First of all, a happy-birthday shout out to DeVon, and to my Mom. The fact that DeVon shares a birthday with my mother has to fit into my theory that we are actually brothers. I'm not quite sure how it fits in, but it must.
Speaking of absurd theories, I posted recently about my now-not-so-secret mission to FRAME CHINA. While I recognize I may have committed a crucial error in revealing the mission on Blawegsome, I figured it was a necessary step. For one thing, let's be real how many people see what I write here? 30? Enough said. Second, I had to a message back to the higher-ups that I needed more clues to know exactly what my mission entailed.
Well that message was received. On Friday afternoon I found myself at work, energetically analyzing contracts when I came across MY NEXT CLUE. At the bottom of every page of this one contract was a numerical code. Sure, a lot of contracts have codes, but what made this one stand out was...well...that it stood out. It had to be 100 point font and bold. On every page of a 15 page document. With an asterisk on either side. Now, due to company confidentiality I cannot reveal the code, but I can say to the higher-ups: message received. I will wait for your next clue.
Finally, astute readers may have picked up something strange about that preceding paragraph. You may have noticed that I was "energetic" at work on a Friday afternoon. Everyone knows that this doesn't happen. The post-lunch coma, the 2:30 feeling, whatever you want to call it - we all know what its like. 5-hour-energy has undertaken an extensive and costly marketing campaign aimed at people who suffer from just trying to make it until 5. But there may be another way - a way I discovered this last Friday.
The story begins on Thursday afternoon. At 5:00 the sky turned dark. The wind picked up. You could just tell the sky was about to open up. And open up it did. A fierce storm rolled through Richmond, drenching umbrella-less pedestrians and breaking tree limbs like Craig breaks newly-purchased baseball bats (too soon?). I stayed at work until the storm had gone through, and then took off for home. Unfortunately, my top 5 route choices were blocked by fallen trees. I finally made it home around 6:30 to find the electricity was out. I decided I would wait it out. I laid down for a nap, turning the light-switch on, so that when the power came back on, the lights would come back on, and I would wake up. I fell asleep at about 7.
I woke up. It was still dark - no power. It was dark outside. I checked my cell-phone. 2:30 AM. That's right, I had just taken a 7.5 hour nap. Mark and Henry, my college roommates can attest to my epic napping abilities, but this may have been close to a record. Anyways, my plan actually kind of worked, because the power came back on at 2:45. Well, I was awake. I knew I was not going to be able to fall back asleep for a while. So I did what seemed logical at the time - I fired up the grill and threw on a steak. It was delicious. At about 3:30, I briefly considered just getting dressed and going into work. I decided against it, and at 4:30 decided to get back into bed. I slept from 5:00 to 8:00, then got up and started the day.
That afternoon, Lauren and I tried a near-by Greek place for lunch. I got a MASSIVE meal, I was sure the food-coma would set in. But 2:00 came by and I was as energized as ever. 3:00 - same thing. 4:00 - still going strong. It never hit me. I was shocked. And so it is with great pleasure that I announce my 3 step plan to beating the afternoon energy-suck.
Step 1: Sleep 7.5 hours.
Step 2: Grill and eat a steak.
Step 3: Sleep another 3 hours.
And you are good to go.
Happy Shark Week everyone!