Tough Times for Ninjas

The economic recession has spread far and wide. It's tough to find work, and people are struggling to pay the bills and get by. Some professions have been hit harder than others, but there is no doubt as to the group that has suffered the most: Ninjas.

It's been a while since my first post about Ninjas - a little more than 10 months. Since then they have been, true to form, laying low. Or so it has seemed.

But it's come to my attention that due to economic hardships, the demand for traditional mercenary functions of ninjas has been low. As a result, many ninjas have had to take side jobs to put some food on the table. These side jobs are mostly jobs that must be taken care of without being noticed or drawing attention in any way. Here's what they've been up to:

1. Fire Extinguisher Inspection. Next time you see a fire extinguisher, take a look at that little paper tag on the front that notes how often it is inspected. The frequency is ridiculous! Some get checked every week. Now, try to think of the last time you saw someone performing one of those inspections. Drawing a blank? I thought so.

2. Protecting Trix. The Trix rabbit is always after some Trix, but kids try to stop him, based on the discriminatory notion "Trix are for kids." On paper, this match-up is ludicrous. A talking rabbit getting continuously outsmarted by a bunch of litte kids? There is no way. Everyone knows rabbits are sneaky, and kids think they are adorable. There must be another party at work here. Ninjas are on the side of the kids, working to make sure that the Trix are, in fact, just for kids.

3. Creating Trending Topics. If you're on Twitter, you know ridiculous hashtags show up in the Top-10 Trending Topics, usually either right above or right below "Justin Bieber." Who creates these? How do they get so popular? What is Twitter's algorithm for determining trending topics? The whole system is shrouded in secrecy. Aka it has the work of ninjas written all over it.

What's most impressive is that even with all of this extra work, ninjas have still been dominating their ongoing feud versus pirates. Recent news results for pirates feature two prominent stories. First, ten pirates attacked a German cargo ship and were arrested by the Dutch navy. Caught by the Dutch Navy? That's kind of embarrassing, pirates. Another pirate boat took on an American warship and was quickly sunk. Poor choice. Both these stories seem very out-of-place, even for pirates. I mean, they couldn't have actually thought they could take on an American warship and come out victorious, right? They must have been deceived. They got NINJAD (its like the ninja version of getting lawyered). Arrested by the Dutch? Ninjad. Even the Pittsburgh Pirates gave up 13 runs in ONE INNING last week. Sounds like a temporary loss in the rules and objective of baseball. NINJAD.

So keep at it, ninjas. Soon times will turn around and you can get back to your more traditional roles. Also, if any Twinjas (Twitter Ninjas) are reading this, I certainly would not object if #blawegsome showed up in the Top Trending Topics.