Holidays

With Halloween only 364 days away, it can be easy to get caught up in the hype of planning your next costume. But don't get carried away. There are plenty of other excellent holidays on the way before 10/31/2010. And probably a couple you haven't heard of. Let's make like Dumbledore and shed some lumos on this situation

1. Thanksgiving. November 26th. The idea behind Thanksgiving is that people will take some time, reflect on their lives, and be grateful for blessings. But our holiday forefathers were realists. They knew not many people would actually do this. So they cooked up some story about Pilgrims and food to make it a tradition that there would be an elaborate feast with way too much of all kinds of dishes. They built giving thanks right into the system, as in
"Thankfully I don't have to cook anything else for 5 days. We'll just eat leftovers."
"Thank God I don't have to do that many dishes at once again until next Thanksgiving."
"Aunt Betty got snowed in and won't be joining us. No annoying relatives, and more food for me. Of this I am thankful."
Basically, no matter what your outlook on life is, or how much self-reflection you do, you can always be thankful for SOMETHING when there is family and cooking, even if it is that it will all be over soon...

2. Christmahannuboxingkwanzukamas Day. Some people prefer to say "the Holiday season." To them I say, "Really? How do you think that makes the other seasons feel?" Summer, Autumn, Winter, and Spring have been getting cut down for years now. Take Autumn. First, they stick you with not 1 but 2 U's, clearly the worst vowel in the alphabet, then they assign the dreaded "mn" combo? Ouch. This led to most people falling for the easier-to-say-and-spell "fall" instead. Not only is it easier, but it is also a verb, lending it to be used in such phrases as "Spring ahead, fall back." And it's not just Autumn! The proud title of "season" has been getting tossed around more than H1N1. We've got hurricane season, flu season, [insert sport here] season, stop me anytime. Basically, any kind of time period more than a week and a half that has some kind of theme can be called a "season." Well I'm not buying it. Let's give the REAL 4 seasons their dignity back, and come up with a new word for all the fake seasons. I'm going with Hurricane Puppy-Time. No one is gonna argue with something called "Puppy-Time." It's just so adorable, it must be right.

3. Groundhog Day. February 2nd. When New Years Eve rolls around, people make resolutions, promise themselves a fresh start, vow to make the coming year better. Then they fall flat on their face, mess up, and everything is ruined by MLKJ day. Well don't worry, readers. For groundhog day is just around the corner - a day where if you mess something up, you can just get a re-do, and keep trying until you get it right. Sadly, for those of us who aren't Bill Murray, this isn't always a reality. Instead, we are stuck with a day that is exactly like the day before it, and after it, except for one small difference - thousands of people flock to Pennsylvania to see some guy in a coat hold up a groundhog. Thrilling, really.

A big part of it must be the suspense of Groundhog Day. If Phil comes out and sees his shadow, gets scared, and runs back into his hole, then there will be 6 more weeks of winter. But let's face it - this tradition is outdated, and it's value as a prophecy is about as meaningful as a promise from Orlando that he will show up to a flag football game. I'm sure he's scared off by his shadow, and not the throngs of crazy people and flash cameras trying to catch a glimpse. And 6 more weeks of winter? That's clearly a pre-global warming idea. There's no way winter extends into late March these days.

4. St. Patrick's Day. March 17th. Honestly, this one never ceases to amuse me. A holiday completely based on drinking, and the color green. I wonder how St. Patrick would feel about the way his day is celebrated. Upset? Amused? I'll tell you who is furious - all the other saints that nobody knows because they don't have days. They must loathe Patrick. They would probably be green with envy, except that would actually be construed as supporting St. Patrick and his day. There need to be more holidays where one color plays a huge role. I suppose orange is pretty big with Halloween. Brown seems to have some pull with Thanksgiving. Obviously, green and red are Christmas colors. But Green and St. Patrick's Day take them all to the cleaners. Do you get physically attacked for not wearing orange on Halloween? No way. It's this kind of dedication that we need. in all our holidays. Let's associate a color with every holiday, and make drinking said-colored beer an integral part of the celebration. I cannot wait for my pink beer come valentines day.

5. Flag Day. June 14th. It's a sad commentary on our nation that "Groundhog Day" is much more popular than "Symbol-of-our-Freedom Day." I do my best to support awareness of Flag Day. I think it would be more popular if people could create their own flags. It's no insult to America, but July 4th is less than a month away. This year, I will create my own flag, most likely encompassing the spirit of my favorite things that start with "S" - Snuggies, ShamWows, Steve Nash, Snickers bars, Samurai Swords, Sleeping in, and Scrubs. It should be awesome.

Those are just a few highlights, but there is PLENTY of opportunity for festivity and celebrations in the years to come. And I for one cannot wait.