Wednesday, March 24, 2010

This Is No Time To Panic, But...

I could really use a sign right now. Things are dangerously close to reaching their potential and that just cannot happen.

I speak, of course, of the Large Hadron Collider. You may know that I am a believer in what I like to call the "LHC Saboteur" Theory. For those unfamiliar, here's a quick summary:

The Large Hadron Collider is a 17-mile long particle accelerator that is (mostly) underground. It runs through France and Switzerland, and was designed to smash photons together at 99% the speed of light in order to create "the God particle" and gain insight into what might have happened at the Big Bang. The operation is run by a group called CERN.

Now they have been trying to get this thing up and running for some time now, but are constantly running into roadblocks. Miscalculations. Overheating. A few months ago a bird dropped a piece of a baguette into a piece of machinery that caused a big problem.

Now the LHC Saboteur Theory proposes that these are not just random happenings. Instead, someone or something from the future is coming back in time to keep the LHC from running at full speed. If this project were to actually succeed, results could be disastrous. So someone or something is keeping that from happening by coming back in time and throwing a wrench in these plans every few months.

Blawegsome readers know I am a BIG supporter of this theory. A lot of people think i am delusional, my father included, which is why he was the first to send me this little tidbit of news: http://www.gearlog.com/2010/03/cern_to_power_up_collider_to_7.php

The baguette incident - a stroke of genius by the Saboteur - was almost 5 months ago. In that time, they've been able to get this thing working its way up to speed. Speed started building in December, and it appears they are getting close to where they want to be. On March 30th, they plan to collide particles at 7 Tera-electron-volts, which is twice as fast as what they've done so far.

Let me be perfectly clear: I'm not worried. I have the utmost faith and trust in the Saboteur. He/she hasn't let me down yet, and won't start now. But...LHC Saboteur: If you are reading this from the future, we could really use some help here. They seem to be getting close. You've got a week. Much love.

I will say this - when I first posted about the LHC Saboteur, he responded with another strike within days. That's what I'm counting on here. I await your next move in earnest.

One final note: I've fully comprehended the possibility of CERN leaking some fake progress reports to the press in order to set up some kind of trap. While technically possible, I trust they know that those kinds of plans cannot work on a hero from the future. He will see right through it, because it has already happened.

I'll keep you posted as updates come in.

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