Some time ago I was feeling kind of down. So I headed over to Starbucks for a venti decaf triple five-pump vanilla non-fat no foam whipped cream extra hot extra caramel upside down caramel machiatto on ice. When it came out I savored it to the last drop. But a funny thing happened - I wasn't energized. Not even in the slightest. As I sat there at the table reading poetry and kicking myself for not purchasing that Corrine Bailey Rae holiday album at the register, I couldn't help but wonder - how is that 23 ounces of sugar-loaded coffee is the LARGEST size of iced coffee I could get?
Well the Starbucks gods have answered my prayers with the "Trenta" - the newest Starbucks size - 31 ounces of diabet...I mean coffee. The Trenta comes with a complimentary nurse and estate planning attorney, because if 23 ounces of coffee doesn't wake you up enough, you are probably about to die. Starbucks will also notify your loved ones so that arrangements can be made.
Now the Trenta is only being used for iced coffee and cold drinks, so you might say "hey, it's not that bad! most of those ounces are ice!" or "well McDonalds and Dunkin Donuts already sell 32 ounce cups!" And well that is true, let's be real here. It's only a matter of time before the higher-ups over in Seattle offer this baby for hot drinks too. Trenta becomes the new Venti, and Venti becomes the new Grande. I'm just trying to stay ahead of the system here.
Oh, and mad props to Starbucks for making a 31 ounce cup and calling it "Trenta," the Italian word for 30. I know it would have been really tough to make somehow make that cup hold 1 oz less.
A couple things to clear up before I go
1) I do not order ridiculous drinks like that. If it's more than 3 words, its too long for me.
2) I do not read poetry at Starbucks. That would imply that I can read. For a strongly worded opinion about people who do read poetry in Starbucks, see Mr. Neitzke.
3) No offense was intended towards Corrine. Love me some CBR.
22 Days til Hot Tub Time Machine!
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