My fourth edition of Profiles in Awesome looks into the sweet life of my friend Mr. Simon.
Simon currently resides in the nation's greatest city, McLean, VA. A passionate environmentalist and aspiring poet, there is a softer side that few get close enough to see. Most, however, know Simon for his strong, manly, and all-around rugged exhibition of Judaism in motion. Simon lives his life like he plays his poker - without thinking. Just doing. But the joke's on you guys - he's gotten this far without thinking, he is sure as hell not about to start now.
Simon goes hard in all aspects of life. If you see him on a diamond, you can be sure it is a baseball diamond, not a softball one. And when at the plate, he has no use for an aluminum bat you might expect to see. No, sir. Simon won't take a swing unless there's a big piece of wood in his hands. Just as courageous off the field, Simon recently went toe-to-toe in a earthquake pun-off with the Pun King himself, and held his ground (see what I did there?)
Simon is well-liked by all who cross his path. His G-chat statuses turned Google Buzz postings average 14.7 comments per post, an impressive statistic. The recent slow-down in the wave of people friending him on Facebook is not due to any lack of popularity, but rather Facebook just not being able to keep up.
An above-average poker player, a good employee, a better son, and a somewhere-in-the-middle-of-all-those friend, Mr. Simon is a great individual to have around. He's been called "the best thing since sliced Challa" (or halla, depending on whether or not you spell it right). Invite him to your next gathering and he might just buy a suit for the occasion. Or at least put on some pants. Either way, you can't go wrong. When this Simon Says, I listen.