Planes, Explosions, and Flowers

I've seen a lot of weird stories in my day. This is certainly not the strangest, but definitely worth mentioning.

Apparently, a woman who was getting married in Italy decided to do something special instead of the normal run-of-the-mill bouquet toss. Instead, she gathered all the single ladies on the seashore, and hired a plane to fly overhead. As the plane flew over, a guy in the plane would drop the bouquet into the crowd of women.

This could not be a crazy, strange story unless something went horribly wrong. Which it did.

While the guy was waiting to throw the bouquet down, the flowers got sucked into the tail rotor, causing the ENGINE TO EXPLODE. The plane plummeted to the ground, narrowly missing a hostel and crashing hard into the ground. Both the pilot and the flower guy were injured, but fortunately neither was killed.

And so I'm sure my two friends in the hospital recovering from the plane crash will join me in presenting yet another "Whatever, I Do What I Want" Award. Today's "Whatever, I Do What I Want" Award goes to Brides. Girls are raised being told that their wedding day will be "their special day" or "the happiest day of their lives." Somehow this goes in their heads and gets translated as they get to demand and have whatever they damn well please. But there has to be a line drawn, and that line is where your desire to do something "fun and different" puts people in the hospital. Was this a fluke accident that couldn't have been foreseen? Sure. Was this whole thing safe in the first place? Uh, I'm gonna go with NO. You are dropping plants into a throng of husband-hungry, ugly-bridesmaid-dress-wearing, open-bar-drinking women from a PLANE, and you think that's safe? Lets do some hypos
-Scenario A: They try to catch it. Someone is gonna get hit in the face with some flowers. An eye will get hurt. That is virtually certain.
-Scenario B: They let it fall. A massive pile-up ensues. I pity that girl on the bottom, but at least she will have flowers at the hospital.
-Scenario C: There is no Scenario C.

While the choice of being in a hospital may be preferable to doing the chicken dance with your aunts and cousins to some, I'm thinking most would prefer to celebrate your marriage injury free. So come on brides. Let's have some common sense. Or at least follow these simple rules when considering an extravagant wedding stunt.

Rule 1: Bouquet tossing should not involve hired help, airplanes, locomotives, automobiles, scuba gear, puppies, time machines, Brussels sprouts, chainsaws, or jello. Wait, scratch that. Jello is strongly encouraged for use in all activities involving multiple single women.
Rule 2: Electronic devices should be avoided unless necessary. Exceptions: Speakers for the DJ, and night vision goggles (cause those are just awesome)
Rule 3: If when reading this post, you thought of something in your wedding plans and said "on second thought..." it is probably dangerous. Scrap it.

Follow these rules, and everyone will be happy, or at least as happy as you can be at a wedding.