Ninjas

I've been putting of posting about this waiting for the details to develop. Frankly, it's a sad comment on the state of the nation that this is not that big a story but people continue to obsess about Jon and Kate Plus 8, or as they will soon be known, Jon Plus Four and Kate Plus Four.

Actor David Carradine was found dead on June 4th. Reports and conclusions have differed, but a Thai forensic expert concluded he died of autoerotic asphyxiation. He was found with rope around his neck and his genitals. However, different reports have come in about some of the details. One said he was found hanging from the ceiling by a rope. Another said he was curled up on the floor. Another said his hands were tied behind his back, indicating that it was neither suicide nor accident. A photograph showed his hands tied above his head.

But wait, there's more. Naturally, the family would have trouble believing that he committed suicide or died by accident in some strange sex act. Could there be another explanation? Certainly. Attorney Mark Gergaros suggested that Carradine may have been killed by a secret society of kung fu assassins that Carradine was trying to uncover. That's right. A secret ninja society thought he was getting too nosy, so they killed him in, well, an interesting way.

First, isn't a secret society of ninjas kind of redundant? Being secret is pretty key for ninjas to start with. If there was a job description, "keeping secret" would probably be right after "extreme martial arts skills" and right before "must be ok with being awesome." There's no out in the open group of ninjas. So how can there be a secret society of ninjas? I just assume that all ninjas are part of a secret society, because they are ninjas.

Second, this is a fantastic story to go with, because (a) it explains everything, and (b) it cannot be disproven.
Q: Suppose some security camera footage showed no one else in the room with David Carradine. What then?
A: Well, they are ninjas. Do you think they are gonna get caught on a camera? Not a chance.

Q: It looked like he committed suicide.
A: Would a ninja want it to look like murder? Not a chance.

Q: Ok, that's all well and good, but isn't the fact that this idea about ninjas just evidence that it wasn't ninjas? A true kung fu assassin would never let a story like this leak.
A: Normally, I would agree with you. But surely you are aware of the long time feud between pirates and ninjas. Pirates have been getting a LOT of press recently. Ninjas just wanted to remind everyone out there that they were still around, and clearly, very much a threat.

Q: It can't be disproven?
A: Absolutely not. We're talking about a secret society of NINJAS. The authorities would have a hard enough time finding a secret society of plumbers. Think they even have a shot finding ninjas? No way.


Just remember people, ninjas are out there. If you are alive and reading this, you must be on their good side. So I guess the lesson is simple: Do not try to uncover secret societies of kung fu assassins. Just don't.