Star Fox 64

Growing up, I was a big fan of video games. The day my brother and I got an N64 is etched in my mind as a joyous childhood moment. Nintendo 64 remains, in my opinion, the greatest video game system of all time. The list of epic games is long. Golden Eye. Mario Cart. The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time. Donkey Kong 64.

But for me, one game stands out among the others. Star Fox 64. Fox McCloud is the leader of a team of pilots called upon by General Pepper. Andross has invaded the Lylat System and is threatening to invade Corneria. Fox and his team go from planet to planet shooting down enemies and defeating mini-bosses on their way to Andross, the final boss. Fox has a bit of a bone to pick with Andross, on account of Andross killing Fox's father, James. See, the old Star Fox team consisted of James, Fox, Peppy Hare, and Pigma Dengar. On a mission, Pigma betrayed the team, and James and Peppy were captured by Andross. Peppy escaped, but James did not make it back. Fox and Peppy formed the new Star Fox team.

Fox's main team consists of Peppy, Falco Lombardi, and Slippy Toad. At certain stages Fox and the team get help from other characters, or sometimes face a team of enemies, Star Wolf (of which Pigma is now a member).

I recently had occasion to look back on Star Fox and reflect on it's excellence. A post about the GOOD parts of Star Fox would take far too long, and a post about the BAD parts of Star Fox would be near non-existent. Instead, I'd like to point out a few things that I've noticed in recent years that I was blissfully unaware of in the glory days of my youth.

1) Shoot enemies...or just let them go.
There are a couple stages that are played in "all-range mode," but for the most part you play in the standard mode where you can only fly forward. You make your way steadily towards a boss and encounter hundreds of enemy ships. You get points for shooting them, but if you don't they just go right on by. No worries. Wouldn't it be great if real-world battles were like this?
The explanation is that Fox is the leader, and flies in front, so anybody he lets by will get picked off by Falco, Peppy, or Slippy. I really hope this is not the case, because Fox seems way too smart to trust anything that important to Slippy. Which leads well to my next point...

2) Slippy sucks.
Ok, this may be a little bit out of place, because I knew Slippy sucked back in the day too. But I think it's definitely worth a mention. Slippy's worthlessness is apparent right off the bat in level 1. Slippy heads out in front, only to get chased and need rescuing. Any Star Fox player worth his salt hits Slippy intentionally with a few lasers in the rescue attempt. Just for fun. The trick is to hit him when the dialogue box is open, so you can see his face as he takes the hit.
Slippy's one "accomplishment" of the game is his construction of the Blue Marine, the submarine. But even this doesn't count for much in my book, seeing as Aquas is the worst level in the game. The game is called STAR Fox. Why am I underwater? Are there stars in the ocean?
Slippy's gender is ambiguous to say the least. Most accounts I read list "him" as a male, but you cannot tell me that there's no doubt there.
I could go on, but I'll save it for another day.

3) The Sexual Innuendo.
Maybe it's unavoidable, but looking back there really is a ridiculous amount of phrases that could be taken the wrong way. And so I give you my Top-10 Suggestive Lines from Star Fox 64.
1. "Quit dinkin' around Slip"
2. "Incoming enemy from the rear! Drop altitude"
3. "This brings back memories of your Dad..."
4. "Aim for the open spot"
5. "Things are starting to heat up!"
6. "You did it! I was worried for a moment..."
7. "Shoot the tentacles to open the core."
8. "We're getting paid a lot of cash for this!"
9. "Is that any way to greet a girl?"
10. "If I go down I'm taking you with me!"

The funny thing is I could probably extend this list to about 50 with no problem whatsoever.

4) The Character Names
As you may know, all of the characters are animals. There are basically 3 classes of character names.
1 - The type of animal is the FIRST name. This includes Fox McCloud, Falco Lombardi, Pigma Dengar, Wolf O'Donnell, etc.
2 - The type of animal is in the LAST name. This includes Peppy Hare and Slippy Toad.
3 - They just have random names. This includes Leon Powalski, James McCloud, and Andrew Oikonny.

I've gotta say, using animal types as names has always bugged me. Well I shouldn't say always, because I can pinpoint the source of my frustration. It was the TV show Franklin. It was about a bunch of animals, and they were all named their type of animal...except Franklin. There was a bear named Bear. A badger named Badger. A beaver named Beaver. And a turtle named Franklin. What!?!?!? Technically, his last name was Turtle, so "Turtle Turtle" would have been a little strange. But still, how about some consistency?

Besides lack of creativity, Franklin illustrates the problem with naming your offspring their animal name: it tends to lead to problems if other children come along. If you are a family of bears, and you name your first-born "Bear," what do you name your second child? Well, believe it or not, Franklin's friend Bear had a little sister. Her name? "Bea." Wow.

But I digress.

Anyway, please do not misunderstand and think i am saying anything bad about Star Fox. That is not my intention in the slightest. It is a great game and should be cherished as such.