here is that Cole knew exactly what he was doing. He planned on getting caught while looking ridiculous and making ridiculous statements so that he would get in the news. April Fool's Day just adds more reason to do it.

Option #2: Mr. Cole is actually insane.
If the details of the article are accurate, this may be a fairly likely option. But if so, is anyone else disturbed by the facts that 1) he disappeared from his holding sell at the mental health facility, and 2) NO ONE SEEMS TO CARE? Is this how the Swiss treat all of their mental health patients?

Option #3: Mr. Cole IS the time-traveling LHC Saboteur.
This may seem ridiculous at first, but allow me to explain.

When I first saw the news, I discounted this option immediately on principle. No one with time traveling abilities should ever be caught in the past. Ever. Especially not someone who holds the fate of mankind in the palm of their hands.

However, if Back to the Future has taught us anything, it's that 1) time machines from the future run on garbage, 2) you do need to stop and refill, sometimes in the past, and 3) where we're going we don't need roads. Number 3 isn't really relevant, I just wanted to throw it in there. But Cole was found "rooting around in bins," and claimed he was searching for fuel for his time machine power source. What's kept in bins? Garbage.

We turn next to Cole's statement about the future, specifically that there are KitKats for everyone and it is a communist chocolate hellhole.

If there is one chocolate bar I would expect to thrive over a long period of time, it's KitKat. As the late great Mitch Hedberg pointed out, they imprint "KitKat" on the bar. This robs the customer of chocolate, and cuts cost for the producer, enabling long-term profits. Additionally, in a communist system, having a chocolate bar that is easily broken and shared among the community would be crucial. I'll refrain from making any political statements. All I'm saying is that if the future world is as Cole describes, I would not be shocked at all to see KitKat as the dominant chocolate bar.

Finally, if Cole was in fact the LHC Saboteur, wouldn't this be real trouble now that he was caught? It would have been...if the authorities had been able to hold on to him. But Cole escaped from his cell, and possibly from 2010. Suppose this was all an act. Something to cause a lot of jokes and mockery to be associated with the LHC Saboteur theory. People would not be as concerned about the possibility of a saboteur, and he could go about his business with less fear of preventative measures being taken. Perhaps this was Cole's plan all along...

Is it probable? Not really. Is it a possibility? I'm goin with yes.

LHC Update and a Plea to CERN.

They say a friend applauds your accomplishments, but only a true friend ridicules you for your mistakes.

Ok, "they" don't really say that because I just made it up. Anyway, I must have a lot of true friends, because yesterday I was bombarded with news updates about the Large Hadron Collider. I guess people thought that when they finally got the machine fired up yesterday and the world did not end, this destroyed the LHC Saboteur theory to which I publicly subscribe and promote.

But I'm here to set the record straight.

First of all, any claim that the time-traveling LHC Saboteur was nowhere to be found yesterday is completely false. While some news reports of yesterday's events may gloss over this fact, it remains true that yesterday's testing began with not one but TWO false starts due to "electrical problems." This is exactly the kind of tricks the LHC Saboteur likes to pull.

Second, this is hardly the end. The LHC will run at this speed for a while (3.5 TeV for each photon), until the end of 2011. At this point, they will shut it down for a year, make repairs, so they can try to fire it up again to reach double yesterday's achieved speed.

What it all means is this. The LHC Saboteur is still very much in control. He made his presence known yesterday by causing the two false starts, but eventually just let things go because he knew that this half-speed smashing would be ok. And who are we to argue? He is FROM THE FUTURE. So do the events of yesterday destroy the theory? In a word, no. There is still far more to come my friends.

Of course, things may be bigger than just the LHC Saboteur. Read the reports and you'll see the plan is to run this thing for a year and a half, and then shut it down for a year before getting ready for the full speed run. Let's do the math.
A year and a half would mean a shut down in late 2011.
Which would mean a restart in late 2012.
Hmm...wasn't some other there some other global destruction planned for late 2012?

...

THAT'S RIGHT! The Mayan Calendar pegs December 21st, 2012 as the end of the final Great Cycle of the Earth. The date is to be followed by massive destruction. And so it is now that I launch my plea to the CERN directors:

Ladies and Gentlemen of CERN,

They say there is no such thing as bad press. Your association has been getting some press, in part due to fears about the Large Hadron Collider triggering a global meltdown. But there are still millions of people out there who are unaware of your project. The key to grabbing their attention is really quite simple.

All you have to do is schedule your LHC full speed fire up date for December 21st, 2012.

If I may speak candidly, the talk about the LHC destroying the universe has only scratched the surface. If you want to really get on the map and into the consciousness of people everywhere, the step is simple. I cannot stress enough how much this will put you on the map. The press would have an absolute field day. Think of the protests, the vigils, the building of disaster shelters and the purchases of canned goods that would ensue. I suppose what I'm trying to say is that if you think people are talking about your project now, you have no idea of the full potential. That potential will be realized if you simply plan the fire up for December 21st.

As a LHC enthusiast and an admirer of your work, I encourage you to make this happen. It is no doubt in your best interest, and its effect on society will be nothing but extraordinary.

Sincerely,
Your #1 Fan.

Star Fox 64

Growing up, I was a big fan of video games. The day my brother and I got an N64 is etched in my mind as a joyous childhood moment. Nintendo 64 remains, in my opinion, the greatest video game system of all time. The list of epic games is long. Golden Eye. Mario Cart. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Donkey Kong 64.

But for me, one game stands out among the others. Star Fox 64. Fox McCloud is the leader of a team of pilots called upon by General Pepper. Andross has invaded the Lylat System and is threatening to invade Corneria. Fox and his team go from planet to planet shooting down enemies and defeating mini-bosses on their way to Andross, the final boss. Fox has a bit of a bone to pick with Andross, on account of Andross killing Fox's father, James. See, the old Star Fox team consisted of James, Fox, Peppy Hare, and Pigma Dengar. On a mission, Pigma betrayed the team, and James and Peppy were captured by Andross. Peppy escaped, but James did not make it back. Fox and Peppy formed the new Star Fox team.

Fox's main team consists of Peppy, Falco Lombardi, and Slippy Toad. At certain stages Fox and the team get help from other characters, or sometimes face a team of enemies, Star Wolf (of which Pigma is now a member).

I recently had occasion to look back on Star Fox and reflect on it's excellence. A post about the GOOD parts of Star Fox would take far too long, and a post about the BAD parts of Star Fox would be near non-existent. Instead, I'd like to point out a few things that I've noticed in recent years that I was blissfully unaware of in the glory days of my youth.

1) Shoot enemies...or just let them go.
There are a couple stages that are played in "all-range mode," but for the most part you play in the standard mode where you can only fly forward. You make your way steadily towards a boss and encounter hundreds of enemy ships. You get points for shooting them, but if you don't they just go right on by. No worries. Wouldn't it be great if real-world battles were like this?
The explanation is that Fox is the leader, and flies in front, so anybody he lets by will get picked off by Falco, Peppy, or Slippy. I really hope this is not the case, because Fox seems way too smart to trust anything that important to Slippy. Which leads well to my next point...

2) Slippy sucks.
Ok, this may be a little bit out of place, because I knew Slippy sucked back in the day too. But I think it's definitely worth a mention. Slippy's worthlessness is apparent right off the bat in level 1. Slippy heads out in front, only to get chased and need rescuing. Any Star Fox player worth his salt hits Slippy intentionally with a few lasers in the rescue attempt. Just for fun. The trick is to hit him when the dialogue box is open, so you can see his face as he takes the hit.
Slippy's one "accomplishment" of the game is his construction of the Blue Marine, the submarine. But even this doesn't count for much in my book, seeing as Aquas is the worst level in the game. The game is called STAR Fox. Why am I underwater? Are there stars in the ocean?
Slippy's gender is ambiguous to say the least. Most accounts I read list "him" as a male, but you cannot tell me that there's no doubt there.
I could go on, but I'll save it for another day.

3) The Sexual Innuendo.
Maybe it's unavoidable, but looking back there really is a ridiculous amount of phrases that could be taken the wrong way. And so I give you my Top-10 Suggestive Lines from Star Fox 64.
1. "Quit dinkin' around Slip"
2. "Incoming enemy from the rear! Drop altitude"
3. "This brings back memories of your Dad..."
4. "Aim for the open spot"
5. "Things are starting to heat up!"
6. "You did it! I was worried for a moment..."
7. "Shoot the tentacles to open the core."
8. "We're getting paid a lot of cash for this!"
9. "Is that any way to greet a girl?"
10. "If I go down I'm taking you with me!"

The funny thing is I could probably extend this list to about 50 with no problem whatsoever.

4) The Character Names
As you may know, all of the characters are animals. There are basically 3 classes of character names.
1 - The type of animal is the FIRST name. This includes Fox McCloud, Falco Lombardi, Pigma Dengar, Wolf O'Donnell, etc.
2 - The type of animal is in the LAST name. This includes Peppy Hare and Slippy Toad.
3 - They just have random names. This includes Leon Powalski, James McCloud, and Andrew Oikonny.

I've gotta say, using animal types as names has always bugged me. Well I shouldn't say always, because I can pinpoint the source of my frustration. It was the TV show Franklin. It was about a bunch of animals, and they were all named their type of animal...except Franklin. There was a bear named Bear. A badger named Badger. A beaver named Beaver. And a turtle named Franklin. What!?!?!? Technically, his last name was Turtle, so "Turtle Turtle" would have been a little strange. But still, how about some consistency?

Besides lack of creativity, Franklin illustrates the problem with naming your offspring their animal name: it tends to lead to problems if other children come along. If you are a family of bears, and you name your first-born "Bear," what do you name your second child? Well, believe it or not, Franklin's friend Bear had a little sister. Her name? "Bea." Wow.

But I digress.

Anyway, please do not misunderstand and think i am saying anything bad about Star Fox. That is not my intention in the slightest. It is a great game and should be cherished as such.

This Is No Time To Panic, But...

I could really use a sign right now. Things are dangerously close to reaching their potential and that just cannot happen.

I speak, of course, of the Large Hadron Collider. You may know that I am a believer in what I like to call the "LHC Saboteur" Theory. For those unfamiliar, here's a quick summary:

The Large Hadron Collider is a 17-mile long particle accelerator that is (mostly) underground. It runs through France and Switzerland, and was designed to smash photons together at 99% the speed of light in order to create "the God particle" and gain insight into what might have happened at the Big Bang. The operation is run by a group called CERN.

Now they have been trying to get this thing up and running for some time now, but are constantly running into roadblocks. Miscalculations. Overheating. A few months ago a bird dropped a piece of a baguette into a piece of machinery that caused a big problem.

Now the LHC Saboteur Theory proposes that these are not just random happenings. Instead, someone or something from the future is coming back in time to keep the LHC from running at full speed. If this project were to actually succeed, results could be disastrous. So someone or something is keeping that from happening by coming back in time and throwing a wrench in these plans every few months.

Blawegsome readers know I am a BIG supporter of this theory. A lot of people think i am delusional, my father included, which is why he was the first to send me this little tidbit of news: http://www.gearlog.com/2010/03/cern_to_power_up_collider_to_7.php

The baguette incident - a stroke of genius by the Saboteur - was almost 5 months ago. In that time, they've been able to get this thing working its way up to speed. Speed started building in December, and it appears they are getting close to where they want to be. On March 30th, they plan to collide particles at 7 Tera-electron-volts, which is twice as fast as what they've done so far.

Let me be perfectly clear: I'm not worried. I have the utmost faith and trust in the Saboteur. He/she hasn't let me down yet, and won't start now. But...LHC Saboteur: If you are reading this from the future, we could really use some help here. They seem to be getting close. You've got a week. Much love.

I will say this - when I first posted about the LHC Saboteur, he responded with another strike within days. That's what I'm counting on here. I await your next move in earnest.

One final note: I've fully comprehended the possibility of CERN leaking some fake progress reports to the press in order to set up some kind of trap. While technically possible, I trust they know that those kinds of plans cannot work on a hero from the future. He will see right through it, because it has already happened.

I'll keep you posted as updates come in.

1,000 Ways To Die

Over Spring Break, I found myself flipping through the channels one night. I came across a show on Spike called "1,000 Ways To Die" I'll admit it - I had no idea what the show was about but decided to select it just because its name sounded intriguing.

As it turns out, 1,000 Ways To Die is a "documentary" show that details unusual stories of death. Simply put, they recreate Darwin-award type stories, film them, and add ridiculous and cheesy puns and one-liners to the narration. They do not necessarily have to be the "someone does something stupid and ends up dying" story, but from what I saw they usually are. A half-hour show usually details 6-8 stories, with each story being about 3 minutes long.

A couple examples:
-A man was behind on his rent when his landlord came a-knockin'. Looking for a hiding place, he hopped into his Murphy Bed and folded it up into the wall. When his landlord left, he tried to fold the bed back down, but was stuck. He tried to yell, but he was a amateur musician and had soundproofed his walls, so no one could hear him. He suffocated.

-A man was...how shall I put this...engaging in romantic activities with his paramour. She liked to engage in a post-romance cigarette, but he didn't like this. So she went out and got some nicotine patches. Figuring if 1 was good, and 2 was better, she slapped a whole bunch of nicotine patches onto her body. You can guess how that one worked out for her.

And my personal favorite so far:
-An old man wasn't able to drive anymore. However, he still liked to sit in his car and listen to the radio. He lived at the top of a hill. One day, while sitting in the car, he passed out...and didn't wake up. He died right there in the car. Around the same time, the parking break failed, and the car rolled down the hill, picking up speed.
Meanwhile, 2 blocks away, a man had stolen someone's purse and was on the run. He bolted into an intersection...and got NAILED by the car as it plummeted down the road. The guy who got hit died. That's right. Dead guy behind the wheel hits and kills robber on the run. Classic.

Each story is accompanied by experts showing the science behind the death. But the best part of the show is without a doubt the horribly cheesy and ridiculous puns and one-liners sprinkled throughout every story. An example - when the man threatened to break off relations if the woman kept smoking, the narrator said "the stroking and the poking was no longer worth the smoking..." I'd venture a guess that there are usually at least 9 jokes per 3-minute segment, most of which will leave you groaning and shaking your head. But the overall amusement factor is high.

Bottom line - I wouldn't recommend scheduling any time out of your day to catch this show, or planning on watching it at any point. But if (1) you are bored, (2 there is nothing else on, and (3) you have a twisted sense of humor like me, feel free to give it a shot.

Fast Food "Sandwiches"

I've been seeing a lot of commercials recently for the new breakfast sandwich from Dunkin Donuts. Well, I shouldn't really say "new." It's the back by popular demand waffle breakfast sandwich. If you ever wanted bacon, eggs, cheese, and waffles, and thought "man, why can't I just put this all together?" then this is the sandwich for you. I decided to try one recently. $2.99 and 500 calories later, I was pleasantly surprised, but in the end the Waffle sandwich couldn't break down my undying love for McGriddles (McDonald's sandwiches with pancakes for bread).







But there's something a little odd here. I looked into it, and McGriddles hit the market in 2003. The Waffle Breakfast Sandwich launched in early 2009 (the first time around). Can anyone explain this? When a huge chain like McDonald's came out with a PANCAKE breakfast sandwich, why did it take 6 years for another chain to decide making WAFFLE breakfast sandwich?

Usually these companies are all over this type of thing. If one guy has some big creation, a competing guy will either come up with the same thing (i.e. Vanilla Pepsi) or something similar. But Vanilla Pepsi was out within months, if not weeks, of Vanilla Coke. So shame on you, Dunkin Donuts. This product should have been out years ago.

On a related note, Dunkin Donuts claims their sandwich is back "by popular demand." I would be very interested to find out how many letters or emails they got demanding the return of the waffle breakfast sandwich.

But my biggest GIAFFC (Gripe Involving A Fast Food Chain) doesn't involve Dunkin Donuts. No, I'm talking about KFC and their "new" offer - the boneless fillet. I almost did not believe this was real when I saw it. It is literally a hunk of fried chicken - basically a chicken sandwich without the bun. For all those times when you really JUST want the chicken part of the chicken sandwich.

At first I thought "well this is dumb, but maybe understandable." I would always just get the sandwich, but maybe there are people out there who are watching carbs, and this would be better than ordering the chicken sandwich and not eating the bread. The line of logic seemed reasonable...until I saw the combo meal that it came with: potato wedges, a drink...AND A BISCUIT! What??? So you take the chicken OUT of the sandwich, and then serve it to me with a biscuit? Why, so I can do the work and make my own chicken sandwich? C'mon KFC. You were already on notice after that extremely questionable commercial. You don't wanna fall too much further...

TrashBerg Monster II?

The destruction of our planet has been underway for some time now. Readers - you know I'm not talking about global warming or carbon emissions or anything like that. No, we deal with a much more immediate and terrifying threat - the impending showdown for control of Earth between the TrashBerg Monster and the aliens.

For those unaware, there is a massive pile of garbage accumulating in the middle of the pacific ocean. It's known by some as the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, but I prefer to call it the TrashBerg. And by "massive" I mean it's 30 feet deep and twice the size of Texas. No joke. It's my belief that in the middle of the TrashBerg, there is a monster growing (apply named the TrashBerg Monster)

The fate of our planet will be decided as follows: The TrashBerg monster will emerge and wreck havoc on the globe, destroying all in it's path. The poetic justice of our race being taken down by a monster created from the very materials we discarded is too hard to ignore. Anyway, around this time, aliens will come down and invade, expecting a full resistance from the humans. Instead, they find the TrashBerg monster, and the Aliens and the TrashBerg Monster battle it out for global supremacy.

This is the basic plot of my in-progress screenplay, "Wasted Planet." Now I must say, in writing this, one of my biggest concerns has been the destructive power of the TrashBerg Monster. I mean, no matter how powerful he was, the idea of one monster taking out the human race AND the aliens...well lets just say I had trouble wrapping my head around it. There needed to be something else.

I must say, I never thought that "something else" would be ANOTHER TrashBerg Monster. That was, of course, until Carolyn sent me this deeply disturbing news:
http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2010/03/100302-new-ocean-trash-garbage-patch/

That's right. There is ANOTHER TRASHBERG. AND THIS ONE IS IN THE ATLANTIC OCEAN.

Now this one, which I'll call TrashBerg II, is clearly still in development - the garbage doesn't seem to be as densely packed as TrashBerg I. Measurements have put the garbage density of TrashBerg II at 520,000 bits per square mile, where as TrashBerg I boasts up to 1.9 million bits per square mile.

But the size of TrashBerg II is not to be ignored. While the east-west distance is unknown, it's north-south distance is roughly the distance from Virginia to Cuba. I'm gonna go ahead and table the issue of how it took someone so long to discover this, and address the real problem.

Students of history know it is extremely difficult to fight a war on two fronts. How could the United States expect to defeat 1 TrashBergs coming from each side? 1 solution seems obvious - call on other nations for help. But what happens when they are facing the same problem? Specifically, when a TrashBerg III shows up in the Indian Ocean, and TrashBerg IV surfaces in the Arctic Ocean...EVERYONE will be fighting a war on multiple fronts. It's trouble for sure.

At this point, I'm not sure there's much we can do. Things are escalating more quickly than I anticipated. Should any more alien or TrashBerg sightings pop up, I'll keep you posted.

Starbucks: Go Big or Go House Blend

Some time ago I was feeling kind of down. So I headed over to Starbucks for a venti decaf triple five-pump vanilla non-fat no foam whipped cream extra hot extra caramel upside down caramel machiatto on ice. When it came out I savored it to the last drop. But a funny thing happened - I wasn't energized. Not even in the slightest. As I sat there at the table reading poetry and kicking myself for not purchasing that Corrine Bailey Rae holiday album at the register, I couldn't help but wonder - how is that 23 ounces of sugar-loaded coffee is the LARGEST size of iced coffee I could get?

Well the Starbucks gods have answered my prayers with the "Trenta" - the newest Starbucks size - 31 ounces of diabet...I mean coffee. The Trenta comes with a complimentary nurse and estate planning attorney, because if 23 ounces of coffee doesn't wake you up enough, you are probably about to die. Starbucks will also notify your loved ones so that arrangements can be made.

Now the Trenta is only being used for iced coffee and cold drinks, so you might say "hey, it's not that bad! most of those ounces are ice!" or "well McDonalds and Dunkin Donuts already sell 32 ounce cups!" And well that is true, let's be real here. It's only a matter of time before the higher-ups over in Seattle offer this baby for hot drinks too. Trenta becomes the new Venti, and Venti becomes the new Grande. I'm just trying to stay ahead of the system here.

Oh, and mad props to Starbucks for making a 31 ounce cup and calling it "Trenta," the Italian word for 30. I know it would have been really tough to make somehow make that cup hold 1 oz less.

A couple things to clear up before I go
1) I do not order ridiculous drinks like that. If it's more than 3 words, its too long for me.
2) I do not read poetry at Starbucks. That would imply that I can read. For a strongly worded opinion about people who do read poetry in Starbucks, see Mr. Neitzke.
3) No offense was intended towards Corrine. Love me some CBR.

22 Days til Hot Tub Time Machine!

Shakin' It

There are two kinds of people in the world: Those meant to PLAY competitive basketball, and those meant to WATCH competitive basketball. But don't get me wrong - just because you may be meant to watch the game doesn't mean you can't affect it. The crowd can play a big role, and sometimes, bigger is better.

Which brings me to my Hero-Of-The-Day: This guy: http://thehoopdoctors.com/online2/2010/02/fan-shakes-his-moneymaker-as-distraction-video/

This guy is in the stands at a game between Idaho and Utah State. Idaho's Marvin Jefferson is at the line shooting 2 free throws. The game is at Utah State, so the crowd is yelling and screaming, and waving their arms trying to distract him. This is a pretty common sight. What is NOT a common sight is this guy. He's down to a teeny pair of white shorts and a pair of cupid wings on his back. And oh yeah - he is shaking every bit of his what appears to be approx. 280+ pound frame.

It's a bit disturbing, but appears to be effective, as Jefferson misses both free throws.

I must say, this guy's achievement holds a special place in my heart for a reason. My senior year of college, my friends and I went shirtless, got body-painted up, and headed to the William and Mary basketball game against visiting ODU. We camped out right behind the basket. Whenever an ODU player shot free throws, we made obnoxious bird calls as loud as possible and waved our arms. We got other people around doing it too. It seemed foolproof!

ODU didn't miss a free throw. The entire game. 17 for 17. Seriously, check the box score.

So my hat goes off to you, sir, for your dedication and success. Bravo.

Thanks to Richard for sending me the link!

Olympic Wrap Up

As February comes to a close, so do the Olympics. I can't help but take a nostalgic look back on what has transpired out in Vancouver

I must say it's been amazing watching world class athletes 24/7/2 (that's 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for 2 weeks). I must say I love the new "extreme" nature of the games these days. Say what you want about whether or not they are "real sports," but the world is a much better place with Shaun White's Double McTwist 1260 and Speedy Peterson's Hurricane.

USA Hockey took me on a wild ride of hopes and expectations. I got my fill of Nordic Combined to last me another 4 years. The Night Train (choo choo!) came through in the clutch, and speedskating never offered a dull moment.

My quest to be the most graceful person on the planet was shattered in a in a matter of minutes, as Kim Yu Na raised the standard beyond mortal reach.

And curling...ah, curling...I will say I have missed it in the last four years. I'm gonna put it out there right now - I will curl before the Sochi games, come hell or frozen water with colored rings. People will think there is a concert going on in my living room, because I will put the rock in the house like nobody's business. Alright, enough bad curling puns. I think I hammered that one home enough. Ok, seriously, now I'm done.

The thing about the Olympics is that normal people in average physical condition are confronted with athletes in peak physical condition achieving goals set years ago and trained for with countless hours of intense physical labor. The reactions tend to be two-fold:
1) This makes me feel so lazy.
2) This inspires me to go work out.

People who I talk to who say #1 are invariably sitting on a couch. And eating something. Whatever level of laziness they are at in their lives, I'm gonna go ahead and guess they were pretty much that level before February 12th, and they're gonna stay that way now that NBC goes back to being a 4th place network.

People who say #2 - I admire your outlook. But I also have news for you - there's a family of networks called ESPN. Between ESPN, ESPN2, ESPNU, ESPNNEWS, and ESPNClassic, you can find people who are super athletic and inspire to work out all the time! So don't lose the drive now!

As I walked by a TV tonight and saw the closing ceremonies, so many questions ran through my head. But I think two questions are on every one's minds.
1) What will Scott Hamilton do for the next 4 years?
2) How awesome would it be to see him during everyday activities? I mean picture him at, like, an ice cream store. "Here it comes...the triple scoop of vanilla...into the WAFFLE CONE! Oh, what grace, and he's adding NUTS! I am just SO thrilled to have been a part of this Ice Cream experience today! The Sundae is COMPLETE!" He brings so much energy to ice skating commentary, why wouldn't he bring it to ice cream commentary too?

Fare thee well, winter Olympic athletes. It's been a pleasure. We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

WIDWIW: PowerBar

Tonight we issue yet another "Whatever, I Do What I Want!" Award.

Tonight's WIDWIW award goes to the producers of the latest PowerBar commercial. The commercial features Lamar Odom, who shows up at a local random gym. When someone asks him what he's doing, he says "Just eatin' new PowerBar Energy Blasts...before I go dunk on the moon." He pops in a PowerBar blast, grabs a ball, and then blasts upward with a rocket on his back.

Ok. I get it. Eat PowerBar and I can jump really high.

But here's where things go wrong. On his way up, Odom says "Get outta my way, Saturn!" He says this as he passes what is clearly Saturn - a planet with rings. After a mid-space refuel, he finally reaches the moon, which has a basketball hoop on it, that he dunks on.

There's obviously a lot of ridiculous fiction going on here that I can forgive. But one thing I just can't let slide on by. Really? He has to pass Saturn to get to the Moon? I had no idea Saturn was on the way. There wasn't any other space object that you could pick that might ACTUALLY be in the way, rather than choose a planet that is 142,316,000 kilometers OUT of the way. Was "outta my way, asteroid" or "outta my way, alien" too difficult for Lamar to say? I doubt it.

Maybe I am missing the point. Maybe everything about the commercial is so ridiculous that Saturn was intentionally chosen to add to the effect. I guess that would make sense. I really hope that's the case. If not, then congratulations, producers, for your own take on astronomy.

Birthday Wishes and HTTM:CTAM

Today is a special day. February 26th doesn't have a whole lot of significance to the vast majority of the population, but for me it is important for two very good reasons.

The first is that today is Henry's birthday. Sir, I hope you are enjoying yourself in beautiful weather down in Florida, and that everything is splendid and grand. We will meet again soon.

The second reason is that today begins a month of anticipation and excitement. Today is February 26th, which means that we are now officially one month from the release of the greatest cinematic production of the millennium.

I speak, of course, about Hot Tub Time Machine.

I have been looking forward to this movie for what feels like years (in reality, it has only been a few months). The following is the description of the plot on IMDB's web page for the film:

"Four guy friends, all of them bored with their adult lives, travel back to their respective 80s heydays thanks to a time-bending hot tub."

I don't know how I am going to make it through this month. The film...nay...experience....stars John Cusack, Rob Corddry, Craig Robinson, and Clark Duke.

It's hard for me to put into words my true feelings for this movie. After an extensive search for a representative metaphor, here's what I got. There are snakes that go months without eating. Then they finally catch something, but are so hungry that they suffocate while eating. Am I saying that i will die from seeing this movie? Well that depends - can you die from laughter? Time, specifically time travel in a hot tub, will tell.

And so begins what I now dedicate as HTTM:CTAM - Hot Tub Time Machine: Countdown to Awesome Month. T minus 28 days. If there is a midnight show Thursday night, I will be there. In the words of Tim, "All holds barred!"

Finally, today's quote of the day comes from Liesl.
"Can you imagine me kickboxing? I actually pack a really lame punch...
I would want to meet me in a dark alley."

That's all for now. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

In case you haven't seen the trailer: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4DCFPS58KYY

Omegle, Chatroulette, and Broken Bones

A couple months ago I discovered Omegle (sorry, I can't remember who told me about it. If I remembered I would give you credit!) Anyway, the concept is simple - you hit a button, and it connects you to another user. Anywhere in the world. You just IM back and forth, and you can disconnect at any point and move on to someone else.

This seemed like a recipe for disaster. I could pretty much write the story already - old creepy person convinces young impressionable teen to reveal details about themselves and meet them somewhere. Shocking news and law suit ensue.

But I came around. I mean, it's just text. How bad could it be? I decided to give it a shot. Here is a transcript of my first conversation:

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
Stranger: hot male w pic?
You: no
You: no I am not
Your conversational partner has disconnected.

To be honest, I really should have seen that coming.
But of course, like all things on the Internet, it has been taken further.

If you haven't heard of Omegle, you may have heard of Chatroulette (thanks David for filling me in). It's the same concept - hit a button, connect to anyone in the world, and disconnect at any time. The difference is that instead of just text, its done using your webcam and microphone. So you actually see and hear the person on the other end.

Unfortunately, it appears that upwards of 46% of chatroulette users are...how shall I put this...males enjoying the pleasure of their own company. And I must say, I really do not need to see that. And by I, I think I speak for everyone. Chatroulette is once again a great idea taken a horrible direction by people of the world. A great big thank you to all those guys out there.

Anyway, try either at your own risk.

On a different note, a sincere Get-Well-Soon to Lisa, who broke her wrist snowboarding this weekend. David was able to avoid such an injury by, as he put it, "resisting the instinct to stop yourself with your hands." So kudos, David, for stopping yourself with your face instead. In a related note, do you snowboard in circles because one leg is shorter than the other?

My advice has always been the same - if you're gonna get hurt, do it in a car accident that isn't your fault. My BFF Carolyn had the same injury after getting T-boned, and I imagine it's a lot easier dealing with the recovery with a few grand to help out. It just seems like a logical solution, that's all.

Well that's all for now. This Computer Law paper outline isn't going to write itself.
Note to self: Invent self-writing outline.

Quote of the Day, and Why, Law School, Why?

Today's Quote of The Day comes from Jenn and Sue

Sue: "You're more Asian than I am."
Jenn: "That's true...oh! Guess what I had for lunch?!?"
Sue: "Rice?"
Jenn: "No, cheese and crackers."

Want more? You got it! An unprecedented Quote of the Yesterday comes from Michael

Michael: "I break out to Nair"


I had a moment recently that best described the side of me that is frustrated by law school. In Criminal Procedure, we've been talking about when Fourth Amendment searches and seizures are appropriate. As it turns out, the standard is quite different for homes as opposed to cars. There's a slew of cases that establish the different standards to be used in each case.

It took a while, but I eventually was able to wrap my head around each. I finally had it all figured out. I then looked at my syllabus, opened my book to our next case, and read the following:

"We granted certiorari to decide whether law enforcement agents violated the Fourth Amendment when the conducted a warrantless search, based on probable cause, of a fully mobile "motor home" located in a public place."

Really? I get this distinction between homes and cars, and then you throw me a motor home?!?!?! Thanks. Thanks a lot. I was, however, greatly amused by the dissent's humor, who described the inquiry of whether the motor home was a house or a car as follows: "If the motor home was parked in the exact middle of the intersection between the general rule and the exception..." But after all this talk about parking and intersections, he concluded it should be treated more like a house. Nice one, Justice Stevens. Nailed it.

Profiles in Awesome: Mr. Libby

Today I present part 2 of my 497 part series, "Profiles in Awesome." Today's spotlight shines on someone near and dear to some of us - Mr. Libby.

Rather than starting at the start, Mr. Libby's awesomeness begins in the middle...his middle name that is: "Danger." Don't believe it? I didn't at first, but as it turns out, it's in his email address, so it must be true.

Those looking to g-chat with this leader of men roll over his name and are encountered with two things. The first is a clever g-chat status. It is currently "Tremendously Tremendous." This beautiful adverb-adjective combo describes not only the quality of his life but the feeling he brings to anyone around him. The second thing you encounter is his picture - a Furby. It takes a confident man to represent himself to the world with such an image. But last time I checked, confidence is a POSITIVE character trait, which means Mr. Libby is not lacking it in the slightest

As a child growing up in the northern wilderness of Maine, Mr. Libby enjoyed lumberjacking, lobstering, and watching "Aaahh...Real Monsters!". As a third-grader, he read at a sixth-grade reading level. To this day, he holds the record at his Elementary School for most successful Oregon Trail ventures.

Today, Mr. Libby spends his time on law school related activities, spending time with his beloved canine friend, Goose, hustling unsuspecting opponents in beer pong )by pretending to be bad, and then going, in his own words, "En Fuego"), or just generally spreading joy to those around him.

Citizens of Las Vegas - be aware. Mr. Libby is headed your way shortly. You are in for a treat.

Google Buzz and WWTD

It's been a while. My apologies for the delay, but I'll get right to it.

Google's latest feature has been causing quite the...what's the word...something like commotion, but shorter and catchier...not sure. Anyway, I'm talking about Buzz. Buzz is basically Facebook status without Facebook. Twitter without the character limit.

But the biggest plus for Buzz compared to these other two is it's convenience. It's right there in the same window as your Gmail, and you get a notification EVERY time someone posts something new, or someone comments on someone else's post. You can control really easily who your following, and it suggests people to follow.

Putting any privacy concerns aside (Google going through your contacts, etc.) I'm gonna go ahead and say I'm a fan. For the most part. And here's why.

1. Auto-post. As soon as I finish this entry, not only will it be uploaded onto Blawegsome, but it will also show up as a Buzz entry. This is pretty sweet. You can also set Buzz to upload your tweets. Ok...I'm alright with this. What I am NOT ok with is people setting it to upload their G-chat status. I can see your G-chat status. It's right there, like 2 inches below the Buzz link. If I don't need to go to a separate website to see it, having it show up on Buzz is worthless. C'mon people.

2. Picture and Link viewer. If your post has a link or a picture, it will show a mini version of the link or picture in your Buzz. This is nothing new - facebook status has been doing this for a while - but it is a 1-up on Twitter and is super convenient.

3. One-click-and-done. If your little buzz counter says Buzz(4) and you are tired of having to see it bolded, all you have to do is click it, and it will load up and then go back to zero. This is different from, say, Google Reader, where you have to scroll through posts to have them marked as "read." Noodles - please forgive me for saying something bad about Google Reader. Don't go all Spicy Noodles on me now...

4. It's optional. If you don't like it, disable it. It's that easy.

Overall, I'm a fan. It keeps me posted on the random thoughts of others - which is a nice break from my own welcome thoughts.


I'll leave you with this, my first edition of WWTD, or What Would Temple Do?
Here's the situation - you are coming down the stairs and see your friend sitting at the bottom on a phone conversation. If you are Temple - what do you do?

A) Walk by and pretend he does not exist

B) Walk by and wave, but don't say anything as to not interrupt the conversation.

C) Stop on the stairs so you are directly above him, and hock a loogie in fake preparation for a spit attack.

If you guessed C...you are correct! Don't get me wrong though - it was hilarious. I fully encourage hocking in a variety of situations. The fact that she didn't realize I was being interviewed made it so much better. You da man, Temple...well...sort of...

Next post will be sooner. I promise.

Winter Olympics: Making them Better.

Tonight's main focus is on the Winter Olympics. It's no secret that the Winter games are generally regarded as inferior or less interesting than the Summer games. Maybe its because the summer games have more variety. Maybe its because the US is better. Is it a lost cause? Or are there things we could do to make the Winter games more interesting? A few ideas come to mind.

1. Ok, the Winter games are definitely not opposed to combining disciplines. Nordic Combined mixes ski-jumping and cross-country skiing. Biathlon brings cross country skiing and rifle shooting together. This is a good start, but why not take it to the next level? For biathlon - replace the rifles with paintball guns and the target range with the short-track speed skating course. Moving targets are much more fun, and throwing the threat of getting nailed with a paintball would definitely change speed skating. I think for the better.

2. Curling is totally underrated, but not likely to gain popularity without a drastic change. So, have both teams go at once. From opposite ends. Here's how it goes. Each country has two teams - 1 team on each end of the ice. At the same time, 1 team from each side shoots the rock. The threat of a mid ice collision would really test their skills.

3. Minimize mechanical difficulties during the opening ceremony. I get that it's elaborate, but if you're gonna have 4 people standing there with torches, you should really have 4 pillars for them to light. I guess China set the bar way too high anyway.

4. The summer Olympics not only have more sports, but they are things which normal people can relate to - running, basketball, tennis. Even if we can't do them as well as Olympic athletes, we can still DO them. The Winter games needs to cater to the little guy as well.
Some potential sports:
-Snowball fighting
-Hot cocoa drinking
-Artistically bailing out of a sled before you hit that tree/fence.
-Snowman building
-Tunnel digging: you have to dig a tunnel and get your team to some location. Tell me you would not watch that.

Just some thoughts. IOC - Call me and we'll discuss.

I must say thanks to everyone for the feedback on the "Williamsburg State of Mind" video. The response has been overwhelmingly awesome. Thanks to everyone who watched it, I hope you liked it! We really appreciate all the wall posts and texts and everything. You guys rock.

That's all for now. Oh and speaking of Winter, here's to hoping that we are finally done with massive snowstorms for the winter. The first one was cool. The one that canceled school for a day was nice too. But at this point any more would just be snowverkill.

The Perfect High Five

One of my favorite "cool tricks" is the elbow trick. When you are giving someone a high-five, the best way to avoid an embarrassing miss is to look at the other person's elbow. If you lock your eyes on the other person's elbow, and just let your hand swing in for the high five naturally, and the other person does the same, you won't miss. Guaranteed. 60% of the time, it works every time.

This is pretty awesome. But it was not nearly as awesome as what happened when I shared this tidbit with Nick, Jill, and CJ. I demonstrated with Jill. She thought it was kind of cool. As did Nick. CJ, though, seemed skeptical. This is a common reaction. Let's do a little quiz here.

What did CJ do next?

A) Claimed she didn't believe it, but refused to try it with someone at the risk of being proven wrong.

B) Claimed she didn't believe it, tried it with Nick, but intentionally missed to try to prove a point.

C) Tried it with Nick, had it work, and became a believer.

D) Tried it...with herself. Stared at her elbows and gave herself a high-five. Aka clapped. Then proceeded to close her eyes and flail her arms about convinced she was "trying it out."

If you guessed D, you are correct. CJ...when other people are around, and someone shares something with you about giving people high-fives, how could you possibly think that the best course of action is to try it out with yourself? There were at least 3 other people around who would have been willing to give you a high-five!


Also, it's a snow day! More on that later, but for now, a little reminder that the snow can be tough on some: Teddy Bears.
http://dcist.com/2010/02/snowmaggedon_10_in_time_lapse.php
(Special thanks to Annie for the link!)

Newly Renovated Bathrooms: A Review

After months of construction, the bathrooms across form the library have finally opened up again. A few observations:

(Please note: I have only been in the Men's bathroom. I cannot speak for the Ladies' room.)

The first thing I noticed was the first temporary signs put up: "MENS" and WOMANS." This was quickly changed to "WOMENS RESTROOM." No harm, no foul.

When you first walk in, you are encountered by a large amount of stainless steel. I almost thought I was in a Chipotle. But it looks nice and shiny, so I'm a fan.

The old smell has been replaced by the smell of new paint. When this fades, hopefully it will be a pleasant...well, lets go with neutral...smell.

Here's the most interesting thing. For a guy using the urinal, going through the process (don't worry, this is G-rated) involves switching from hands to hands free quite often. Allow me to explain...
-Open the door to the bathroom: Hands Required.
-Flush the Urinal: No Hands Required (It's automatic)
-Get soap: Hands Required
-Rinse off hands: No Hands Required (Sink is automatic)
-Dry off hands: Hands Required

Why the discrepancy here? Ok, maybe an automatic door is too much, but if you install an automatic flushing urinal and an automatic sink, why would you not also install an automatic soap dispenser? And how about an automatic paper towel dispenser, or an air dryer? It just doesn't make sense!

All in all though, I'm pretty pleased with the new restrooms. It's at least nice to have them open again.

Whatever, I Do What i Want: Classroom Edition

There are a lot of different ways to hate on people. Weekend update does "Really?!?! with Seth (and sometimes Amy)." That guy on YouTube does "C'mon Son" Colbert does "Wag of the Finger." As for Blawegsome, I've done mine through one of my oldest segments - the "Whatever, I Do What I Want" Award.

Today's WIDWIW Award goes to Mr. Braswell. Sir, for a long time we put up with your refusal to whisper your comments in class, and instead say them in a voice only slightly quieter than normal, making it difficult for anyone within a 15-foot radius to actually hear the professor. But this award goes to you for a more recent...how should I put this...abomination you have brought into our lives.

I refer to Mr. Braswell's "reading assistant" - a stand that he can prop his book up on so he can read it easier. There are a lot of things in the world that make life difficult. Having to look down to read something in your book is not one of them. And don't even try to say that it saves space on the desk. If you try to pull that, I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told the guy in New York this weekend who opened his coat to show me a "rolex" - I'm not buying it.

If you insist on being fancy and making the rest of us look like fools, let me go ahead and give you some more merchandise to look into. You could get a teacup, and every time you answer a question in class, you could take a sip of tea. But don't forget to stick that pinky out - cause otherwise you're just a commoner drinking tea. You could get some polo shirts and pop the collar. You could get some pants that are fancy. That would be entirely appropriate. Cause when you bust out that book stand, that's all you become to me. Mr. Fancypants.

Maybe one day I will come around and see the wisdom in your ways. But today, I can't bring myself to give you props for that book stand (pun intended). I hope it unexpectedly snaps one day, creates a class disturbance, and causes you an embarrassing moment. Good day.

Blawegsome on Location: Richmond Airport

Sometimes you wake up with an unwavering feeling that something about today will be epic or extraordinary. Today was one of those days.

The plan for the day was simple: Trademark class at 10, where Dave and I would do one last practice argument. Then Crim Pro at 11. Head to the airport for a 4:00 flight to LaGuardia. Check into the hotel. Prep, and hit the sack early for the competition tomorrow.

Unfortunately, Madre Nature-o had other ideas.The day began at 7:00. I woke up and looked outside. While there was still plenty of snow leftover from last weekends snowstorm, no new flakes were falling. I emailed Dave, and we decided we would go to class. By 9:00 it was starting to come down hard. But it wasn't sticking yet...we had some time.

We mooted for the TM class. All was going well. By 11, the snow was starting to stick, so we decided it would be best to head to the airport and try to get an earlier flight. Got there safely, parked the car. As we are standing waiting for the shuttle to the terminal, Dave gets a voicemail. Our flight has been cancelled. We get to the terminal, to see if there's anything they can do. Fortunately, there are two seats on a different flight headed to JFK that is still running. We'll take em!

After initially questioning the validity of our transfer, the Delta people confirmed that we did in fact have seats on the plane.

A crisis has been averted. It is currently 2:00, the flight leaves in about 40 minutes. Something tells me the drama of today is far from over...

An update and more to come later!

Profiles in Awesome: S-Dub

There are some pretty awesome people walking the halls of TC Williams SoL (that's school of law, although at times we may feel like it stands for something else...) One of them is known by several names to her numerous acquaintances. To me, she is simply S-Dub.

You may have seen S-Dub around. Blonde hair. A seemingly endless supply of sweaters. A pep in her step that says "make it quick, I'm busy!" but a welcoming "how was your day?" smile. She often spends several an hour in the computer lab, available to anyone with Lexis needs, or candy needs as the case may be.

Besides being awesome, S-Dub's activities include composing flowing prose and comprehensive case briefs in ridiculously small and neat handwriting. Another one of her pastimes is dishing out inspirational quotes and heart-warming anecdotes. Sample some of her recent beauties:

-"I saw a headline, and it said 'NBA guard found with gun in locker room.' I thought, well that's not that weird. I mean he's a guard. And then I realized, and I was like 'oh...they meant like a POINT guard...'"
-"The house of love will be open for guests!" (referring to her home)
-(Frank and I said something at the same time) "Jinx! Now...one of you owes the other one a soda."
-"Is there weather happening outside?"

The kindest of hearts does S-Dub have. Just this afternoon, she offered her entire left arm be lost so that an insect might be spared. (Ok...maybe she was terrified of a bug and froze up to the point of appearing temporarily paralyzed. Maybe.) She is always up for a discussion of last night's Glee, but if you're lookin for a sugarcoater, head on down the road. S-Dub is a straight shooter. She'll tell it like it is.

So if you see S-Dub relaxing in the lab or headed towards her carrel, be sure to say hello. You will be glad that you did.

Snowmageddon 2

If there are two things that I love, they are snow and movie sequels. Snow because...well...snow is just awesome. Things close, people go crazy, and you can play in it. Not to mention the preceding madness at a grocery store near you. What's not to love? As for movie sequels, the best part is that some movies feel the need to enhance their movie sequel by working a pun involving the number 2 into the title or giving it a tag line, or sometimes both!

Examples:
Pun - 2 Fast 2 Furious
Tagline - Air Bud 2: Golden Receiver
Both - Step Up 2: The Streets

Anyway, snow and movie sequels may seem unrelated, but allow me to explain. In mid-December, the East Coast got rocked with a massive snowstorm. Many called it the "Snowpocalypse." Personally, I preferred "Snowmageddon." Anyway, last night we got hit, YET AGAIN with a massive snowstorm. This got me thinking - if there was a movie about the first storm called "Snowmageddon," What would the sequel be called?

(Sidenote: I fully understand the irony of this situation. An apocalypse or armageddon implies the END, so the idea of a sequel is pretty ridiculous. But, just work with me here, ok?)

Here's some ideas:
Snowmageddon 2: Just when you thought it was safe to drive again.
Snowmageddon 2: You're welcome, VTLA participants
Snowmageddon 2: Much Snow!
Snowmageddon 2: Global Cooling
Snowmageddon 2: Golden Receiver (Just cause...)
Snowmageddon 2: Return of the Snow
Snowmageddon 2: Plow This
Snowmageddon 2: WHAT???
Snowmageddon 2: Because Snowpocalpyse didn't work...

I'd go see any one of those! Everyone be safe in the snow. Don't drive if you don't have to. I'm off to make a snowman.

Swoopo

I saw a commercial for this website recently, and decided to check it out. It seemed interesting. It's called Swoopo, and it's basically an auction site with a little twist.

Here's how it works. You buy bids from the website for 60 cents a bid. Swoopo puts an item up for bidding - for example, bidding just ended on an HP TouchSmart Desktop. It retails for $999.99. It's a penny auction, which means the price starts at $0.00 and everytime a bid is placed, the price goes up 1 cent. They put a timer on it, and when the time hits 0:00:00, the last person to bid wins the item. But, every time someone bids, time gets added back onto the clock, so often the "last 10 seconds" will last like 15 minutes.

The $999.99 HP computer sold for $5.55. The winner placed 194 bids. So what does this mean? Well, the guy who gets the computer - he's a winner. He pays $5.55 + $92.40 (that's how much it cost him for his bids) + $19.90 (delivery cost) and he gets a real nice computer straight to his house. That's $117.85 for a $1,000 computer. So he wins.

For the site, their income is the 555 bids that were placed. At 60 cents a bid that's $333. Now I'm sure they got a deal, but I don't know how much it cost them to get to sell the computer, so maybe they made money on this item, maybe not. I am sure that overall they are landing in the black. Other items go for $30.00 or more, and a $30.00 item nets the site $1800. So the site wins.

So if the buyer wins and the site wins, who loses? The answer is those who bid, but don't win. On the HP, there was probably some guy who put in a lot of bids, but ran out eventually. We know the bidder bid 194 times. Say someone bid 100 times and wasn't the last bidder. Well that's $60 spent and nothing to show for it. Better luck next time.

It's a cool idea. Paying for bids rather than just having the eventual winner pay keeps prices down for the winner. You can check it out if you want at www.swoopo.com

Awkward Encounters

One of the most fascinating of human interactions is the greeting. When two people see each other, the potential for awkwardness is almost limitless. Sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn't. That depends on a number of factors.

The way I see it, there are three important elements (or potential awkwardness pitfalls) to every encounter: body language, conversation, and departure. The tricky part is for a successful encounter, two people must be in-sync on body language and departure, but one-sided in conversation.

Body language. When you see you will encounter someone, a decision must be made. Should you raise your head? nod your head? raise your eyebrows? smile? high five? fist bump? handshake? hug? kiss on the cheek? turn the other way and run? pretend to be reveiving a text message to avoid eye contact all together? take your earphones out, or leave them in and just pause your music? The possibilities are endless. And when two people aren't on the same page, results can be disastrous. I don't know if you've ever witness a situation where one person goes in for the hug while the other goes for the handshake. Oh man. It was just bad.

The hug is like a game of tetris, only the bottom part would be shifting TOO. Who is gonna go low, and who is gonna go high? Or will it be the hybrid diagonal hug? These things are worked out telepathically in milliseconds as the hug is about to happen. I find the best situations are where someone takes charge from far away. They hold their arms out and high, declaring "this is a hug, and I'm goin high." However, this does not always happen.

Society can be blamed for a lot of the awkward greetings that happen. Handshakes are ok for meeting someone, and ok in the workplace, and ok between guys, but too formal for a guy and girl or just girls? Hugs - some guys do them some guys don't? The fistbump goes in and out of style so much that if it was the letter "L" I would never know whether to write Style or Stye. There's so much confusion about social norms that sometimes its just a flat out guess what to go with. But if you get it right, the encounter has potential for success...at least for now.

Conversation. In today's world we have access to virtually every media outlet there is. Not to mention the always entertaining stories of our own personal endeavors. And yet how is it that you can run out of things to say to someone in 15 seconds? Conversation is an important element because it ties directly to the third and final element - departure. Awkward conversation almost guarantees an awkward departure.

The most difficult conversations can be the "walking with" ones. You meet someone, and it is clear you are going the same direction. You have a wealth of conversation topics to bring up, but you don't want to get into something and then have to cut it off at a weird time. Solution: A casual "where you headed" not only opens up potential topics but also allows you to estimate how much time you might have. Knowing this is a key to successful conversation and departure.

Another type of conversation is the "passing by." Here, there is often only an issue where a stop-and-chat might be warranted. This is a big pitfall. One person stops and the other keeps walking = disaster. However, a smile and head raise, a quick greeting, and a over-the-shoulder "have a good one" can be an easy 1-2-3. Some people develop there's signature sayings. The La Fratta "Livin' the Dream" is a personal favorite.

Departure. The final step. As great as a greeting and conversation might be, an awkward departure can shoot you in the foot faster than Nate Kaeding. The trouble arises usually from one of two situations: 1) 1 person thinks the conversation is over, while the other does not, or 2) a disturbing conversation topic is brought up, and another one is not quickly addressed. If you can avoid these pitfalls, you should be able to get through most encounters without too much trouble.

The Estate Tax Vacation...Trouble Ahead

2010 is upon us. 2010: The year of ______. Obviously, that has yet to be determined. But there is one thing I'm pretty conifdent about. December 2010 will be the Month of Pulling the Plug on Grandma and Grandpa.

The Estate Tax has been repealed for 2010 (at least for now, see more below). The Estate Tax, also called the Death Tax, is a tax imposed, as you may have guessed, on the estates of people dying. In 2001, a plan to slowly reduce the Estate Tax was implemented so that by 2010 it would be completely phased out. However, it is set to pick back up again in 2011.

Therein lies the problem - come October, November, and oh-so-especially December of 2010, there will be some rich parents in poor health with some greedy children. The lack of estate tax + the return of the estate tax in 2011. Put it all together, and it's the perfect storm. Grandma and Grandpa are circling the drain, and you're going to tell their children that their $10 million estate will be worth $10 million if they die by December 31st, but will be worth less than $5 million dollars if they die on January 1st.

How is this a good idea? On the Things-That-Are-American List, being selfish and not caring about others, especially family members, ranks pretty high on the list. You might say, "well if someone is going to die soon anyway..." But with advances in science, who knows when someone is really "going to die soon anyway?" This is just going to expand that zone outwards. To children, more time in the hospital is already more bills to pay. You're telling them that more time in the hospital is ALSO gonna mean a whole lot LESS money coming to them eventually? Sounds like a recipe for disaster. It may sound horrible, but you know there's people like that out there. How can we ensure people will get the best possible medical care with such a large counter-incentive? We can't.

So here's the deal. If you are older, have a good amount of assets, and foresee any possible health problems in the next 12 months, and suspect your children might not actually be as perfect as you like to think they are, find someone to be your medical power of attorney who is NOT a beneficiary in your will. They'll make those decisions about giving you a shot without a boat-load of Benjamins breathing down their neck. That's my advice if you've lived a good life, but continue to keep living it into 2011.

Apparently, though, we might not even get there. There's a push not only to reinstate the estate tax, but also to apply it retroactively. So people who might think they struck it big suddenly get a $3 million tax bill. But it's ok. I'm sure that won't cause a flood of litigation or anything. Things will just work themselves out. They always do.

HIMYM: The Tracy Theory

Last night's How I Met Your Mother was the 100th episode for the show, a pretty solid accomplished in this TV age. The musical number about Barney's suits was, for lack of a better term, LEGENDARY. But there was something else about the episode that I enjoyed as well.

We got as close to the mother as we have ever been - Ted dated her roommate (played by the awesome Rachel Bilson) We actually got a lot of details about the mother - music interests, etc. BUT despite referring to her multiple times, we never got her NAME. Older Ted always referred to her as "your mother" and Cindy, Bilson's character, always referred to her as "my roommate." These terms had to have been used at least 10 times.

You might say that they didn't want to give away TOO much about the mother - and so they just kept her name under wraps for now. This is entirely possible. However, I like to think of this as further evidence of "The Tracy Theory"

The Tracy Theory goes like this. In one of the earliest episodes, "Belly Full of Turkey," Ted owes Barney and goes with him to a strip club for Thanksgiving. He's talking to a stripper, who introduces herself as her stripper name, but then says her name is Tracy. Then, older Ted says that's how I met your mother. The kids are shocked. Older Ted quickly says just kidding.

Their shock produced the Tracy theory. The reasoning is that they wouldn't have been shocked if their mom was not named Tracy. For example, my mom's name is Jane. If someone told me a story about how they met, say, a fighter pilot, and her name was Sue, and then said "and that's how I met your mother" My reaction would be "...but my mom is Jane." BUT if they said they met a fighter pilot named Jane, and then said "that's how I met your mother." I would say "are you serious!?!?!??!" Thus, the Tracy Theory - the fact that the kids were shocked indicates that the mother's name is Tracy.

Some people say this was an unintended consequence - something fans came up with that the writers did not think of or anticipate at all. Personally, I think these writers are the best. A ploy like that is totally within their wheelhouse. I'm a believer. I think her name is Tracy, and they went out of their way last night to say "your mother" and "my roommate" over and over again to avoid confirming that.

Of course, the thing about last night is that as close as we got last night, I doubt we'll get that close for a while. They really don't have to revisit her again until they want to wrap the show up and finally introduce her. Well, I will continue to wait.

Awesome TV Actresses

For a couple years now, the Top 3 of my Favorite-TV-Actresses List has been as follows:
1. Kristen Wiig
2. Cobie Smulders
3. Tina Fey

Smulders and Fey flip flop for 2 and 3 from time to time, while Wiig's lock on the number 1 spot is rock solid. Occasionally a dark horse will make a run at one of the top three spots. Sarah Chalke, Jenna Fischer, Olivia Wilde, Jennifer Carpenter, Lea Michelle, they've all made runs. Recently, 2 strong actresses have emerged to challenge the top 3

One of the latest has been rising steadily up the ranks for about a year now: Eliza Coupe. Coupe plays Dr. Denise Mahoney on Scrubs: Med School. She started during the 8th season of scrubs as an intern, and was made a series regular on the new series.



Coupe nails the character: blunt, opinionated, and just generally doesn't care about other people. She tells patients that their conditions suck and sleeps with fatties because they are try hard and are grateful. At least that's the hard shell, even better is her revealing the cracks that show she might actually have feelings without wrecking the image as a whole. Random moments when you can somehow connect with this bizarre character, that's where Coupe is awesome. And the character has really started to shine a lot more now that she's out of JD's shadow.

Coupe's delivery of her jokes is awesome. One of my favorites came from last week's episode: "you and me - we're going to have a stupid jar. Every time you say something stupid, we're gonna put a nickel in that jar, and when it get's nice and full, we're gonna beat you with it." I'm not sure I had seen her smile before last night's episode "our white coats"

Which brings me to my main point. While her character is awesome and I love her humor, Coupe had a bit of a ceiling in climbing high in my rankings because we never saw her without the scrubs on. We saw her out of the hospital/school once or twice, but she never really brought it. That was the case until last night. In a 1 minute span, We got 1) a rare smile, and 2) a shot of Coupe in a dress and with her hair done. To say she brought it would be an understatement. Coupe is rising fast, yet again. Here's hoping Scrubs: Med School doesn't get canceled. But more on that later.

My other oncomer is Jane Lynch, who has done a lot of movies but has recently been playing the role of Sue Sylvester on Glee. Sue is a cut-throat cheerleading coach whose program is threatened by the rise of New Directions, the school's glee club. She makes it her personal mission to bring down the club.



Lynch's portrayal of Sue leaves little to be desired. Her hatred of Will is evident even when she is pretending to be nice. Her Sue's Corner speeches and Dear Diary voice-overs never fail, and her comedic delivery is awesome. One of my favorites: "I will go to the animal shelter and buy you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat. Then, on some dark cold night, I will steal away into your home...and punch you in the face." Classic. Sue yells "inspiration" at her cheerleaders. Things like "You think this is hard? Try being waterboarded, THAT'S hard!"

I'd say Lynch is right on the verge, becuase I am just waiting for one thing: Why hasn't she sung on the show yet??? We know she can, she's sung before in the movies (my personal favorite was her singing Spanish textbook dialogues in The 40 Year Old Virgin) I cannot wait for it. Of course, apparently Glee doesn't come back til APRIL, so I'll just have to be patient. The top 3 is safe...for now at least.

Youth in Revolt

My first shout out of the new year goes to Michael Cera. Cera's been on TV (Arrested Development), or in the movies (Juno, Superbad, Year One, Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist)just to name a few roles. The rap on him all time is that he always plays the same character. He does it well, but it's always the same character. This kind of talk was especially prevalent after the release of Year One.

Well Cera stars is the soon-to-be released film, Youth in Revolt. He plays a character named Nick Twisp, who from the trailers I have seen could be very similar to Cera's other characters. But in the movie, Nick creates an alter-ego named Francois, who is more of a bad ass. Francois is ALSO played by Michael Cera, and the two are often on camera together.

And so my hat goes off to you, Mr. Cera. I can think of no better way to beat the "he can only play 1 character" reputation than to play 2 completely different characters AT THE SAME TIME. I'm hoping this movie is a good one, and I hope it helps Cera shake some criticism. Because really, why should we be criticizing him in the first place? Because he does something well? Doesn't make a lot of sense to me, that's all.

Tribe Basketball: Our Time is Now

In the Fall of 2004, William and Mary football took their leap into the ranks of the Division 1-AA elite. A run to the national semifinals put the team on the map in the 1-AA (now FCS) circles. After a couple years of up and down results, the Tribe returned to excellence this year, narrowly losing to eventual champions Villanova 14-13 in the national semifinals.

We've seen it time and time again - all it takes is one season. One year of awesome results does wonders for a program in the years to come. Even when seniors graduate, and results don't always repeat themselves right away, things have a tendency of coming back around.

From early appearances, this could be a breakout year for William and Mary BASKETBALL. The Tribe have never been a basketball powerhouse. In reality, the were cellar dwellers in the CAA. Regular season victims for teams like George Mason and VCU who would go on to pull NCAA tournament upsets. But things have changed, and this years team has potential to do some serious damage.

The Tribe were picked to finish 11th in the CAA in the preseason. That's 11th out of 12 teams. Things looked promising though, fighting to a 9-point loss against Connecticut (now 10th in the nation). A heartbreaking triple overtime loss at Harvard was rough. But since then the Tribe have won ten in a row, and are on the verge of making the Top-25.

Notable victims have included Wake Forest, Maryland, Richmond, VCU, and Radford. Most recently, a 48-47 win at Hofstra was crucial. The Tribe shoot a lot of three pointers. Going 3-18 from behind the arc against Hofstra did not help their cause, but finding a way to win despite the poor shooting shows promise for the rest of the season.

Also helping the Tribe's cause is that the teams we play keep on winning. Connecticut is 10th in the country. Harvard game them a tough game, then beat Boston College. Richmond has wins over Mizzouri and Mississippi State. Wake is 10-2, with a win at Gonzaga and their only other loss coming to #4 Purdue. VCU beat Oklahoma and Nevada. This strength of schedule has the Tribe 6th in the RPI, a computer poll ranking all the teams in the country.

The Tribe are finally getting some well deserved media attention. A mention in a article or a tweet by an ESPN expert has been more and more frequent. After the MD win, Andy Katz, an ESPN writer, did a whole article on the Tribe.

An amusing moment came recently when I was watching the WM - Maryland game. For those who don't know the full name is the College of William and Mary. Comcast Sports Net covered the game. At the very beginning of the game, the bottom score box listed the teams as "MD" and "WSSU." A technical error, no doubt. It was quickly corrected however to "WMU" as in William and Mary University? At the start of the second half they had changed it. I bet some angry Tribe fans got on the phone and called them.

The Tribe are primed for a great season, and here's hoping their awesome play and winning continue. For more on the Tribe, see this article.

Hot Tub Time Machine

One of my favorite parts of going to the movies is seeing the previews. To many people, they are something they just have to sit through, or even plan on skipping ("sure it's a 10:05 movie, but if we get there late it will be alright. We'll just miss the previews.") Personally, I love to preview my cinematic pleasures a few months down the road.

I saw a trailer yesterday for what is without a doubt a must-see movie for me. It's called "Hot Tub Time Machine." I'm gonna say that again, just for effect. It's called "Hot Tub Time Machine." Apparently, it involves 4 guys who, while bored on a guys night, decide to party in a hot tub. Little do they know, the hot tub is actually a time machine, and takes them back to 1986, where the real adventure begins.

In short, it sounds AMAZING. But as happy and excited as i am to see this movie, it makes me a little sad as well. I believe I was born to write movies like this one. A simple ridiculous plot with simple stupid humor - that's my LIFE when it all comes down to it. One day I will write such a movie. The trailer will show - some will groan, knowing they will never in their right minds pay to see that movie. Others will laugh, knowing that they MUST see it. Most will be mildly amused and think maybe. And that's alright, because again - it's just like my LIFE.

With a hot tub time machine gone from my pool of options, my comedy screenplay will have to focus on something else. Ideas to come.

Holidays!

The Trailer for Hot Tub Time Machine - click HERE

Snowed In

The Saga continues. Friday afternoon I completed my Evidence exam at roughly 11:30 AM. A decision was to be made: pack up and go home, or stick around to celebrate another semester's close.

Two factors strongly influenced the decision.
1: A snowstorm was approaching. It would hit sometime mid-afternoon. If I hurried, I could probably beat it home.
2: Due to my bizarre sleep schedule during finals, I had pulled an all-nighter the night before and could feel the tired coming on.

In the end, I didn't want to drive while drowsy, and definitely wanted to hang out with my friends, so the decision was made to stay. I figured it would snow, but be relatively clear for a drive up on Saturday afternoon. At 2:00 on Friday afternoon, my head hit the pillow for a nap. I had multiple alarms set for 3:45, 4:00, and 4:45.

The next thing I know, it is 8:30PM. While I was certainly refreshed by my 6.5 hour nap, I was immediately chagrined by the sight of at least 4 inches on the ground, and the snow coming down hard. I put on some clothes, sent out some texts, and made my way over to Nick, Ross, and Jills. The drive over was iffy. I had hopes of heading over to the Fan a little later to meet up with other people.

Those hopes were quickly dashed. Deliveries stopped running first. Cabs were soon to follow. Frank H. came in and told us how bad the roads were. It looked like I wasn't going to make it down there after all. I stayed at the apartment for a while, then eventually made my way home.

Friday night turned into Saturday morning, and the snow was STILL coming down. I called the parental units, who relayed their orders - I was under no circumstances to try to come home until at least tomorrow. Looks like I was snowed in. Fortunately, Deener brought KRISPY KREMES, so breakfast was had.

There was no travel on Saturday. It's now Sunday Morning. I was able to excavate and brush off my car, but I am still snowed in the dorm. Might leave soon, not sure. Here's the bad: today is my best friend Carolyn's birthday, or as we like to call it, the most unimportant day of the year. The plan was to hang out this afternoon. That is looking less likely. But hope remains! Although it is only 33 degrees, the sun is out! C'mon global warming! Where are you when I need you?

Carolyn: if you are reading this, I am SNOWpefully on my way! Hold on hope.

The Song Completed.

On the TWELFTH day of finals, my law school gave to me,
"12 Look, it's snowing!
11 Machines vending
10 Late night food runs
9 Students carreling
8 2Ls tabbing
7 words a-limiting
6 1Ls sprinting
5...CAN I JUST HAVE A B?
4 Cups of coffee
3 Hours sleeping
2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."

Finals ended today with a snowstorm. It is still coming down. unfortunately it made it difficult for everyone to meet up tonight. So to those I didn't get to see: congratulations! It's been a fun semester. A few weeks off and then we'll be back at it again.

What's In A Name?

Shakespeare once wrote: "what's in a name?" Names are really important, especially involving products and companies. Having a flashy, cool name can draw in customers, while having a lame name can drive them away.

I don't know how some names get chosen, but sometimes I wish I could have been there. First of all, "mail." These days its a non, its a verb, and more! But advances in technology have led to the far too easy name "snail mail." So here's the idea: when you have a new product or service, and speed is a VERY big part of it, DON'T call it anything that rhymes with the following animals: sloth, slug, or snail. I mean it really is just too easy. But that was way back in the day, so I'll cut them some slack.

In these days though, there is no excuse. Which is why I was ashamed when I discovered there is a service out there called "Weather Undergrond." They compete with weather.com and other weather forecasting websites.

Weather Undergound? Really? I couldn't care less about what the weather is like underground. I am trying to figure out what the weather is going to be like ABOVEground. I didn't think underground weather changed too much on a day-to-day basis. In any case, it doesn't concern me. This seems clear, so I guess they might have been going for another meaning of underground? Like secret? Well chalk another one up on the fail board. When you have a website transmitting all your information to anyone who wants to see it, you are no longer underground. When you show up on a Google search for "weather," you are no longer underground. Although, I guess there is one thing "underground" about your site - not a lot of people know about it. Wanna keep it that way? I'm gonna suggest keeping the name.

So get it together, WU. Your name is not fitting, and not nearly awesome enough to get people to use it. You should really have at least one.

On the ELEVENTH day of finals, my law school gave to me,
"11 Machines vending
10 Late night food runs
9 Students carreling
8 2Ls tabbing
7 words a-limiting
6 1Ls sprinting
5...CAN I JUST HAVE A B?
4 Cups of coffee
3 Hours sleeping
2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."

Almost There...

On the TENTH day of finals, my law school gave to me,
"10 Late night food runs
9 Students carreling
8 2Ls tabbing
7 words a-limiting
6 1Ls sprinting
5...CAN I JUST HAVE A B?
4 Cups of coffee
3 Hours sleeping
2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."

Evidence is breathing down my neck. No time for more. The end is near, though!

Basement Carrels

On the NINTH day of finals, my law school gave to me
"9 Students carreling
8 2Ls tabbing
7 words a-limiting
6 1Ls sprinting
5...CAN I JUST HAVE A B?
4 Cups of coffee
3 Hours sleeping
2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."

Unfortunately, even in this, the most festive of times, we don't have a lot of time for actual caroling. Instead, we are holed up in our carrels. Thus carreling was born.

Carreling differs greatly from caroling in that there is no singing involved. It is not allowed, because the carrels are quiet areas. Carreling also sucks joy and smiles out of you, rather than allowing you to share them with others. Some say carreling is "the gift that keeps on giving." Clearly, whoever said this has no idea what they are talking about. I think "the curse that keeps on cursing" would be more accurate.

All that being said, I am thankful for my carrel. I'm down in the basement, and couldn't be happier about it. Besides the guy next to me, I don't see to many souls down here on a regular basis. What that means is that it's a quite area that actually is...well...quiet. It's got a couple things in common with a casino: there are no clocks on the wall, windows and bathrooms are hard to come by, the light is oh-so-artificial, and you don't have to go to far to find someone who looks depressed.

Sometimes I wonder if time passes while I am down here. When I have my computer up and running, I see the time. But other than that, I really have no guarantees that life hasn't ceased to exist. Hopefully things are ok up there in the real world.

MLIM

There are numerous websites becoming popular these days where "normal" people can go online and share things that happen to them. Each of these sites has a theme, and the story you are sharing dictates which site you should go to. Some of the most popular are fmylife.com, where people go on and share really embarrassing things that happened to them, and textsfromlastnight.com, where people post funny texts they receive. There are others like mylifeisaverage.com.

I was recently told of the existence of a site where people can go and tell their Harry Potter related stories - averagewizard.com. The theme here is MLIM - my life is magical. As an avid Harry Potter fan, this is pretty much the greatest thing ever. People write about performing a Patronus charm in real life or starting a Quidditch team, or making sly, underhanded comments about their teacher's affiliations with Voldermort. A sample:

"Today, I changed the name of my Internet browser to "The Chamber of Secrets". Now, whenever I open my Internet it says "Toshiba is opening the Chamber of Secrets". MLIM."

Perhaps the greatest thing about the site is it's rival hatred of the Twilight saga, or, as it is sometimes referred to on the site, "that-book-that-shall-not-be-named." I must admit I was not aware of the full extent of the Twilight/Harry Potter rivalry before. But I am full support of HP in this one.

With these sites, you have to wonder how many of the things posted actually happened. The thing is, that while the Harry Potter submissions are much stranger, I imagine a much higher percentage of them are true than say, FML. Because the fact of the matter is, some people are huge nerds. Now I'm not judging - I am a huge nerd myself. In fact, averagewizard.com not only gives me entertainment, but has inspired me. I can't say I'll go so far as to join a quidditch team, but you can bet that if I ever come across a child who is convinced there are dementors around, I will perform a patronus charm. MLIM.

Getting closer!

On the EIGHTH day of finals, my law school gave to me
"8 2Ls tabbing
7 words a-limiting
6 1Ls sprinting
5...CAN I JUST HAVE A B?
4 Cups of coffee
3 Hours sleeping
2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."

Special thanks to Frank, Kyle and Michael for telling me about Average Wizard.

The Next Verse

On the SEVENTH day of finals, my law school gave to me...
"7 words a-limiting
6 1Ls sprinting
5...CAN I JUST HAVE A B?
4 Cups of coffee
3 Hours sleeping
2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."

OK, I know this one doesn't make a whole lot of sense grammatically (the words are the things being limited, not doing the limiting, etc.), but I liked it anyway, so it made the cut.

Another QuickPost

One more week of finals! The home stretch has officially arrived.

On the SIXTH day of finals, my law school gave to me...
"6 1Ls sprinting
5...CAN I JUST HAVE A B?
4 Cups of coffee
3 Hours sleeping
2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."

Iceberg Approaches. You're Welcome.

With all that's been going on in the world of sports, politics, and the like, it hasn't really seemed like there's been a slow news day recently. But somehow, this story worked its way through the cracks onto the top stories at cnn.com

The headline reads "Giant iceberg headed toward Australia"

The iceberg, which is twice the size of Manhattan, is drifting towards mainland Australia. However, it's still a ways off, and will not get very close at its current size due to warmer waters as it gets closer.

I just want to say, on behalf of all of us, thanks for the heads up. I mean we all know how fast glaciers can move. If I was in Australia I might start getting my affairs in order. The end is near. Stellar work spotting this one. I mean, those gigantic icebergs, they are tough to keep track of. One minute they're there, and the next minute...well they are still there. And the minute after that. Pretty much in the same spot. I'm thinking I can see how this story will develop: the iceberg will move inches closer to the mainland, while losing inches of size due to melting. Ok, that should cover us for a couple months. Get back to me...in March.

Ok here we go...
On the FIFTH day of finals, my law school gave to me
"5...CAN I JUST HAVE A B?
4 Cups of coffee
3 Hours sleeping
2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."

For more on the iceberg: http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/science/12/09/australia.iceberg/index.html

Holidays!

I've started doing something recently which amuses me to a great extent, I call it "Holidays." Here's the idea: "Happy Holidays!" has become sort of a standard greeting these days. But in reality, the holidays are not happy for everyone. For some people they are depressing or sad, and nothing is gonna change that. So to those people, you saying "Happy Holidays!" is not so much a joyful greeting. Instead, you are just rubbing in their face that your Holidays are probably going to be happy, so take that! Would you wave to someone who didn't have any hands? Why would you say "Happy Holidays" to someone who will not have a happy holiday season? Don't rub it in.

So, instead, I've started saying just "Holidays!" I'm in the checkout line of a drug store, I get my change, and on my way out, instead of "have a great day" or happy holidays," I just say "holidays!" I think it sends the right message: "Hey, it's the holiday season, and well, nothing I could say is gonna change how it's gonna work out for you, so I'll see you on the other side."

The best part of "Holidays" is seeing people's reactions. Most just smile, I'm assuming they must be thinking that I said happy but they just missed it. Some people give me strange looks, but well, that's really not out of the ordinary, so I really don't know if that's the saying or not. Anyway, if you're feeling adventurous, I'd highly recommend trying it out on an unsuspecting person this holiday season.

Annnnd...the next verse of the song.
On the FOURTH day of finals, my law school gave to me...
"4 Cups of coffee
3 Hours sleeping
2 Printer meltdowns
and an Evidence test without the F.R.E."