It's been a while. First off, just wanted to wish safe travels to everyone going to Cambridge this summer. Have an awesome time.
Fans of the blog know I love infomercials. Snuggies, ShamWows, and the like. And so I was shocked and saddened at the recent death of Billy Mays, the undisputed king of infomercials. Like the late great Mr. Jackson, Billy was only 50. Early reports say that he suffered a head injury during a rough flight landing that initially didn't seem serious but turned out to be.
Billy had an old school pitching style he learned as a kid selling products on the boardwalk at Atlantic City. "Hi Billy mays here for..." No one could do it like this guy. But best of all, he was completely aware that people made fun of his style and embraced it. He just knew that's the way he did it and nothing was gonna change him. Mays was also an avid user of all the products that he promoted. Hats off to you, Billy, you will be missed.
More to come soon.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Mantracker
I recently discovered a new awesome show. Thanks go out to Amelia's colleagues for the info. The show is called Mantracker, and airs on the Science Channel. Here's the premise: Two people are taken out to the wilderness and given a map and compass. They have to get to an endpoint, usually at least 20 miles away. They are tracked by "Mantracker" and a guide who knows the terrain. Mantracker and the guide are both on horses, the prey are on foot. Mantracker doesn't know the endpoint, and the prey get a 2km head start. If the Mantracker catches them, they lose. If he doesn't the prey wins. There is no prize, only satisfaction.
The show is packed with action from start to finish. There is never a moment where you can say "ok, they're safe. I'm gonna go get a sandwich" On the episode last night, the guys tried to set some false tracks to fool the tracker. He was onto their plan though, and had them in eyesight within 15 minutes. Of course, he doesn't just have to spot them, he has to CATCH them. Honestly, I don't yet know what that entails, seeing as the prey won last night. I have grand visions of a lasso or a blow dart, or even a paintball gun. That would be awesome.
The music in the show is excellent. You know how most shows have dramatic music leading up to a commercial break? Well Mantracker has dramatic music ALL THE TIME, because it's ALWAYS dramatic. It really is fantastic.
Watching the show, I was most taken not by the skill of the prey, or the tracker, but by the cameramen. The camerawork is incredible. So many shots from so many angles. And I feel like if I was the prey, trying to hide my tracks and not make footprints, it would frustrate me to have a camera team along for the ride. After a little research, I just discovered that they go back and re-shoot some shots for dramatic effect, and that sometimes they send out fake camera crews and prey. They also make the tracker explain his reasoning to try to get him to just avoid tracking cameramen. A little disappointing, but still give the camera guys a lot of props.
If you haven't seen it, you should check it out. Wednesday nights. Its summer. There is nothing good on TV. You have no excuse.
The show is packed with action from start to finish. There is never a moment where you can say "ok, they're safe. I'm gonna go get a sandwich" On the episode last night, the guys tried to set some false tracks to fool the tracker. He was onto their plan though, and had them in eyesight within 15 minutes. Of course, he doesn't just have to spot them, he has to CATCH them. Honestly, I don't yet know what that entails, seeing as the prey won last night. I have grand visions of a lasso or a blow dart, or even a paintball gun. That would be awesome.
The music in the show is excellent. You know how most shows have dramatic music leading up to a commercial break? Well Mantracker has dramatic music ALL THE TIME, because it's ALWAYS dramatic. It really is fantastic.
Watching the show, I was most taken not by the skill of the prey, or the tracker, but by the cameramen. The camerawork is incredible. So many shots from so many angles. And I feel like if I was the prey, trying to hide my tracks and not make footprints, it would frustrate me to have a camera team along for the ride. After a little research, I just discovered that they go back and re-shoot some shots for dramatic effect, and that sometimes they send out fake camera crews and prey. They also make the tracker explain his reasoning to try to get him to just avoid tracking cameramen. A little disappointing, but still give the camera guys a lot of props.
If you haven't seen it, you should check it out. Wednesday nights. Its summer. There is nothing good on TV. You have no excuse.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Ninjas
I've been putting of posting about this waiting for the details to develop. Frankly, it's a sad comment on the state of the nation that this is not that big a story but people continue to obsess about Jon and Kate Plus 8, or as they will soon be known, Jon Plus Four and Kate Plus Four.
Actor David Carradine was found dead on June 4th. Reports and conclusions have differed, but a Thai forensic expert concluded he died of autoerotic asphyxiation. He was found with rope around his neck and his genitals. However, different reports have come in about some of the details. One said he was found hanging from the ceiling by a rope. Another said he was curled up on the floor. Another said his hands were tied behind his back, indicating that it was neither suicide nor accident. A photograph showed his hands tied above his head.
But wait, there's more. Naturally, the family would have trouble believing that he committed suicide or died by accident in some strange sex act. Could there be another explanation? Certainly. Attorney Mark Gergaros suggested that Carradine may have been killed by a secret society of kung fu assassins that Carradine was trying to uncover. That's right. A secret ninja society thought he was getting too nosy, so they killed him in, well, an interesting way.
First, isn't a secret society of ninjas kind of redundant? Being secret is pretty key for ninjas to start with. If there was a job description, "keeping secret" would probably be right after "extreme martial arts skills" and right before "must be ok with being awesome." There's no out in the open group of ninjas. So how can there be a secret society of ninjas? I just assume that all ninjas are part of a secret society, because they are ninjas.
Second, this is a fantastic story to go with, because (a) it explains everything, and (b) it cannot be disproven.
Q: Suppose some security camera footage showed no one else in the room with David Carradine. What then?
A: Well, they are ninjas. Do you think they are gonna get caught on a camera? Not a chance.
Q: It looked like he committed suicide.
A: Would a ninja want it to look like murder? Not a chance.
Q: Ok, that's all well and good, but isn't the fact that this idea about ninjas just evidence that it wasn't ninjas? A true kung fu assassin would never let a story like this leak.
A: Normally, I would agree with you. But surely you are aware of the long time feud between pirates and ninjas. Pirates have been getting a LOT of press recently. Ninjas just wanted to remind everyone out there that they were still around, and clearly, very much a threat.
Q: It can't be disproven?
A: Absolutely not. We're talking about a secret society of NINJAS. The authorities would have a hard enough time finding a secret society of plumbers. Think they even have a shot finding ninjas? No way.
Just remember people, ninjas are out there. If you are alive and reading this, you must be on their good side. So I guess the lesson is simple: Do not try to uncover secret societies of kung fu assassins. Just don't.
Actor David Carradine was found dead on June 4th. Reports and conclusions have differed, but a Thai forensic expert concluded he died of autoerotic asphyxiation. He was found with rope around his neck and his genitals. However, different reports have come in about some of the details. One said he was found hanging from the ceiling by a rope. Another said he was curled up on the floor. Another said his hands were tied behind his back, indicating that it was neither suicide nor accident. A photograph showed his hands tied above his head.
But wait, there's more. Naturally, the family would have trouble believing that he committed suicide or died by accident in some strange sex act. Could there be another explanation? Certainly. Attorney Mark Gergaros suggested that Carradine may have been killed by a secret society of kung fu assassins that Carradine was trying to uncover. That's right. A secret ninja society thought he was getting too nosy, so they killed him in, well, an interesting way.
First, isn't a secret society of ninjas kind of redundant? Being secret is pretty key for ninjas to start with. If there was a job description, "keeping secret" would probably be right after "extreme martial arts skills" and right before "must be ok with being awesome." There's no out in the open group of ninjas. So how can there be a secret society of ninjas? I just assume that all ninjas are part of a secret society, because they are ninjas.
Second, this is a fantastic story to go with, because (a) it explains everything, and (b) it cannot be disproven.
Q: Suppose some security camera footage showed no one else in the room with David Carradine. What then?
A: Well, they are ninjas. Do you think they are gonna get caught on a camera? Not a chance.
Q: It looked like he committed suicide.
A: Would a ninja want it to look like murder? Not a chance.
Q: Ok, that's all well and good, but isn't the fact that this idea about ninjas just evidence that it wasn't ninjas? A true kung fu assassin would never let a story like this leak.
A: Normally, I would agree with you. But surely you are aware of the long time feud between pirates and ninjas. Pirates have been getting a LOT of press recently. Ninjas just wanted to remind everyone out there that they were still around, and clearly, very much a threat.
Q: It can't be disproven?
A: Absolutely not. We're talking about a secret society of NINJAS. The authorities would have a hard enough time finding a secret society of plumbers. Think they even have a shot finding ninjas? No way.
Just remember people, ninjas are out there. If you are alive and reading this, you must be on their good side. So I guess the lesson is simple: Do not try to uncover secret societies of kung fu assassins. Just don't.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Bagels in the morning....and afternoon....that's it.
If you walk through Washington D.C. on a normal workday around 1:00, you're dining options are virtually endless. However, walk those same streets not 4 hours later and it is a ghost town in terms of eateries. Hundreds of restraunts are open for lunch but close around 3. And it's not just in the District. It's everywhere.
The absolute worst offenders are bagel places. I don't know who decreed on their death bed that all bagel places were to be closed once the lunch rush was over. This would make sense if no one got a bagel hankering after 4:00. But frankly it just doesn't happen that way. Sometimes I need a bagel in the evening or at night like the Cuban 5 needs a change of venue.
So when this whole law thing is through, I will pursue my true calling in life. I will open a bagel place that stays open til 9 PM. The menu will feature dinner entres featuring bagels. Because lets face it, bagels have holes, why shouldn't they be served the whole day? It's gonna be huge, be on the lookout.
No disrespect to Chesapeake, Einstein Bros, Manhattan Bagel and the like, but I've never been one to follow the crowd without reason or rhyme. Bagels are awesome.
The absolute worst offenders are bagel places. I don't know who decreed on their death bed that all bagel places were to be closed once the lunch rush was over. This would make sense if no one got a bagel hankering after 4:00. But frankly it just doesn't happen that way. Sometimes I need a bagel in the evening or at night like the Cuban 5 needs a change of venue.
So when this whole law thing is through, I will pursue my true calling in life. I will open a bagel place that stays open til 9 PM. The menu will feature dinner entres featuring bagels. Because lets face it, bagels have holes, why shouldn't they be served the whole day? It's gonna be huge, be on the lookout.
No disrespect to Chesapeake, Einstein Bros, Manhattan Bagel and the like, but I've never been one to follow the crowd without reason or rhyme. Bagels are awesome.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
High School Yearbooks
Its been a while. Don't hate the player, hate the casenote. Well, right back to it then I guess.
In the house projects I've been involved with since I got home, I recently discovered my old high school yearbooks. Looking back through what people signed was an excellent, hilarious experience. If you have old yearbooks somewhere, I'd highly recommend it. I thought I might share some.
Two disclaimers
1) I went to a science and tech high school. We were big nerds.
2) My nickname in high school was Chipee. I apparently both looked and sounded like a chipmunk.
3) We had a pool table in our senior lounge. I played. A lot.
-"You damn chipmunk, next matball game you'll feel my rage. I will make sure you have rubber marks on the side of your head so bad you'll have to get skin grafts. Have a nice summer :-) AND SLEEP LIGHTLY"
-"Yo JT Sorry, But I'm getting off the bus soon so I'll have to keep this short. You're pretty cool for a chipmunk. That's about it. CYA next year."
-"Yup, Chipee, if anyone can take the verbal abuse I gave, it was you. Sorry I said you were a squirrel. CYA next year."
-"Hello, I'm signing this for the second time, which is entirely pointless because I have nothing to say. Weeee!"
-"It's a moose. Get it?" (This was next to a picture of a moose that looked like...well...something else)
-"JT, Have a Tall summer."
-"Hey JT, you seemed to lose a lot of money this year. You've got a problem, and we can get you help. Never go to Vegas."
-"Hamlet beats Moses any day! It was a lot of fun working in the snack bar with you this year. Be careful with that sword next year."
"Botcher, First the OM Team and then Team Botch. What great team will we be on next? When the world gets you down, just remember you are a midget in love. Have fun being a nanny this summer. Fight the good fight."
"JT, econ and gov were great. Botch on!"
"JT, it's ya boy Omair hittin up yo yearbook with an entry. Beyond your insane pool talent, you were Rick James and I was Charlie Murphy. Darkness! Cicada! You've been gayed! Beyond that, you were a super cool guy with an infectious smile. Good luck at W&M next year. Oops, almost wrote UVA! Peace out, your darkness brother for life. PS Word! He's allllright!"
"JT! The man who rules the pool table. Have fun becoming a sports commentator! Watch hockey, football, soccer, and cricket, become world famous, and someday kids will be playing JT Football 2034 for Playstation 8! Have fun in life."
Good times. I encourage anyone with the ability to do the same.
In the house projects I've been involved with since I got home, I recently discovered my old high school yearbooks. Looking back through what people signed was an excellent, hilarious experience. If you have old yearbooks somewhere, I'd highly recommend it. I thought I might share some.
Two disclaimers
1) I went to a science and tech high school. We were big nerds.
2) My nickname in high school was Chipee. I apparently both looked and sounded like a chipmunk.
3) We had a pool table in our senior lounge. I played. A lot.
-"You damn chipmunk, next matball game you'll feel my rage. I will make sure you have rubber marks on the side of your head so bad you'll have to get skin grafts. Have a nice summer :-) AND SLEEP LIGHTLY"
-"Yo JT Sorry, But I'm getting off the bus soon so I'll have to keep this short. You're pretty cool for a chipmunk. That's about it. CYA next year."
-"Yup, Chipee, if anyone can take the verbal abuse I gave, it was you. Sorry I said you were a squirrel. CYA next year."
-"Hello, I'm signing this for the second time, which is entirely pointless because I have nothing to say. Weeee!"
-"It's a moose. Get it?" (This was next to a picture of a moose that looked like...well...something else)
-"JT, Have a Tall summer."
-"Hey JT, you seemed to lose a lot of money this year. You've got a problem, and we can get you help. Never go to Vegas."
-"Hamlet beats Moses any day! It was a lot of fun working in the snack bar with you this year. Be careful with that sword next year."
"Botcher, First the OM Team and then Team Botch. What great team will we be on next? When the world gets you down, just remember you are a midget in love. Have fun being a nanny this summer. Fight the good fight."
"JT, econ and gov were great. Botch on!"
"JT, it's ya boy Omair hittin up yo yearbook with an entry. Beyond your insane pool talent, you were Rick James and I was Charlie Murphy. Darkness! Cicada! You've been gayed! Beyond that, you were a super cool guy with an infectious smile. Good luck at W&M next year. Oops, almost wrote UVA! Peace out, your darkness brother for life. PS Word! He's allllright!"
"JT! The man who rules the pool table. Have fun becoming a sports commentator! Watch hockey, football, soccer, and cricket, become world famous, and someday kids will be playing JT Football 2034 for Playstation 8! Have fun in life."
Good times. I encourage anyone with the ability to do the same.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
The Meatzza
Usually, when Blawegsome comes up unexpectedly, it's from one of my friends saying they stumbled across it on my facebook page. Recently, it has shown up on google searches. But the blog reached new levels of creepiness last night, when it infiltrated my dreams.
In my dream, I was at a party at a hotel, talking to a friend and my old rowing coach. My friend was describing how my last blog post was about something called "meatzza," which is apparently pizza with so many meat toppings that it ceases to be just pizza, and becomes meatzza.
I woke up 2/5 confused/weirded out and 3/5 greatly amused. A shout out to my brain, cause it managed to wad my favorite things into 1 for this dream.
1) I love multiple words condensed into one. Blog + Awesome = Blawegsome. SnugWow, Pizzly Bear, shockergasted have all made appearances, just to name a few, not to mention TrashBerg most recently. So my subconscious or wherever dreams come from gets mad props for coming up with meatzza.
2) I love piling multiple kinds of meat on my food. One of my proudest creations is the "coxswain burger" - a cheeseburger with 2 beef patties, turkey, ham, roast beef, and bacon. Transferring this concept onto a slice of pizza is only logical. Meatzza toppings will surely include pepperoni, ham, bacon, sausage, and chicken. Perhaps more.
3) My old rowing coach, RJ Montague himself, is one of the most interesting people I have encountered in my soon to be 23 years. Some people use "interesting" as a negative adjective, but that is certainly not the case here. RJM provided an unlimited supply of movie quotes, jokes, rowing inspiration, and social awkwardness that has yet to be matched or bested. A great coach and an even better guy to be around if you had the sense of humor to match. It's been far too long.
The dream has inspired me to create a meatzza. If anyone has any topping suggestions, leave a comment. I'll let you know how it turns out.
In my dream, I was at a party at a hotel, talking to a friend and my old rowing coach. My friend was describing how my last blog post was about something called "meatzza," which is apparently pizza with so many meat toppings that it ceases to be just pizza, and becomes meatzza.
I woke up 2/5 confused/weirded out and 3/5 greatly amused. A shout out to my brain, cause it managed to wad my favorite things into 1 for this dream.
1) I love multiple words condensed into one. Blog + Awesome = Blawegsome. SnugWow, Pizzly Bear, shockergasted have all made appearances, just to name a few, not to mention TrashBerg most recently. So my subconscious or wherever dreams come from gets mad props for coming up with meatzza.
2) I love piling multiple kinds of meat on my food. One of my proudest creations is the "coxswain burger" - a cheeseburger with 2 beef patties, turkey, ham, roast beef, and bacon. Transferring this concept onto a slice of pizza is only logical. Meatzza toppings will surely include pepperoni, ham, bacon, sausage, and chicken. Perhaps more.
3) My old rowing coach, RJ Montague himself, is one of the most interesting people I have encountered in my soon to be 23 years. Some people use "interesting" as a negative adjective, but that is certainly not the case here. RJM provided an unlimited supply of movie quotes, jokes, rowing inspiration, and social awkwardness that has yet to be matched or bested. A great coach and an even better guy to be around if you had the sense of humor to match. It's been far too long.
The dream has inspired me to create a meatzza. If anyone has any topping suggestions, leave a comment. I'll let you know how it turns out.
Friday, May 22, 2009
TrashBerg
Blawegsome is all about helping the people - informing you of threats to your well being. I recently posted a warning to society about the threats aliens pose. But is there a bigger threat out there? Something closer to home? Something already massive in size and growing by the day? Put on your hard hats, cause the answer to all of those is a resounding "YES"
I speak, of course, of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, or as I like to call it, TrashBerg. In the Pacific Ocean, ocean currents form the North pacific Gyre, basically a massive whirlpool. Over time, trash has accumulated in the gyre. And when I say trash, here is what I mean. The collection of trash bags, bottles, and other plastics has accumulated to be OVER TWICE THE SIZE OF TEXAS and 30 FEET DEEP. No joke. Ever wondered where your trash goes?
Q: Ok, big deal. How much bigger can it get?
A: Correct. Big deal. The gyre, the area where the pile is growing, is about twice the size of the continental United States. So yeah, it can get a lot bigger.
Q: Why should I care? It's just trash?
A: Glad you asked. Suppose I told you that right now a death-mongering monster is growing in the middle of the 30-foot deep, twice-the-size-of-Texas pile of trash. Is that a ridiculous statement. Perhaps. Can you prove me wrong? No. For more, see my upcoming screenplay, where a monster grows made of trash and the human race is destroyed by its own waste. Ironic? Yes. And awesome. and that's just the tip of the TrashBerg. Humans are wiped out, and the aliens show up to find no humans, only a giant flesh-eating monster and a entry ticket into an epic showdown. Aliens v. TrashBerg Monster. The title of the screenplay? "Wasted Planet" In theatres Summer 2012.
Q: Wait, isn't plastic recyclable? Can't we just recycle it?
A: Into what? TrashBerg Monster 2.0? Are you crazy!!??!
Q: You're monster theory is a little too Hollywood for me. How is this plastic really gonna affect me?
A: Fine, but don't come crying to me when TrashBerg Monster comes knocking on your door. Here's something you might be concerned with though. The plastic that's been there for a while disintegrates, and eventually becomes small enough for fish to ingest. Think it's fun for a fish to digest plastic? How about when that fish eats the plastic, gets caught, and ends up on your plate blackened with tartar sauce and hush puppies for 12.95? Enjoy chewing on that piece of TrashBerg my friend.
But seriously, watch out for the monster.
For some info on TrashBerg, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Pacific_Garbage_Patch and the related links.
I speak, of course, of the Great Pacific Garbage Patch, or as I like to call it, TrashBerg. In the Pacific Ocean, ocean currents form the North pacific Gyre, basically a massive whirlpool. Over time, trash has accumulated in the gyre. And when I say trash, here is what I mean. The collection of trash bags, bottles, and other plastics has accumulated to be OVER TWICE THE SIZE OF TEXAS and 30 FEET DEEP. No joke. Ever wondered where your trash goes?
Q: Ok, big deal. How much bigger can it get?
A: Correct. Big deal. The gyre, the area where the pile is growing, is about twice the size of the continental United States. So yeah, it can get a lot bigger.
Q: Why should I care? It's just trash?
A: Glad you asked. Suppose I told you that right now a death-mongering monster is growing in the middle of the 30-foot deep, twice-the-size-of-Texas pile of trash. Is that a ridiculous statement. Perhaps. Can you prove me wrong? No. For more, see my upcoming screenplay, where a monster grows made of trash and the human race is destroyed by its own waste. Ironic? Yes. And awesome. and that's just the tip of the TrashBerg. Humans are wiped out, and the aliens show up to find no humans, only a giant flesh-eating monster and a entry ticket into an epic showdown. Aliens v. TrashBerg Monster. The title of the screenplay? "Wasted Planet" In theatres Summer 2012.
Q: Wait, isn't plastic recyclable? Can't we just recycle it?
A: Into what? TrashBerg Monster 2.0? Are you crazy!!??!
Q: You're monster theory is a little too Hollywood for me. How is this plastic really gonna affect me?
A: Fine, but don't come crying to me when TrashBerg Monster comes knocking on your door. Here's something you might be concerned with though. The plastic that's been there for a while disintegrates, and eventually becomes small enough for fish to ingest. Think it's fun for a fish to digest plastic? How about when that fish eats the plastic, gets caught, and ends up on your plate blackened with tartar sauce and hush puppies for 12.95? Enjoy chewing on that piece of TrashBerg my friend.
But seriously, watch out for the monster.
For some info on TrashBerg, see http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Great_Pacific_Garbage_Patch and the related links.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Home Sweet Home
A word to the producers of Extreme Makeover: Home Edition - You should just tag along whenever I come back to my parents house. It seems like every time I come home now, there is some major renovation going on in my house. And while my parents cannot lay the stones in the shower themselves, saying they were uninvolved would be like saying Ross is a morning person, it is possible to understand every word Nick says, or Sheila is not awesome. Those things are just completely untrue.
This time, I found upon my arrival home that my parents bathroom and bedroom are being completely repainted, as is the pool. Those who know me best know I find joy in little things, and so I present...the joys of coming home:
-In choosing a color for their ceiling, my parents briefly considered "extra white." Which begs the question: What the hell is extra white? We are talking about the same white here, right? The combination of all colors in the visible spectrum? So how exactly can a color be "extra" white? If I am making cookie dough, and I make some with butter, sugar, flour, and eggs, and I decide to just put more of everything in again in the same proportions, I wont have more cookie dough flavor. I'll just have twice the cookie dough. I understand that there are a whole lot of paint colors out there (the walls of my room were colored "fortune cookie" before I wallpapered my room with sports pictures), but I just cannot get on board with this concept of a color that is "extra white" If I need to name something that is appears whiter than other white things, I call it Ryan.
-My father is not the most patient man in the world, and often works in profanity the way other artists work in oils or clay. When a large project is to be done, he will come up with how he wants things to happen, and you better be on the same page whether he explains the plan or not. Otherwise, it's welcome to 4-letter-word town. Population: 1. You. Everyone else was killed by the f-bomb that just got dropped because you flipped the mattress over the other way than he wanted to go. The pool is being opened. Yesterday, we took the cover off - quite an ordeal requiring a good deal of coordination. Perhaps even more so was folding it up today. But something was missing from the process - my father getting angry and swearing. Why? Has the old man changed in his ways? As a born and bred Indiana native this is doubtful. The solution, instead is quite simple - the presence of my girlfriend in these exhibitions. It's brilliant. All I have to do is make sure she is close by for as many "family projects" or "tasks" as possible, and the dad-censor will kick in. There will be less frustration, less swearing, and my day will be much less soul-crushing. It's a shame I didn't have a girlfriend that time I got a plastic Easter egg stuck in the furness or that time I put oil in the lawnmowers gasoline tank...
-One of the joys of coming home is getting mail that has been delivered for me. I received a letter from AT&T. The front said "An exclusive offer - just because of someone you know." The letter outlined an offer for a free phone if I switched to AT&T, and I was getting this offer because someone I know has AT&T. It is true, I do know some people who are on AT&T. Let's see...Ryan...Jill...Gregg...my mom....my sister...who am I forgetting?...oh yeah. ME. I am on AT&T. So thanks a lot, company that values my business. Maybe I can switch off of your network and then take advantage of this offer and switch back on. I wonder what would happen if I attempted to go through with this offer. I figure I could at least get to say "That's right...I'm already a member. You want any sauce with that six piece of Blau nuggets?" Sidebar: I have yet to say that phrase to an actual person. My cat just stared at me and licked herself, which was not exactly the reaction I was hoping for.
I do love coming home. Good luck to all my law friends writing this casenote. Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue...
This time, I found upon my arrival home that my parents bathroom and bedroom are being completely repainted, as is the pool. Those who know me best know I find joy in little things, and so I present...the joys of coming home:
-In choosing a color for their ceiling, my parents briefly considered "extra white." Which begs the question: What the hell is extra white? We are talking about the same white here, right? The combination of all colors in the visible spectrum? So how exactly can a color be "extra" white? If I am making cookie dough, and I make some with butter, sugar, flour, and eggs, and I decide to just put more of everything in again in the same proportions, I wont have more cookie dough flavor. I'll just have twice the cookie dough. I understand that there are a whole lot of paint colors out there (the walls of my room were colored "fortune cookie" before I wallpapered my room with sports pictures), but I just cannot get on board with this concept of a color that is "extra white" If I need to name something that is appears whiter than other white things, I call it Ryan.
-My father is not the most patient man in the world, and often works in profanity the way other artists work in oils or clay. When a large project is to be done, he will come up with how he wants things to happen, and you better be on the same page whether he explains the plan or not. Otherwise, it's welcome to 4-letter-word town. Population: 1. You. Everyone else was killed by the f-bomb that just got dropped because you flipped the mattress over the other way than he wanted to go. The pool is being opened. Yesterday, we took the cover off - quite an ordeal requiring a good deal of coordination. Perhaps even more so was folding it up today. But something was missing from the process - my father getting angry and swearing. Why? Has the old man changed in his ways? As a born and bred Indiana native this is doubtful. The solution, instead is quite simple - the presence of my girlfriend in these exhibitions. It's brilliant. All I have to do is make sure she is close by for as many "family projects" or "tasks" as possible, and the dad-censor will kick in. There will be less frustration, less swearing, and my day will be much less soul-crushing. It's a shame I didn't have a girlfriend that time I got a plastic Easter egg stuck in the furness or that time I put oil in the lawnmowers gasoline tank...
-One of the joys of coming home is getting mail that has been delivered for me. I received a letter from AT&T. The front said "An exclusive offer - just because of someone you know." The letter outlined an offer for a free phone if I switched to AT&T, and I was getting this offer because someone I know has AT&T. It is true, I do know some people who are on AT&T. Let's see...Ryan...Jill...Gregg...my mom....my sister...who am I forgetting?...oh yeah. ME. I am on AT&T. So thanks a lot, company that values my business. Maybe I can switch off of your network and then take advantage of this offer and switch back on. I wonder what would happen if I attempted to go through with this offer. I figure I could at least get to say "That's right...I'm already a member. You want any sauce with that six piece of Blau nuggets?" Sidebar: I have yet to say that phrase to an actual person. My cat just stared at me and licked herself, which was not exactly the reaction I was hoping for.
I do love coming home. Good luck to all my law friends writing this casenote. Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue...
Thursday, May 14, 2009
100!
This is my 100th post. That's a lot of posts. However, that number pales in comparison to the number of times I have awoken in the morning, checked my email, and been infuriated by the abomination that is SpiderBytes. My inbox is constantly flooded with information that is worthless to me. And if that wasn't enough, there's also the "in case you missed this spiderbyte..." emails sent out by faculty, and occasionally by my so-called friends in a clever rouse. Tim has really gone above and beyond in this regard, forwarding spiderbytes to my gmail account, which otherwise was a spiderbyte-free-zone, and even emailing me on a magical day when there was no spiderbytes to ask if I had received any. One day I will have my revenge, Mr. Boykin.
With the end of the school year, I was excited and saddened at the same time. But I gotta say one thing I was looking forward to was a summer free of SpiderBytes. After all, they wouldn't possibly send out a couple bits of information pertaining only to a handful of undergrads taking summer classes out to the entire UR community EVERY DAY could they? Well, a week in my fears have been realized. It appears SpiderBytes will keep coming every day this summer.
In this ongoing battle between me and my archenemy, SpiderBytes appears to have the upper hand...for now. I won't go down without a fight though. More on that later.
With the end of the school year, I was excited and saddened at the same time. But I gotta say one thing I was looking forward to was a summer free of SpiderBytes. After all, they wouldn't possibly send out a couple bits of information pertaining only to a handful of undergrads taking summer classes out to the entire UR community EVERY DAY could they? Well, a week in my fears have been realized. It appears SpiderBytes will keep coming every day this summer.
In this ongoing battle between me and my archenemy, SpiderBytes appears to have the upper hand...for now. I won't go down without a fight though. More on that later.
And we're back
Sincerest apologies for the long delay. Over the last two and a half weeks, I have (1) not had a computer and internet access, and (2) had finals. However, both those situations have now been rectified. And so we're back.
A lot to catch up on. But the first has gotta be the most recent SNL digital short, "Motherlover" Its an instant classic. If you haven't seen the link, here it is: http://www.hulu.com/watch/72434/saturday-night-live-motherlover
It stars my boy JT (Justin Timberlake) and Andy Samberg, the same guys who brought us Dick in a Box. The two have just gotten out of jail and both realize that they haven't gotten either of their mothers anything for mothers day. Well, the chorus says it all. There's some great one liners: "They'll have to rename this one All-up-under-the-covers Day" and "Imma be the syrup she can be my waffle" An instant classic, and has potentially inserted (pun intended) itself into my top 5 SNL digital short music videos. Anyway, if you haven't seen it yet, watch it, and laugh.
Next, a shout out to the makers of the new Star Trek movies. Summer is a great time for me because it means I go home and go to movies with Carolyn. Well I have no complaints kicking off my summer movie going festivities with that gem I saw tonight. It used enough from the franchise while not getting bogged down in trying to be a remake. The plotline was interesting, the action was excellent, and it moved quick enough to keep me interested.
Thats it for tonight, funny stuff to come tomorrow. Good to be back.
A lot to catch up on. But the first has gotta be the most recent SNL digital short, "Motherlover" Its an instant classic. If you haven't seen the link, here it is: http://www.hulu.com/watch/72434/saturday-night-live-motherlover
It stars my boy JT (Justin Timberlake) and Andy Samberg, the same guys who brought us Dick in a Box. The two have just gotten out of jail and both realize that they haven't gotten either of their mothers anything for mothers day. Well, the chorus says it all. There's some great one liners: "They'll have to rename this one All-up-under-the-covers Day" and "Imma be the syrup she can be my waffle" An instant classic, and has potentially inserted (pun intended) itself into my top 5 SNL digital short music videos. Anyway, if you haven't seen it yet, watch it, and laugh.
Next, a shout out to the makers of the new Star Trek movies. Summer is a great time for me because it means I go home and go to movies with Carolyn. Well I have no complaints kicking off my summer movie going festivities with that gem I saw tonight. It used enough from the franchise while not getting bogged down in trying to be a remake. The plotline was interesting, the action was excellent, and it moved quick enough to keep me interested.
Thats it for tonight, funny stuff to come tomorrow. Good to be back.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Cliches and the week that was
I despise cliches. Sometimes I go out of my way to avoid them or do the opposite. I don't pay it forward, I get money backwards. But there is one particular cliche that has me in a brutal showdown with the universe this week. "Trouble comes in threes." Allow me to explain.
On Monday, while enjoying a friendly game of basketball, I stepped into the lane to defend a drive. My nose was met with a large elbow (accidental) and began bleeding profusely. A precautionary trip to the doctor showed nothing too serious, but the game ended and a night of studying went by the wayside.
On Thursday, the day before my ConLaw final, I woke up and attempted to turn on my computer. It made an extremely loud and obnoxious beeping sound for about a minute, then took me to a blank screen. I rebooted and tried again, with the same result. I got on the phone and called HP. They said they could fix it, but I would have to send it in. I was left with my 5-year old, loud, slow, dinosaur of a "laptop" that cannot connect to the Internet. I had to go the Best Buy, buy something that could pull data off my hard drive, load that onto my external hard drive, load some of those files onto my old laptop, then take the old laptop to my carrel and try to install the new printer software on it. While I guess it all worked out, a solid 6 hours of the day were lost.
Trouble comes in threes, so there is one more bad thing coming (that's if you don't count my conlaw exam...eeeee....). The universe has been firing for sure. On Saturday, I narrowly escaped getting hit by a car while crossing the street. Some guy decided to peel out into the middle of the street while I was crossing. I did what I'm sure was an amusing run/hop to avoid him by about 6 inches. Avoided. I got an email today that some tax forms for a job didn't go through because of a "processing error" and I have to do them again. Not serious enough to be the third thing. You're gonna have to do better than that, big guy.
No doubt amused by all of this is my friend Kimi. During undergrad, good/lucky things happened to me a lot. More than they should have. Kimi was always flabbergasted at how I could be so lucky, and the jerk that I am I made sure to let her know every time something happened. So Kimi I am sure you are laughing now, and you know what that's alright. I would say "what goes around comes around," but that is a cliche, and so I am against it. I'll borrow a phrase from Rasheed: Ball don't lie.
That's all for now. Perhaps more to come later. Three finals this week, so no promises. Good luck to all my TC-Dub friends with law finals, and to all my WM friends with regular finals.
Universe: Bring it on.
On Monday, while enjoying a friendly game of basketball, I stepped into the lane to defend a drive. My nose was met with a large elbow (accidental) and began bleeding profusely. A precautionary trip to the doctor showed nothing too serious, but the game ended and a night of studying went by the wayside.
On Thursday, the day before my ConLaw final, I woke up and attempted to turn on my computer. It made an extremely loud and obnoxious beeping sound for about a minute, then took me to a blank screen. I rebooted and tried again, with the same result. I got on the phone and called HP. They said they could fix it, but I would have to send it in. I was left with my 5-year old, loud, slow, dinosaur of a "laptop" that cannot connect to the Internet. I had to go the Best Buy, buy something that could pull data off my hard drive, load that onto my external hard drive, load some of those files onto my old laptop, then take the old laptop to my carrel and try to install the new printer software on it. While I guess it all worked out, a solid 6 hours of the day were lost.
Trouble comes in threes, so there is one more bad thing coming (that's if you don't count my conlaw exam...eeeee....). The universe has been firing for sure. On Saturday, I narrowly escaped getting hit by a car while crossing the street. Some guy decided to peel out into the middle of the street while I was crossing. I did what I'm sure was an amusing run/hop to avoid him by about 6 inches. Avoided. I got an email today that some tax forms for a job didn't go through because of a "processing error" and I have to do them again. Not serious enough to be the third thing. You're gonna have to do better than that, big guy.
No doubt amused by all of this is my friend Kimi. During undergrad, good/lucky things happened to me a lot. More than they should have. Kimi was always flabbergasted at how I could be so lucky, and the jerk that I am I made sure to let her know every time something happened. So Kimi I am sure you are laughing now, and you know what that's alright. I would say "what goes around comes around," but that is a cliche, and so I am against it. I'll borrow a phrase from Rasheed: Ball don't lie.
That's all for now. Perhaps more to come later. Three finals this week, so no promises. Good luck to all my TC-Dub friends with law finals, and to all my WM friends with regular finals.
Universe: Bring it on.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Lack of posting
A note to all: On Thursday my computer died. It will not turn on, and is being sent back to HP. As a result, I have no internet, so don't expect a lot of new posts for the next two weeks or so. I'll do my best, but no promises.
Much love,
Tizzle
Much love,
Tizzle
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Internet is Down Email? Really?
Today I was sitting in my carrel when I noticed the Internet was no longer working. If you use outlook, you know "all folders are up to date" changes to "this folder was last updated at..." About 45 minutes later the Internet was working again. I then received an email, sent some time ago that informed me the Internet was out. About an hour later, I got another email telling me the Internet was back up.
I gotta question this system. When the Internet is down, what is the purpose of sending an email that says that? By the time anyone gets it, the Internet will be back up. People who will get it right away are off campus, and thus not using the campus Internet. Also, I don't need an email that says the Internet is back up. That was accomplished by my receiving the first email. It's about as useful as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
Here's what I propose. When the Internet goes down, send an email that says "The Internet has been restored. Sorry about that." People will get it when the Internet comes back on. People off campus will be like "Oh. I guess the Internet over there was down. Sucks for them." No one is harmed by this scenario.
Shout out to everyone who came out to ball tonight. Good times and some much needed time outside.
I gotta question this system. When the Internet is down, what is the purpose of sending an email that says that? By the time anyone gets it, the Internet will be back up. People who will get it right away are off campus, and thus not using the campus Internet. Also, I don't need an email that says the Internet is back up. That was accomplished by my receiving the first email. It's about as useful as a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest.
Here's what I propose. When the Internet goes down, send an email that says "The Internet has been restored. Sorry about that." People will get it when the Internet comes back on. People off campus will be like "Oh. I guess the Internet over there was down. Sucks for them." No one is harmed by this scenario.
Shout out to everyone who came out to ball tonight. Good times and some much needed time outside.
Friday, April 24, 2009
The Punisher's Survival Guide
I came across a recent publication written by someone we all know and love - The Punisher. The Punisher is a man of the people, always looking to help out a friend in need. And so despite his busy finals schedule, he recently developed "The Punisher's Survival Handbook: How To Get Out Of Sticky Situations Like A BAMF." It offers step by step instructions for various situations. Follow them, and you will not only escape from your predicament, but maintain maximum awesome points in doing so.
Here's a few excerpts from The Punisher's Survival Handbook
Scenario: You are lost in the woods, on the brink of starvation
The Punisher says
1. Find an animal
2. Kill it and eat it
3. Keep walking until you get out of the woods
Scenario: You are underwater, in danger of drowning
The Punisher says:
1. Swim Up
Scenario: You break a leg on top of a mountain
The Punisher says:
1. Cut off the bad leg
2. Grow a new leg
3. Walk down the mountain.
Scenario: You are thrown out of a plane at 20,000 feet
The Punisher says:
1. Keep falling
2. Land
3. Walk it off
Scenario: You owe a mob boss $100,000. Someone shows you a case with $100,000 cash and a gallon of milk and says "If you drink this, I will give you this money." You are lactose intolerant.
The Punisher says:
1. Roundhouse kick that person
2. Take the money
3. Pay your debt
Scenario: You are choking. Someone will only give you the Heimlich if you aint trickin.
The Punisher says:
1. Get it.
2. Receive the Heimlich, cause it aint trickin if you got it.
Scenario: You are charged with murder and convicted based primarily on circumstantial evidence. You are sentenced to two life sentences in prison.
The Punisher says:
1. Befriend the prison's main suppler
2. Ask for a rock hammer and a poster
3. Assist the warden in tax fraud, wiring money to a straw man on the outside
4. Dig a tunnel out of your jail cell, covering the hole with posters
5. Sprinkle the dug out concrete around the jail yard
6. Crawl out and through the pipes to freedom
7. Assume the identity of the straw man you created and escape town with all the money.
The full guide offers many more situations, and detailed step-by-step solutions.
Critics are raving about The Punisher's Guide:
"It's everything I ever wanted in a book, and more! I'm so happy!" -Ms. Huer, USATODAY
"I can't complain about this book, and I can usually complain about pretty much anything." -E.D. Bender, Half Empty Glasses Magazine
"Have you seen pictures of my puppy?" -Ms. Malizio, The Washington Post
"I give it 5 stars. You can only get 7. Only time you can get 7 is if I slept with you. So 5 is excellent!" -50 Cent
"I was disappointed, I was hoping for something about how to make it to more flag football games on time, but was left out to dry." -Mr. Woodson, Author of "Where is Orlando?"
"Gucci!" -Mr. Haywood, UNC Alum
"Hey-ooooooooooooo! PAC FRAT Number 1! Go Spiders! Jello! WOOOOO!" -Someone sprinting by strongly resembling Mr. Boykin
"It even had something for what to do if you have to walk through a door and you will die if you duck. I was impressed." -Mr. Hoyle, Tall Man's Magazine
"Sorry, could you repeat the question? I couldn't hear you over my squeaking shoes..." -Mr. Shannon, a firm believer that the Mets will not choke this year...like they did last year...and the year before that...
So get out there and pick up your copy today!
Here's a few excerpts from The Punisher's Survival Handbook
Scenario: You are lost in the woods, on the brink of starvation
The Punisher says
1. Find an animal
2. Kill it and eat it
3. Keep walking until you get out of the woods
Scenario: You are underwater, in danger of drowning
The Punisher says:
1. Swim Up
Scenario: You break a leg on top of a mountain
The Punisher says:
1. Cut off the bad leg
2. Grow a new leg
3. Walk down the mountain.
Scenario: You are thrown out of a plane at 20,000 feet
The Punisher says:
1. Keep falling
2. Land
3. Walk it off
Scenario: You owe a mob boss $100,000. Someone shows you a case with $100,000 cash and a gallon of milk and says "If you drink this, I will give you this money." You are lactose intolerant.
The Punisher says:
1. Roundhouse kick that person
2. Take the money
3. Pay your debt
Scenario: You are choking. Someone will only give you the Heimlich if you aint trickin.
The Punisher says:
1. Get it.
2. Receive the Heimlich, cause it aint trickin if you got it.
Scenario: You are charged with murder and convicted based primarily on circumstantial evidence. You are sentenced to two life sentences in prison.
The Punisher says:
1. Befriend the prison's main suppler
2. Ask for a rock hammer and a poster
3. Assist the warden in tax fraud, wiring money to a straw man on the outside
4. Dig a tunnel out of your jail cell, covering the hole with posters
5. Sprinkle the dug out concrete around the jail yard
6. Crawl out and through the pipes to freedom
7. Assume the identity of the straw man you created and escape town with all the money.
The full guide offers many more situations, and detailed step-by-step solutions.
Critics are raving about The Punisher's Guide:
"It's everything I ever wanted in a book, and more! I'm so happy!" -Ms. Huer, USATODAY
"I can't complain about this book, and I can usually complain about pretty much anything." -E.D. Bender, Half Empty Glasses Magazine
"Have you seen pictures of my puppy?" -Ms. Malizio, The Washington Post
"I give it 5 stars. You can only get 7. Only time you can get 7 is if I slept with you. So 5 is excellent!" -50 Cent
"I was disappointed, I was hoping for something about how to make it to more flag football games on time, but was left out to dry." -Mr. Woodson, Author of "Where is Orlando?"
"Gucci!" -Mr. Haywood, UNC Alum
"Hey-ooooooooooooo! PAC FRAT Number 1! Go Spiders! Jello! WOOOOO!" -Someone sprinting by strongly resembling Mr. Boykin
"It even had something for what to do if you have to walk through a door and you will die if you duck. I was impressed." -Mr. Hoyle, Tall Man's Magazine
"Sorry, could you repeat the question? I couldn't hear you over my squeaking shoes..." -Mr. Shannon, a firm believer that the Mets will not choke this year...like they did last year...and the year before that...
So get out there and pick up your copy today!
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Spider Snuggies?
Athena sent me this story today about a forthcoming development for Snuggies. http://www.cnbc.com/id/30350785?__source=RSS*blog*&par=RSS.
Snuggies will now be available with college logos on them. Because nothing says school spirit like keeping your hands free while wearing a soft warm blanket. In the Snuggie commercial, they show parents out in the stands cheering for their child wearing the Snuggie, so I think that is the idea here. Personally, I think it's a great idea. They're sales should increase a lot. But I have to say my enthusiasm can only go so far.
According to the article, they will be made only for "big sports schools like Michigan, North Carolina, and Texas" Sadly, I can't foresee William and Mary or Richmond being included in such a group.
Some time ago, I would have simply accepted this as the way it has to be and moved on. But I have to say strange things have been happening. Professor Berryhill let us out 40 minutes early from class, instead of his usual practice of keeping us at least 5 minutes over. Ryan "White Lightning" Shannon chased down a runner in a recent softball game. There's no rational explanation of how these things are happening. They just are. Times are changing, and this is America, where we complain and complain until something happens, and if it doesn't we eat a Big Mac. And so while in the past I may have chosen to sit back and be jealous of others with logo'd Snuggies, I say it's time to put democracy into action!
I have contacted All-Star Marketing, the marketers of the Snuggie, and laid out a case for why they should make a Richmond Spiders Snuggie, and implored them to do so. I expect to hear back soon with their answer. More details to come later when I hear back from them (hopefully tomorrow). Stay tuned.
Snuggies will now be available with college logos on them. Because nothing says school spirit like keeping your hands free while wearing a soft warm blanket. In the Snuggie commercial, they show parents out in the stands cheering for their child wearing the Snuggie, so I think that is the idea here. Personally, I think it's a great idea. They're sales should increase a lot. But I have to say my enthusiasm can only go so far.
According to the article, they will be made only for "big sports schools like Michigan, North Carolina, and Texas" Sadly, I can't foresee William and Mary or Richmond being included in such a group.
Some time ago, I would have simply accepted this as the way it has to be and moved on. But I have to say strange things have been happening. Professor Berryhill let us out 40 minutes early from class, instead of his usual practice of keeping us at least 5 minutes over. Ryan "White Lightning" Shannon chased down a runner in a recent softball game. There's no rational explanation of how these things are happening. They just are. Times are changing, and this is America, where we complain and complain until something happens, and if it doesn't we eat a Big Mac. And so while in the past I may have chosen to sit back and be jealous of others with logo'd Snuggies, I say it's time to put democracy into action!
I have contacted All-Star Marketing, the marketers of the Snuggie, and laid out a case for why they should make a Richmond Spiders Snuggie, and implored them to do so. I expect to hear back soon with their answer. More details to come later when I hear back from them (hopefully tomorrow). Stay tuned.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Aliens
I am a big fan of conspiracy theories. So when I saw this doozy on CNN today, I was happier than Barney playing laser tag. (Sidenote: Don't be a hero, Scherbatsky! continues to be one of my favorite lines of the series) The link: http://www.cnn.com/2009/TECH/04/20/ufo.conference/index.html?iref=mpstoryview
Apparently a former astronaut has come out and said that there is life out there besides humans. He has been hushed by the US and other governments but did not want to die with this secret. He says "there is really no doubt we are being visited." This guy grew up in Roswell, New Mexico. While most might say that probably hurts his credibility, I'm gonna say it helps it. If I'm gonna listen to someone who says the government is hushing people up, I want it to be someone who has been hushed up their whole life.
This is awesome. I can think of nothing cooler than running into an alien. but I probably shouldn't get my hopes up. I mean, if aliens are going to make contact, they'll probably go to the leaders to do it, right? WRONG! A woman in England met an alien whilst walking her dog. She encountered a man with a "Scandinavian-type accent" who was wearing "flying suit style outfit." She apparently spoke with him for 10 minutes before running home, then seeing a large glowing object rise vertically near some trees.
Personally, I am convinced. The aliens need to come to our planet to gather intelligence, but they don't want to lose the element of surprise. So put yourself in their shoes (if they even wear shoes) - do you go to high ranking officials? No, you go to people who could easily fit the characterization "crazy lady." It maintains the skepticism of the masses while slowly recruiting supporters. That's right, recruiting. When they come to take over, you think that crazy lady is going to side with the government who tried to hush her up and the people who thought she was delusional? I'm thinkin no.
The British government just released archives of over 1,200 reports between 1987 and 1993. That's 1 country. 6 years. Over 1,200 potential recruits. If you think these space-homies don't know EXACTLY what they are doing, you've got another thing comin. As for me, I await my personal encounter, so I can be the first to fist-bump an extra-terrestrial. Assuming they have hands.
The link on the dog-walker: http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/03/22/uk.ufo.sightings/index.html
Apparently a former astronaut has come out and said that there is life out there besides humans. He has been hushed by the US and other governments but did not want to die with this secret. He says "there is really no doubt we are being visited." This guy grew up in Roswell, New Mexico. While most might say that probably hurts his credibility, I'm gonna say it helps it. If I'm gonna listen to someone who says the government is hushing people up, I want it to be someone who has been hushed up their whole life.
This is awesome. I can think of nothing cooler than running into an alien. but I probably shouldn't get my hopes up. I mean, if aliens are going to make contact, they'll probably go to the leaders to do it, right? WRONG! A woman in England met an alien whilst walking her dog. She encountered a man with a "Scandinavian-type accent" who was wearing "flying suit style outfit." She apparently spoke with him for 10 minutes before running home, then seeing a large glowing object rise vertically near some trees.
Personally, I am convinced. The aliens need to come to our planet to gather intelligence, but they don't want to lose the element of surprise. So put yourself in their shoes (if they even wear shoes) - do you go to high ranking officials? No, you go to people who could easily fit the characterization "crazy lady." It maintains the skepticism of the masses while slowly recruiting supporters. That's right, recruiting. When they come to take over, you think that crazy lady is going to side with the government who tried to hush her up and the people who thought she was delusional? I'm thinkin no.
The British government just released archives of over 1,200 reports between 1987 and 1993. That's 1 country. 6 years. Over 1,200 potential recruits. If you think these space-homies don't know EXACTLY what they are doing, you've got another thing comin. As for me, I await my personal encounter, so I can be the first to fist-bump an extra-terrestrial. Assuming they have hands.
The link on the dog-walker: http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/europe/03/22/uk.ufo.sightings/index.html
WIDWIW
Fans of the blog know I give shout outs. I believe credit should be given where it is due. But sometimes people need to be taken down a couple notches. And so I present another segment of "Whatever, I Do What I Want."
Tonight's Whatever I Do What I Want Award goes to the NBA ant TNT higher-ups who put together the NBA schedule. When teams don't travel, there is absolutely no reason to give 2 FULL NIGHTS off between games. If Cleveland hosts Detroit on Saturday afternoon, and the next game is in Detroit, why is not until Tuesday night? Ok, TNT, I get that "40 games in 27 nights" is not quite as catchy as "40 games in 40 nights" but no one wants the NBA season to go til the end of June. But apparently slogans are more important. And so with the beginning of the playoffs, I look forward to the last two months of the NBA season.
Tonight's Whatever I Do What I Want Award goes to the NBA ant TNT higher-ups who put together the NBA schedule. When teams don't travel, there is absolutely no reason to give 2 FULL NIGHTS off between games. If Cleveland hosts Detroit on Saturday afternoon, and the next game is in Detroit, why is not until Tuesday night? Ok, TNT, I get that "40 games in 27 nights" is not quite as catchy as "40 games in 40 nights" but no one wants the NBA season to go til the end of June. But apparently slogans are more important. And so with the beginning of the playoffs, I look forward to the last two months of the NBA season.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Shout outs and such
Thunderstorms rollin through. CJ, now would be a good time to run any errands or get anything from your car.
Anyone here at TC-Dub should come out to watch the flag football championships on Friday night. Let's be honest, the free food and beer and wine should be enough to get you out. Our team is in the game, and it should be awesome. The all-star lineup includes
Ryan "White Lightning" Shannon
Jesse "No-Spin Zone" Roche
Orlando "Where is Orlando?" Woodson
Tim "Defensive Intensity" Boykin
Nick "Gay? Fine By Me" Braswell
Alex "Thank God I Don't Have to Slide in this Sport" Racketa
JT "Short...Yardage" Blau
Should be a good time no doubt.
A few shout outs
A shout out to whoever it was who posted the youtube video about the SnugWow in the comments of the last post. Excellent find.
Another shout out to Hornbook for her new facebook group, "How to know if you're a part of the T.C. Williams Class of '11." Hilarious. If you haven't joined yet, you should do so.
A third goes to Richard, for making me laugh for a solid 3 minutes straight at dinner tonight.
More to come tonight.
Anyone here at TC-Dub should come out to watch the flag football championships on Friday night. Let's be honest, the free food and beer and wine should be enough to get you out. Our team is in the game, and it should be awesome. The all-star lineup includes
Ryan "White Lightning" Shannon
Jesse "No-Spin Zone" Roche
Orlando "Where is Orlando?" Woodson
Tim "Defensive Intensity" Boykin
Nick "Gay? Fine By Me" Braswell
Alex "Thank God I Don't Have to Slide in this Sport" Racketa
JT "Short...Yardage" Blau
Should be a good time no doubt.
A few shout outs
A shout out to whoever it was who posted the youtube video about the SnugWow in the comments of the last post. Excellent find.
Another shout out to Hornbook for her new facebook group, "How to know if you're a part of the T.C. Williams Class of '11." Hilarious. If you haven't joined yet, you should do so.
A third goes to Richard, for making me laugh for a solid 3 minutes straight at dinner tonight.
More to come tonight.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
The SnugWow
Sometimes wishes come true. Sometimes they do not. I wish I could take credit for this next idea, because it is AMAZING. But I cannot rightfully do so. In a related story, Cate is a genius.
For a while now I have been pushing for the Snuggie and the ShamWow to be marketed together. Both products are amazing and people should have them both. But Cate rocked my world last night with something even better. The SnugWow. Why have both when you can combine the two? A Snuggie made with ShamWows. It's perfect. My Snuggie is amazing, but it cannot clean spills instantly and hold ten times its weight in liquid. My ShamWow blitzes through spills like Brian Urlacher versus an offensive line of bunny rabbits, but alas it cannot keep me warm and comfortable while allowing my hands to not be trapped inside. A product that could do BOTH??!?!?! It better come with an attorney to write my will, so I can die a happy man.
The idea was brought up at a party last night, to which I wore my Snuggie. I wanted to do a little test for the forthcoming Snuggie Bar Crawl. It is a bit long to wear standing up, and I would like it to close around the back. Those should be pretty easy alterations to make. I'm pretty excited. The SnugWow would be especially good for such social events with drinks involved.
For a while now I have been pushing for the Snuggie and the ShamWow to be marketed together. Both products are amazing and people should have them both. But Cate rocked my world last night with something even better. The SnugWow. Why have both when you can combine the two? A Snuggie made with ShamWows. It's perfect. My Snuggie is amazing, but it cannot clean spills instantly and hold ten times its weight in liquid. My ShamWow blitzes through spills like Brian Urlacher versus an offensive line of bunny rabbits, but alas it cannot keep me warm and comfortable while allowing my hands to not be trapped inside. A product that could do BOTH??!?!?! It better come with an attorney to write my will, so I can die a happy man.
The idea was brought up at a party last night, to which I wore my Snuggie. I wanted to do a little test for the forthcoming Snuggie Bar Crawl. It is a bit long to wear standing up, and I would like it to close around the back. Those should be pretty easy alterations to make. I'm pretty excited. The SnugWow would be especially good for such social events with drinks involved.
Friday, April 17, 2009
COLBERT
Today's shout out goes to Stephen Colbert. This requires a little bit of backstory. In early March, NASA announced that they would let the public name their new space node (basically a new room for the international space station). They set up the voting so people could pick one of 4 suggested names like Serenity or Tranquility, or suggest their own. When Colbert found out about the contest, he went on his show and asked all his followers to vote "Colbert" for the name of the node.
For those who don't know, the Colbert Nation is a force to be reckoned with. Within hours, it was the number 1 other suggestion. When voting ended on March 20th, Colbert led all names with over 230,000 votes. Second place was one of NASA's names with 190,000. A whoopin to say the least. But NASA still reserved the right to name it whatever they wanted.
The wait began. Congressman and celebrities gave their opinions. The final decision was announced on Tuesday night on The Colbert Report. NASA has decided to name the node "Tranquility." It was also announced that the new space-treadmill going up to be in the node will be called the Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill, or the COLBERT. This is the patch for the COLBERT. As far as I know, this is official, NASA certified, not a joke.
The Shout Out goes to Colbert for his not being mad and embracing the naming of the treadmill. It was clearly a consolation prize by NASA, but you couldn't tell from Colbert's reaction. As part of the Nation, I'm proud of what we did, but Stephen deserves credit for putting on a good face and happily accepting the treadmill.
For those who don't know, the Colbert Nation is a force to be reckoned with. Within hours, it was the number 1 other suggestion. When voting ended on March 20th, Colbert led all names with over 230,000 votes. Second place was one of NASA's names with 190,000. A whoopin to say the least. But NASA still reserved the right to name it whatever they wanted.
The wait began. Congressman and celebrities gave their opinions. The final decision was announced on Tuesday night on The Colbert Report. NASA has decided to name the node "Tranquility." It was also announced that the new space-treadmill going up to be in the node will be called the Combined Operational Load Bearing External Resistance Treadmill, or the COLBERT. This is the patch for the COLBERT. As far as I know, this is official, NASA certified, not a joke.
The Shout Out goes to Colbert for his not being mad and embracing the naming of the treadmill. It was clearly a consolation prize by NASA, but you couldn't tell from Colbert's reaction. As part of the Nation, I'm proud of what we did, but Stephen deserves credit for putting on a good face and happily accepting the treadmill.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Save the Whales...And Money
For tonight's money saving tip, I'll relate the story of my coffee maker. A few of you may have heard this one. I assure you all details are accurate.
Over the summer, while I was in Williamsburg, I received some "junk mail." In said mail was an ad for a subscription coffee service called Gevalia. Gevalia produces high quality gourmet coffee. They send 2 pounds of coffee to a subscriber every month in exchange for a monthly payment of roughly $33. The initial offer, however was for one pound of coffee plus a $99 coffee maker for 14.95. If for any reason you didn't like the coffee, you could cancel any future subscription and keep the coffee AND the coffee maker.
I decided this was a pretty sweet offer. I went online and placed an order. A couple weeks later, my coffee and coffee maker arrived safely. I picked up the phone, called Gevalia, and canceled my subscription. I figured I had just got a pound of good coffee and a sweet coffee maker for $14.95. But the story continues...
A month later I log onto my bank account website and find a $33 dollar charge from Gevalia. Confused, I call their customer service people. I tell a woman there that I have already cancelled my subscription and shouldn't be getting charged. She pulls up my account and says for some reason, the cancellation did not go through. She tells me the $33 charge will be refunded, so I won't have to pay that. Then, she tells me another shipment of coffee is in transit, but don't bother returning it.
Sure enough, the next day two more pounds of coffee arrive at my door, and I get a $33 credit to my account from Gevalia. Unfortunately for me, they got it right the second time.
The final count:
3 pounds of gourmet coffee
1 $99 coffee maker
Amount paid: $14.95
This has been a Tizzle Tip for the Economy
Over the summer, while I was in Williamsburg, I received some "junk mail." In said mail was an ad for a subscription coffee service called Gevalia. Gevalia produces high quality gourmet coffee. They send 2 pounds of coffee to a subscriber every month in exchange for a monthly payment of roughly $33. The initial offer, however was for one pound of coffee plus a $99 coffee maker for 14.95. If for any reason you didn't like the coffee, you could cancel any future subscription and keep the coffee AND the coffee maker.
I decided this was a pretty sweet offer. I went online and placed an order. A couple weeks later, my coffee and coffee maker arrived safely. I picked up the phone, called Gevalia, and canceled my subscription. I figured I had just got a pound of good coffee and a sweet coffee maker for $14.95. But the story continues...
A month later I log onto my bank account website and find a $33 dollar charge from Gevalia. Confused, I call their customer service people. I tell a woman there that I have already cancelled my subscription and shouldn't be getting charged. She pulls up my account and says for some reason, the cancellation did not go through. She tells me the $33 charge will be refunded, so I won't have to pay that. Then, she tells me another shipment of coffee is in transit, but don't bother returning it.
Sure enough, the next day two more pounds of coffee arrive at my door, and I get a $33 credit to my account from Gevalia. Unfortunately for me, they got it right the second time.
The final count:
3 pounds of gourmet coffee
1 $99 coffee maker
Amount paid: $14.95
This has been a Tizzle Tip for the Economy
Monday, April 13, 2009
Shout out
A shout out to Dimitri Martin, for his excellent handling of a woman who was talking way too much. Here's how it went down
Woman: "(long story...) my boyfriend just bought skydiving lessons."
Dimitri: "Really?"
Woman: "Yeah!"
Dimitri: "What's your name?"
Woman: "Catherine"
Dimitri: "Oh, is that with a C or a K or a S-H-U-T-U-P?"
Crowd: laughter and applause
It was excellent. And a great show overall.
Woman: "(long story...) my boyfriend just bought skydiving lessons."
Dimitri: "Really?"
Woman: "Yeah!"
Dimitri: "What's your name?"
Woman: "Catherine"
Dimitri: "Oh, is that with a C or a K or a S-H-U-T-U-P?"
Crowd: laughter and applause
It was excellent. And a great show overall.
Celebrity Products
Celebrity endorsements are everywhere. Some are amusing and successful (George Foreman Grills). Others are annoying (if I see one more commercial about Chris Paul's pits...). The fact is having a famous person endorse your product will send sales through the roof. The great part about celebrities is that they also get known for catchphrases. There's a whole market out there waiting to be tapped into. And so another list is born: My future/should be celebrity-endorsed products
-50 Cent's Workout Video: "Get Skinny or Die Tryin'"*
-Ludacris' Leftover-saving Tupperware: "Tonight Damn Right I Might Eat It Again!"
-Allen Iverson's Bar Review Course: "Not a Game...We Talkin' About Practice: A New Lawyer's Guide to Preparing to Practice."
-Rasheed Wallace's Pregnancy Test: "Balls Don't Lie."
-Jeff Probst's Learn-a-language software: "The Tribe Has Spoken: Now Understand Them."
-Professor Berryhill's Beginner's Cookbook: "Is a Pig's Butt Pork?"
-Donald Trump's Hypnosis Tapes: "You're Tired"
I'll try to think of some more good ones. If you've got one, leave a comment!
*just for the record, I don't buy into those ever being two choices a person should have
-50 Cent's Workout Video: "Get Skinny or Die Tryin'"*
-Ludacris' Leftover-saving Tupperware: "Tonight Damn Right I Might Eat It Again!"
-Allen Iverson's Bar Review Course: "Not a Game...We Talkin' About Practice: A New Lawyer's Guide to Preparing to Practice."
-Rasheed Wallace's Pregnancy Test: "Balls Don't Lie."
-Jeff Probst's Learn-a-language software: "The Tribe Has Spoken: Now Understand Them."
-Professor Berryhill's Beginner's Cookbook: "Is a Pig's Butt Pork?"
-Donald Trump's Hypnosis Tapes: "You're Tired"
I'll try to think of some more good ones. If you've got one, leave a comment!
*just for the record, I don't buy into those ever being two choices a person should have
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Snuggie vs Girlfriend
Preface: I love my girlfriend. She is awesome, and assured me she wouldn't get mad about this post. She even came up with some of them.
I present my top 15 Reasons why my Snuggie is Better Than my Girlfriend
1. My Snuggie accepts me for who I am.
2. My Snuggie doesn't steal the covers, she is the covers.
3. My Snuggie never gives me the cold shoulder, she always keeps me warm.
4. My Snuggie lets me watch Sportscenter without complaining.
5. I don't have to take my Snuggie out to dinner (but I could...).
6. My Snuggie always hugs me, no matter what I say.
7. My Snuggie does what I tell it to.
8. I don't have to call my Snuggie every night.
9. I don't have to tell my Snuggie I love her, she knows without question.
10. My Snuggie never says "fine" when she actually means "no."
11. My Snuggie never asks a question when she is looking for a specific answer.
12. My Snuggie wouldn't get mad if I used another blanket.
13. My Snuggie was made in China.
14. My Snuggie came with a Free reading light.
15. My Snuggie doesn't hate the fact that I own a Snuggie.
I present my top 15 Reasons why my Snuggie is Better Than my Girlfriend
1. My Snuggie accepts me for who I am.
2. My Snuggie doesn't steal the covers, she is the covers.
3. My Snuggie never gives me the cold shoulder, she always keeps me warm.
4. My Snuggie lets me watch Sportscenter without complaining.
5. I don't have to take my Snuggie out to dinner (but I could...).
6. My Snuggie always hugs me, no matter what I say.
7. My Snuggie does what I tell it to.
8. I don't have to call my Snuggie every night.
9. I don't have to tell my Snuggie I love her, she knows without question.
10. My Snuggie never says "fine" when she actually means "no."
11. My Snuggie never asks a question when she is looking for a specific answer.
12. My Snuggie wouldn't get mad if I used another blanket.
13. My Snuggie was made in China.
14. My Snuggie came with a Free reading light.
15. My Snuggie doesn't hate the fact that I own a Snuggie.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Whatever, I Do What I Want Double
It's time for another edition of "Whatever, I Do What I Want!" Tonight is actually a double edition.
The first "Whatever, I Do What I Want" award goes to professional athletes who drink and drive. Really? You make millions of dollars a year and you can't afford to take a cab? or have someone drive you? If I were capable of hate, I could despise someone an awful lot, but if they said "drive me home and I'll give you $250," I'd be behind that wheel like a 15 year old with errands to run. You KNOW you are gonna be in the news if you get caught. And suspensions are gonna cost you a heck of a lot more than a cab ride that's for sure. It amazes me how much this happens and continues to happen.
Which brings me to my second "Whatever, I Do What I Want" award. It goes to my beloved franchise, the Cincinnati Bengals. As a bengals fan I've gone through more than my fair share of dark days in recent years. The Carson Palmer injuries, the Chad Johnson drama, the complete and utter lack of defense, and so on and so on. But I gotta say these guys have to some of the dumbest out there with the trouble they get into off the field. In 2006, nine players were arrested and/or suspended. That happens to be more wins than we had that year. 4 more issues the following season, some involving the same guys.
Ok, obviously, the franchise is in need of some sort of PR miracle. Maybe some time without any incidents. It was looking so good...until today, when one of our cornerbacks got pulled over for DRUNK DRIVING. Leon Hall blew a .149. That's almost twice the legal limit. Way to go. I love the article too: "Hall is the first Bengals player to face criminal charges in nearly a year." Like it's some kind of accomplishment. What you want, a cookie? So tonight my fingers are crossed for my players staying out of jail, and people everywhere to stop driving drunk. Call a cab, homes.
The first "Whatever, I Do What I Want" award goes to professional athletes who drink and drive. Really? You make millions of dollars a year and you can't afford to take a cab? or have someone drive you? If I were capable of hate, I could despise someone an awful lot, but if they said "drive me home and I'll give you $250," I'd be behind that wheel like a 15 year old with errands to run. You KNOW you are gonna be in the news if you get caught. And suspensions are gonna cost you a heck of a lot more than a cab ride that's for sure. It amazes me how much this happens and continues to happen.
Which brings me to my second "Whatever, I Do What I Want" award. It goes to my beloved franchise, the Cincinnati Bengals. As a bengals fan I've gone through more than my fair share of dark days in recent years. The Carson Palmer injuries, the Chad Johnson drama, the complete and utter lack of defense, and so on and so on. But I gotta say these guys have to some of the dumbest out there with the trouble they get into off the field. In 2006, nine players were arrested and/or suspended. That happens to be more wins than we had that year. 4 more issues the following season, some involving the same guys.
Ok, obviously, the franchise is in need of some sort of PR miracle. Maybe some time without any incidents. It was looking so good...until today, when one of our cornerbacks got pulled over for DRUNK DRIVING. Leon Hall blew a .149. That's almost twice the legal limit. Way to go. I love the article too: "Hall is the first Bengals player to face criminal charges in nearly a year." Like it's some kind of accomplishment. What you want, a cookie? So tonight my fingers are crossed for my players staying out of jail, and people everywhere to stop driving drunk. Call a cab, homes.
Hodge Podge
Ok, lots to catch up on.
First off, if you're a fan of the Muppets, check this out. It was hands down the best sketch from last week's SNL: http://www.hulu.com/watch/66320/saturday-night-live-muppet-bus
Snuggie update. I've gotten a lot of heat about the fact that I own a Snuggie from one particular individual who at this point shall remain nameless. But haters to the left, cause it's still awesome. I recently slept in my Snuggie for the first time. Lets just say I can toss and turn all I want and i'll still be warm. It's amazing.
To my fellow HIMYM fans, I believe the day I've been waiting for is arriving. They showed a rerun of "The Goat" on Monday, and a new episode is coming this week. Which I am taking to mean the story of the goat will be revealed! Very excited. Also curious to see how they deal with both main actresses being pregnant at the same time. Shouldn't there be some clause in their contract about that? If you watch the last new episode, you'll notice very few full body shots of Robin and Lily spends a lot of time behind a basketball rack or playing a guitar.
Fast approaching is the return of one of my all time favorite shows: Prison Break. For those unfamiliar, the show's premise began as a guy got framed for a murder and was in prison, then his brother cooked up an elaborate plan, got himself put in jail with his brother so he could break them out. After the season 1 finale, where they escape and start to run, I jokingly said "wouldn't it be great if every other season they went back to prison and had to break out again?" Well as it turns out, that's EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED. Season 2, they were on the run. Season 3, back in prison. Now in Season 4, they're on the run again. Ridiculous.
I won't even begin to try to describe the intricacies of the plot. I could have a whole blog just about that. But I think it's safe to say that it deserves my 1st annual ridiculous plot twists award. With 5 episodes left, I am sad to see it go. But it is time. Who knew a show called Prison Break, where they broke out of prison in season 1, could go 4 seasons? My hat is off to those writers.
I guess that's it for now. More to come later. My man tees off tomorrow afternoon in the quest for another green jacket. He never really dominates out of the gate at Augusta, so I won't be too worried no matter what happens.
First off, if you're a fan of the Muppets, check this out. It was hands down the best sketch from last week's SNL: http://www.hulu.com/watch/66320/saturday-night-live-muppet-bus
Snuggie update. I've gotten a lot of heat about the fact that I own a Snuggie from one particular individual who at this point shall remain nameless. But haters to the left, cause it's still awesome. I recently slept in my Snuggie for the first time. Lets just say I can toss and turn all I want and i'll still be warm. It's amazing.
To my fellow HIMYM fans, I believe the day I've been waiting for is arriving. They showed a rerun of "The Goat" on Monday, and a new episode is coming this week. Which I am taking to mean the story of the goat will be revealed! Very excited. Also curious to see how they deal with both main actresses being pregnant at the same time. Shouldn't there be some clause in their contract about that? If you watch the last new episode, you'll notice very few full body shots of Robin and Lily spends a lot of time behind a basketball rack or playing a guitar.
Fast approaching is the return of one of my all time favorite shows: Prison Break. For those unfamiliar, the show's premise began as a guy got framed for a murder and was in prison, then his brother cooked up an elaborate plan, got himself put in jail with his brother so he could break them out. After the season 1 finale, where they escape and start to run, I jokingly said "wouldn't it be great if every other season they went back to prison and had to break out again?" Well as it turns out, that's EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED. Season 2, they were on the run. Season 3, back in prison. Now in Season 4, they're on the run again. Ridiculous.
I won't even begin to try to describe the intricacies of the plot. I could have a whole blog just about that. But I think it's safe to say that it deserves my 1st annual ridiculous plot twists award. With 5 episodes left, I am sad to see it go. But it is time. Who knew a show called Prison Break, where they broke out of prison in season 1, could go 4 seasons? My hat is off to those writers.
I guess that's it for now. More to come later. My man tees off tomorrow afternoon in the quest for another green jacket. He never really dominates out of the gate at Augusta, so I won't be too worried no matter what happens.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
That Guy 1
House tonight really threw me. At the end of last weeks show, they had a really dramatic preview, saying "Every season there is an episode that goes beyond words. This is that episode" I have been looking forward to it since then, cause they usually don't let me down. And WOW. For those who watch and haven't seen it yet, don't worry I won't give anything away. But it is a shocker.
Tonight I'm going to start something new. I'm going to assemble a cast of characters that I encounter on a regular basis. I guess this is sort of like the Real Men of Genius, but when I actually have the time and motivation to achieve my dream of writing a screenplay, I'll look back on some of these characters and maybe they will make their way in. I call it "Don't be THAT guy"
Tonight's person is that guy at the gym working out and making sure everyone around him knows it. This is not one specific guy - it changes each time. But there is always one guy in there. If you are doing that much breathing and grunting on the treadmill, it's probably too fast. Yup, that was a great last rep you did there. Why don't you celebrate it some more? Oh, and now you're checking your pulse. Without looking at a clock. Magically? This is the guy who always looks pained, whether or not he actually is. You may know him by another name, I-don't-wipe-down-the-machine-after-I've-sweated-all-over-it Guy. Why are they always the same person?
If there is music playing, I have an iPod on, and I can still hear you from a floor up, something is wrong. I've got no problem with people exerting themselves, but try to be a little discreet about it. I don't need to know that you're feeling the burn.
Tonight I'm going to start something new. I'm going to assemble a cast of characters that I encounter on a regular basis. I guess this is sort of like the Real Men of Genius, but when I actually have the time and motivation to achieve my dream of writing a screenplay, I'll look back on some of these characters and maybe they will make their way in. I call it "Don't be THAT guy"
Tonight's person is that guy at the gym working out and making sure everyone around him knows it. This is not one specific guy - it changes each time. But there is always one guy in there. If you are doing that much breathing and grunting on the treadmill, it's probably too fast. Yup, that was a great last rep you did there. Why don't you celebrate it some more? Oh, and now you're checking your pulse. Without looking at a clock. Magically? This is the guy who always looks pained, whether or not he actually is. You may know him by another name, I-don't-wipe-down-the-machine-after-I've-sweated-all-over-it Guy. Why are they always the same person?
If there is music playing, I have an iPod on, and I can still hear you from a floor up, something is wrong. I've got no problem with people exerting themselves, but try to be a little discreet about it. I don't need to know that you're feeling the burn.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Ninja Parade
And we're back. The brief is turned in, so my apologies for the not so much posting over the weekend. Speaking of, shout out to everyone who went to Barristers Ball. It was a great time. A special shout out to Orlando for that amazing suit. Classy all the way.
I'm a fan of fake news, which is why I like the onion. I am by no means a regualr reader, but i go on from time to time, and they've usually got some funny stuff. I saw this one the other day, which I particuarly enjoyed. The headline was "Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again." This got a small chuckle. But the video for it is amazing. here's the link: http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ninja_parade_slips_through_town
Warning, that video has sound. If you are in class, don't watch it now.
Another post coming up tonight. Be on the lookout.
I'm a fan of fake news, which is why I like the onion. I am by no means a regualr reader, but i go on from time to time, and they've usually got some funny stuff. I saw this one the other day, which I particuarly enjoyed. The headline was "Ninja Parade Slips Through Town Unnoticed Once Again." This got a small chuckle. But the video for it is amazing. here's the link: http://www.theonion.com/content/video/ninja_parade_slips_through_town
Warning, that video has sound. If you are in class, don't watch it now.
Another post coming up tonight. Be on the lookout.
Friday, April 3, 2009
The Million
It's time for a segment called "Hilarious News Stories From Our Past" Tonight's story dates back to March 2004. In early March, Alice Pike went to Wal-Mart to do some shopping. Quite a bit of shopping actually, she gathered almost $1,700 dollars worth of merchandise. At the register, she attempted to pay with 2 Wal-Mart gift cards, but the cashier informed her that together the cards had a total of $2.32 on them. Looking through her purse she said "all I have is this" and handed the cashier a fake $1,000,000 bill. The cashier called the police, and the woman was arrested.
Ms. Pike said she was given the bill by her estranged husband, and that she THOUGHT IT WAS REAL. Ok, even if I get passed going around an filling up your cart with $1700 worth of stuff when you only have $2.32 in gift cards and a milli burnin' a hole in your purse, was she expecting change? Not a whole lot of people/banks out there can break a million.
I still don't know why you are carrying that around like it's nothing. Wouldn't you think that you would deposit it in the bank? What better way to find out for sure if it's real? Well, that's just what one guy did about 3.5 years later in South Carolina. He tried to open a checking a count with a million dollar bill. The bank employee called the police, and he too was arrested.
Instead of criticizing these people, I'm gonna get behind em. We need a million dollar bill out there. It could simplify real estate transactions. Find a real nice house, make the offer - a million dollars. When it's accepted, BAM. Through down the bill. My next mission would be to get a thousand of them and a large rubber band just to show up V.I.C. "I guess you CAN put a rubber band around a billion."
The million dollar bill, coming soon to a Wal-Mart near you.
Ms. Pike said she was given the bill by her estranged husband, and that she THOUGHT IT WAS REAL. Ok, even if I get passed going around an filling up your cart with $1700 worth of stuff when you only have $2.32 in gift cards and a milli burnin' a hole in your purse, was she expecting change? Not a whole lot of people/banks out there can break a million.
I still don't know why you are carrying that around like it's nothing. Wouldn't you think that you would deposit it in the bank? What better way to find out for sure if it's real? Well, that's just what one guy did about 3.5 years later in South Carolina. He tried to open a checking a count with a million dollar bill. The bank employee called the police, and he too was arrested.
Instead of criticizing these people, I'm gonna get behind em. We need a million dollar bill out there. It could simplify real estate transactions. Find a real nice house, make the offer - a million dollars. When it's accepted, BAM. Through down the bill. My next mission would be to get a thousand of them and a large rubber band just to show up V.I.C. "I guess you CAN put a rubber band around a billion."
The million dollar bill, coming soon to a Wal-Mart near you.
Pizzly Bears
Before I forget, a shout out goes to Hornbook for a great line: "I swear slightly more than the average bear." It's probably a had to be there kind of thing, but trust me it was hilarious.
It's official. The brief has taken over my mind. I think the break point was on the ride home from softball today. We were blessed with a classic on the radio, Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" Tim and I began changing the words to arguments and key words from our briefs and singing along with the tune. Funny? Without a doubt. Depressing? Even more so. I swore it would never come to this, but I'm afraid it has. I am sure I'm not alone out there, so to all my fellow sufferers, just a couple more days and we'll be through it!
But enough of that. Tonight I want to make everyone of a threat to our well being. I speak, of course, of the pizzly bear. Not three years ago, a pizzly bear, a grizzly bear/polar bear hybrid, was discovered. Despite what Coke commercials try to have us believe, polar bears are one of the fiercest creatures out there. There are three animals that hunt not for sport. Humans, wolverines, and polar bears. One of the most important advantages we have over them is the fact that they need the ice cold climate of the Arctic to survive.
The existence of the Pizzly bear is disturbing for just that reason. If the ferocity of polar bears were combined with a grizzly bear's ability to survive in temperate climate than we could be in trouble. And by we, I mean Canada. Fortunately for us, little evidence of further bear cross breeding has been uncovered, but my fears are not completely calmed. Clearly, these bears are smarter than we give them credit for. They have taken the steps to eliminate their main weakness. I'm guessing they are breeding up a pizzly bear army in secret, and this one that was discovered was a warning of the fury that will be released.
In Richmond, we should be safe. But if you see any suspicious looking bears, run for cover and call the pizzly bear hotline at 1-800-PIZZLY!
It's official. The brief has taken over my mind. I think the break point was on the ride home from softball today. We were blessed with a classic on the radio, Journey's "Don't Stop Believing" Tim and I began changing the words to arguments and key words from our briefs and singing along with the tune. Funny? Without a doubt. Depressing? Even more so. I swore it would never come to this, but I'm afraid it has. I am sure I'm not alone out there, so to all my fellow sufferers, just a couple more days and we'll be through it!
But enough of that. Tonight I want to make everyone of a threat to our well being. I speak, of course, of the pizzly bear. Not three years ago, a pizzly bear, a grizzly bear/polar bear hybrid, was discovered. Despite what Coke commercials try to have us believe, polar bears are one of the fiercest creatures out there. There are three animals that hunt not for sport. Humans, wolverines, and polar bears. One of the most important advantages we have over them is the fact that they need the ice cold climate of the Arctic to survive.
The existence of the Pizzly bear is disturbing for just that reason. If the ferocity of polar bears were combined with a grizzly bear's ability to survive in temperate climate than we could be in trouble. And by we, I mean Canada. Fortunately for us, little evidence of further bear cross breeding has been uncovered, but my fears are not completely calmed. Clearly, these bears are smarter than we give them credit for. They have taken the steps to eliminate their main weakness. I'm guessing they are breeding up a pizzly bear army in secret, and this one that was discovered was a warning of the fury that will be released.
In Richmond, we should be safe. But if you see any suspicious looking bears, run for cover and call the pizzly bear hotline at 1-800-PIZZLY!
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
The Superhero Among Us
I've been sitting on this information for a while, but after months of gathering evidence I think it's time it was revealed. While most of us look around and see only normal law students, that is not always the case. One of us is actually a SUPERHERO. That's right. Superman, Batman, The Human Torch all have several traits in common in their pursuit of justice and bringing good to the universe. Ladies and gentlemen one of us is in their company. I am speaking, of course, of DeVon. Allow me to explain.
Wikipedia lists the following common traits of super-heroes:
-Extraordinary powers/abilities, relevant skills, and/or advanced equipment. DeVon's dancing skills, comedic stylings, and the face you get when he disapproves of something you do all combine to create the unmatched power of making people smile and laugh. Though they may appear to be normal sunglasses, DeVon's shades are far from ordinary. The wearer's skill at beer pong increases 75% whilst wearing the glasses, and his/her hair will naturally begin to become dreads.
-A strong moral code, including a willingness to risk one's own safety in the service of good without expectation of reward. Once while crossing boatwright drive a car came speeding out of nowhere. At the last second I was shoved out of the way into a bush. Looking up, I saw only a figure running into the darkness towards a silver Chevy Impala. Though he denies knowledge of the incident, I know the truth of what happened that dark and stormy night. And he is, after all, in law school. What better way to dispense justice than with a J.D.?
-A motivation, such as a sense of responsibility. Pure, genuine humor is rare in law school. Blessed with the power to make people laugh, he is responsible for bringing much needed joy into our sometimes dark days. It's a gift...and a curse.
-A secret identity. DeVon's secret identity is Mr. Simmons. This happens when DeVon wears a suit. Mr. Simmons is the hard-working, interview-attending version of DeVon. Though some days we only have Mr. Simmons, DeVon is always out there looking out for us...
-A distinctive costume. If you think DeVon's shoes aren't distinctive than you must have only met Mr. Simmons.
-A supporting cast of recurring characters. I like to count myself in this group. Recurring characters may or may not know of his powers/identity, so if all this is news to you, don't worry, hope remains.
-A number of enemies that he/she fights repeatedly. Enemies include the Bluebook, ConLaw, his mother when she thinks he looks tired and turns of his alarm so he can get more sleep, and country music.
-Independent wealth or an occupation that allows for minimal supervision. DeVon DJs on Tuesday nights. And yet he can often be seen in the library or the DU at the same time. Coincidence? I think not.
-A headquarters or base of operations, usually kept hidden from the general public. I have asked DeVon at least 3 times where he lives. Never before have I met someone so vague with their answers. Oh, and he just happens to live 25-30 minutes away. So it will never be convenient to do anything at his house. Something smells fishy, and I'm goin fishin.
-A backstory that explains the circumstances by which the character acquired his or her abilities as well as his or her motivation for becoming a superhero. Many origin stories involve tragic elements and/or freak accidents that result in the development of the hero's abilities. I'd say growing up in Buffalo is tragic enough. I KNOW being a Bills fan certainly is.
Well, I think the evidence is clear. Even his name is so good there is no need for a cheesy super hero name. His alter-ego is Mr. Simmons, but when he does good, bringing joy and laughter to us all in desperate times, he is...DeVon.
Wikipedia lists the following common traits of super-heroes:
-Extraordinary powers/abilities, relevant skills, and/or advanced equipment. DeVon's dancing skills, comedic stylings, and the face you get when he disapproves of something you do all combine to create the unmatched power of making people smile and laugh. Though they may appear to be normal sunglasses, DeVon's shades are far from ordinary. The wearer's skill at beer pong increases 75% whilst wearing the glasses, and his/her hair will naturally begin to become dreads.
-A strong moral code, including a willingness to risk one's own safety in the service of good without expectation of reward. Once while crossing boatwright drive a car came speeding out of nowhere. At the last second I was shoved out of the way into a bush. Looking up, I saw only a figure running into the darkness towards a silver Chevy Impala. Though he denies knowledge of the incident, I know the truth of what happened that dark and stormy night. And he is, after all, in law school. What better way to dispense justice than with a J.D.?
-A motivation, such as a sense of responsibility. Pure, genuine humor is rare in law school. Blessed with the power to make people laugh, he is responsible for bringing much needed joy into our sometimes dark days. It's a gift...and a curse.
-A secret identity. DeVon's secret identity is Mr. Simmons. This happens when DeVon wears a suit. Mr. Simmons is the hard-working, interview-attending version of DeVon. Though some days we only have Mr. Simmons, DeVon is always out there looking out for us...
-A distinctive costume. If you think DeVon's shoes aren't distinctive than you must have only met Mr. Simmons.
-A supporting cast of recurring characters. I like to count myself in this group. Recurring characters may or may not know of his powers/identity, so if all this is news to you, don't worry, hope remains.
-A number of enemies that he/she fights repeatedly. Enemies include the Bluebook, ConLaw, his mother when she thinks he looks tired and turns of his alarm so he can get more sleep, and country music.
-Independent wealth or an occupation that allows for minimal supervision. DeVon DJs on Tuesday nights. And yet he can often be seen in the library or the DU at the same time. Coincidence? I think not.
-A headquarters or base of operations, usually kept hidden from the general public. I have asked DeVon at least 3 times where he lives. Never before have I met someone so vague with their answers. Oh, and he just happens to live 25-30 minutes away. So it will never be convenient to do anything at his house. Something smells fishy, and I'm goin fishin.
-A backstory that explains the circumstances by which the character acquired his or her abilities as well as his or her motivation for becoming a superhero. Many origin stories involve tragic elements and/or freak accidents that result in the development of the hero's abilities. I'd say growing up in Buffalo is tragic enough. I KNOW being a Bills fan certainly is.
Well, I think the evidence is clear. Even his name is so good there is no need for a cheesy super hero name. His alter-ego is Mr. Simmons, but when he does good, bringing joy and laughter to us all in desperate times, he is...DeVon.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Shout out
Shout out to the Pac Frat co-ed softball team for the big win tonight! We dominated.
A related shout out goes to the other team for not showing up.
A related shout out goes to the other team for not showing up.
Pulling the plug on ER the hard way
For those who may not know, I am a TV nut. I enjoy it a lot when shows do special one-hour episodes, or if the show is usually one hour, sometimes they have two-hour events. And I got mad love for the Peacock, but this time NBC has taken it too far. After more seasons on the air than the Octo-mom has kids (true story, it's 15 to 14) ER's final episode airs Thursday night. It is a not 1, not 2, but a 3 HOUR FINALE. As much as I love TV, this is absurd. I could drive to the theater and watch a movie in that time. It's a TV show people. And this is the American people we are talking about here. Attention spans can't be held that long. Especially not in our own homes. Especially not with commercials.
And so I propose a rule to all TV networks. Any special event shall not exceed double the normal running time. If a show is an hour, specials shouldn't be over two. There's a reason they are how long they are, and there's no need to mess with that to the point where its out of control. As an avid 30 Rock and Office viewer, you can bet I'm pissed about the finale. I will just have to find something else to watch in my Sngggie.
And by "find something else to watch" I mean "work on my brief"
And by "Snuggie" I mean "carrel...whilst wearing my Snuggie."
And so I propose a rule to all TV networks. Any special event shall not exceed double the normal running time. If a show is an hour, specials shouldn't be over two. There's a reason they are how long they are, and there's no need to mess with that to the point where its out of control. As an avid 30 Rock and Office viewer, you can bet I'm pissed about the finale. I will just have to find something else to watch in my Sngggie.
And by "find something else to watch" I mean "work on my brief"
And by "Snuggie" I mean "carrel...whilst wearing my Snuggie."
ShamWow First Aid
Amidst the march madness, bluebooking, and beerlympics, we must sometimes take a minute that real world news is happening. And so you can imagine it was quite a shock when I saw this little tidbit.
According to the Smoking Gun, Vince Shlomi aka the ShamWow Guy was arrested last month for assaulting a prostitute. Beyond its headline, the details of this story amuse me greatly. Apparently, after paying $750 for a hotel room and $1,000 for a prostitute, the ShamWow Guy began to kiss the woman. She bit down on his tongue and would not let go. His solution? He punched her in the face until she would. Really, ShamWow guy? To borrow a joke from Jimmy Fallon, have you no sham?
I think this calls for a new ShamWow product. Currently there is the ShamWow and the ShamWow mini. The mini is roughly 15" x 15" ShamWow guy, I am calling on you to release ShamWow First Aid - even smaller band aid/gauze pad size ShamWows that can hold ten times their weight in bodily fluids. Got a cut or nosebleed? ShamWow First Aid will soak that right up in no time. And then you would get to wring it out! It's a gold mine. And so I am calling on you, ShamWow Guy, to start the marketing for this. If I don't hear anything from you, I'll assume the cat's got your tongue.
For the record, both were arrested for felony aggravated battery, but prosecutors didn't file official charges against either.
Here's a link to a little blurb, complete with unattractive mugshot: http://www.ottawacitizen.com/Technology/ShamWow+arrested+after+hotel+fight+with+woman+Smoking/1436935/story.html
According to the Smoking Gun, Vince Shlomi aka the ShamWow Guy was arrested last month for assaulting a prostitute. Beyond its headline, the details of this story amuse me greatly. Apparently, after paying $750 for a hotel room and $1,000 for a prostitute, the ShamWow Guy began to kiss the woman. She bit down on his tongue and would not let go. His solution? He punched her in the face until she would. Really, ShamWow guy? To borrow a joke from Jimmy Fallon, have you no sham?
I think this calls for a new ShamWow product. Currently there is the ShamWow and the ShamWow mini. The mini is roughly 15" x 15" ShamWow guy, I am calling on you to release ShamWow First Aid - even smaller band aid/gauze pad size ShamWows that can hold ten times their weight in bodily fluids. Got a cut or nosebleed? ShamWow First Aid will soak that right up in no time. And then you would get to wring it out! It's a gold mine. And so I am calling on you, ShamWow Guy, to start the marketing for this. If I don't hear anything from you, I'll assume the cat's got your tongue.
For the record, both were arrested for felony aggravated battery, but prosecutors didn't file official charges against either.
Here's a link to a little blurb, complete with unattractive mugshot: http://www.ottawacitizen.com/Technology/ShamWow+arrested+after+hotel+fight+with+woman+Smoking/1436935/story.html
Sunday, March 29, 2009
My man does it again
He's gone and done it again. Not one year ago, I was on a couch, watching Tiger on the 18th green at Bay Hill, tied for the lead with a birdie putt. The commentators said "He hasn't made a putt outside of 20 feet all week, and this one's 22." He steps up and drills it for the win. Dead center. I went nuts. It is times like these that I love Roxanne (my TiVo) cause I definitely watched that a good number of times.
Well, a year and a knee surgery later, Eldrick found himself in the same place - tied for the lead, 18th hole, birdie putt to win. The putt this year was 16 feet. Instead of on my couch, I was on my bed, but I without a doubt yelled just as loudly (the dorm can attest I'm sure) when he sank it for the win...AGAIN. The guy is nuts. His third tournament back from knee surgery and about 8 months off the tour and he's back winning again. And oh yeah, he started the day 5 strokes back. Aint no thang.
Tiger, you are truly the man. After a weekend of my bracket getting busted over and over again, Tiger has given me such an energy that only a memorandum of law in support of plaintiff's motion for summary judgment can take away.
Another great commentary this year:
Tiger is hitting an approach shot, aims to the right of the green.
Commentators: "what's he doing aiming all the way over there?" "I'm not really sure"
Tiger hits the shot, it land middle of the green and spins left and back to about 3 feet from the cup
Commentators: "I think he knows what he's doing out there"
Yeah, I think he does.
Well, a year and a knee surgery later, Eldrick found himself in the same place - tied for the lead, 18th hole, birdie putt to win. The putt this year was 16 feet. Instead of on my couch, I was on my bed, but I without a doubt yelled just as loudly (the dorm can attest I'm sure) when he sank it for the win...AGAIN. The guy is nuts. His third tournament back from knee surgery and about 8 months off the tour and he's back winning again. And oh yeah, he started the day 5 strokes back. Aint no thang.
Tiger, you are truly the man. After a weekend of my bracket getting busted over and over again, Tiger has given me such an energy that only a memorandum of law in support of plaintiff's motion for summary judgment can take away.
Another great commentary this year:
Tiger is hitting an approach shot, aims to the right of the green.
Commentators: "what's he doing aiming all the way over there?" "I'm not really sure"
Tiger hits the shot, it land middle of the green and spins left and back to about 3 feet from the cup
Commentators: "I think he knows what he's doing out there"
Yeah, I think he does.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Tennis?!!? I hardly know her!
Those who know me best know tennis is one of my favorite sports, be it playing or watching. Walk in my room and you will see a large Rafael Nadal poster hanging nest to an equal sized Federer poster. Truth be told, while fans of both, I have always been a Nadal man first.
The tennis scoring system is one of the strangest things known to man, and must have been invented to make people feel better about themselves.
You just scored one point? Well guess what, you've got 15! What? Man, I must be really good!
I got another point! How much do I have now? 30!?!? I love this game.
I haven't scored yet, do I have zero? No, zero's too depressing. You have love. Awww. Love. I almost don't want to score.
Miss a serve? No problem. You get another one. If it's really close, you can have two more.
The system makes absolutely no sense. This is the only plausible explanation I can think of. But perhaps it's origins in making people feel better is a reason why I like the sport so much. If so, I'm not complaining. So here's to love games everywhere.
The tennis scoring system is one of the strangest things known to man, and must have been invented to make people feel better about themselves.
You just scored one point? Well guess what, you've got 15! What? Man, I must be really good!
I got another point! How much do I have now? 30!?!? I love this game.
I haven't scored yet, do I have zero? No, zero's too depressing. You have love. Awww. Love. I almost don't want to score.
Miss a serve? No problem. You get another one. If it's really close, you can have two more.
The system makes absolutely no sense. This is the only plausible explanation I can think of. But perhaps it's origins in making people feel better is a reason why I like the sport so much. If so, I'm not complaining. So here's to love games everywhere.
Thursday, March 26, 2009
A Trio of Shout outs
Three shout outs for tonight.
1) To Ryan, for cleaning out the house refrigerator. Whoever left that stuff in there way too long, we will probably never know, but thanks goes to Ryan for stepping up and taking care of it.
2) To Jill. This week Jill has had to sit through a lot of dinners as the only female at the table, or one of the few. Let's just say she has endured more than her share of "guy conversations" and takes it well. She even contributes. Jill, you're awesome.
3) To DeVon, for coining the phrases "You just got Blaued" and "Blau Nuggets" It was a healthy part of a hilarious dinner tonight.
1) To Ryan, for cleaning out the house refrigerator. Whoever left that stuff in there way too long, we will probably never know, but thanks goes to Ryan for stepping up and taking care of it.
2) To Jill. This week Jill has had to sit through a lot of dinners as the only female at the table, or one of the few. Let's just say she has endured more than her share of "guy conversations" and takes it well. She even contributes. Jill, you're awesome.
3) To DeVon, for coining the phrases "You just got Blaued" and "Blau Nuggets" It was a healthy part of a hilarious dinner tonight.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Box Office
Tonight, I introduce a segment called "One of Tizzle's favorite movies that you have probably either never seen or think is terrible." Or, as I like to call it, OOTFMTYHPENSOTIT. I make no excuses for my taste in movies. Some I like, others I don't, others are just ok. That's just the way it is.
Tonight's OOTFMTYHPENSOTIT is a early '00s (I still am looking for a decent name for this decade) thriller starring Colin Farrell, Keifer Sutherland, Forrest Whitaker, and Katie Holmes. It's called "Phone Booth." When I heard about this movie, I remember being skeptical. "How can a whole movie take place inside a phone booth?" I remember thinking, in a much higher pitched voice. Well, I was not dissapointed. For those unfamiliar, here is the idea (without giving much away) - guy goes into a phone booth to make a call, starts talking to a crazy guy who makes him do whatever he wants and doesn't let him leave the booth. It's somehow simple yet crazy.
I like this movie for several reasons. First, as you may have guessed, I like it because they play no games with the title. Second, fellow 24 fans like myself know that Keifer has a great threatening voice. In 24, we get two volumes: yelling and whispering. Phone Booth opened me up to a whole new side of Keifer - regular volume talking. He does the creepy twisted voice a little too well. Kind of like Colin's a little too good at playing the D-bag...hmm....Third, it is short. 81 minutes. I don't need a 2 and a half hour thrill ride. That's too much thrill. Especially in a movie like this.
SPOILER ALERT: Do not read any further if you have some desire to see the movie and have not. The fourth reason I like this movie is because you are thinking "alright, he's gotta get out of the booth soon, right?" the WHOLE time. This can't be it, right? Oh but it is. I didn't think they could pull it off but they do. I can't imagine being stuck in somewhere like that for so long where I would have to stand up the whole time. As a kid, trying to stand through the whole Palm Sunday gospel was bad enough. And that was probably about 7 minutes. I'm a sitter, and I always will be.
SPOILER ALERT AVERTED
Colin Farrell in real life has a pretty serious irish accent. His American with a healthy taste of New York in this one is fantastic. I am always impressed at actors who can do that.
Tonight's OOTFMTYHPENSOTIT is a early '00s (I still am looking for a decent name for this decade) thriller starring Colin Farrell, Keifer Sutherland, Forrest Whitaker, and Katie Holmes. It's called "Phone Booth." When I heard about this movie, I remember being skeptical. "How can a whole movie take place inside a phone booth?" I remember thinking, in a much higher pitched voice. Well, I was not dissapointed. For those unfamiliar, here is the idea (without giving much away) - guy goes into a phone booth to make a call, starts talking to a crazy guy who makes him do whatever he wants and doesn't let him leave the booth. It's somehow simple yet crazy.
I like this movie for several reasons. First, as you may have guessed, I like it because they play no games with the title. Second, fellow 24 fans like myself know that Keifer has a great threatening voice. In 24, we get two volumes: yelling and whispering. Phone Booth opened me up to a whole new side of Keifer - regular volume talking. He does the creepy twisted voice a little too well. Kind of like Colin's a little too good at playing the D-bag...hmm....Third, it is short. 81 minutes. I don't need a 2 and a half hour thrill ride. That's too much thrill. Especially in a movie like this.
SPOILER ALERT: Do not read any further if you have some desire to see the movie and have not. The fourth reason I like this movie is because you are thinking "alright, he's gotta get out of the booth soon, right?" the WHOLE time. This can't be it, right? Oh but it is. I didn't think they could pull it off but they do. I can't imagine being stuck in somewhere like that for so long where I would have to stand up the whole time. As a kid, trying to stand through the whole Palm Sunday gospel was bad enough. And that was probably about 7 minutes. I'm a sitter, and I always will be.
SPOILER ALERT AVERTED
Colin Farrell in real life has a pretty serious irish accent. His American with a healthy taste of New York in this one is fantastic. I am always impressed at actors who can do that.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Buffalo Wings
As a true sports fan, I love buffalo wings. The spicier the better, gimme a tub o ranch, and I am down like a comforter. But you may also know I don't like things that are not what they claim to be. So I gotta take a little bit of issue here.
Buffaloes do not have wings. This is pretty clear, because they cannot fly. The fact that they lasted as long as they have as a species is actually astonishing. Char-Dizzle (Darwin to most people), I know you're with me on this one. They should call it survival of the fittest + buffaloes. Because Colorado needs a mascot I guess...
The simplest explanation is that buffalo wings are chicken wings with buffalo sauce. Ok, chickens have wings. More on that later. But hold the phone...buffalo sauce? Is this sauce made out of buffaloes? Do buffaloes like it? Did they invent it? Are buffaloes known for being saucy individuals? Frankly, I don't see how buffaloes have the remotest connection to the delicious spicy sauce that covers my wings. My sources on the inside say we're about 17 years away from being able to translate animal brain waves into thoughts. When we do, I will find a buffalo, hook him up, inform him of the situation, and we'll see the reaction. I'll keep you posted.
If what I am eating is really chicken wings, then how are their "boneless buffalo wings?" There is no way that this is the same part of the chicken. I don't think boneless buffalo wings are really "wings" at all. For that matter, I'm not even sure chicken wings are.
Like I said, I love the food, so I won't complain too much, but food that claims to be something else is frontin like my momma (the opposite of stuntin like my daddy).
Full disclosure: My mom does not front. She is awesome. Mom, if you're reading, I love you.
Buffaloes do not have wings. This is pretty clear, because they cannot fly. The fact that they lasted as long as they have as a species is actually astonishing. Char-Dizzle (Darwin to most people), I know you're with me on this one. They should call it survival of the fittest + buffaloes. Because Colorado needs a mascot I guess...
The simplest explanation is that buffalo wings are chicken wings with buffalo sauce. Ok, chickens have wings. More on that later. But hold the phone...buffalo sauce? Is this sauce made out of buffaloes? Do buffaloes like it? Did they invent it? Are buffaloes known for being saucy individuals? Frankly, I don't see how buffaloes have the remotest connection to the delicious spicy sauce that covers my wings. My sources on the inside say we're about 17 years away from being able to translate animal brain waves into thoughts. When we do, I will find a buffalo, hook him up, inform him of the situation, and we'll see the reaction. I'll keep you posted.
If what I am eating is really chicken wings, then how are their "boneless buffalo wings?" There is no way that this is the same part of the chicken. I don't think boneless buffalo wings are really "wings" at all. For that matter, I'm not even sure chicken wings are.
Like I said, I love the food, so I won't complain too much, but food that claims to be something else is frontin like my momma (the opposite of stuntin like my daddy).
Full disclosure: My mom does not front. She is awesome. Mom, if you're reading, I love you.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Shout out and more
My apologies for the lack of posting over the weekend. Between the bluebook exam, and being out of town, blawegsome took a hit. Sorry to my followers.
A special shout out goes to Mark for his unwavering hospitality. I have stayed with him in Williamsburg (or as Hornbook might call it, the fake Williamsburg) for I think 3 of the past 6 weekends. Much love homie, you the man.
New invention in the works - I need something to remind me that I have leftover food that is in the fridge and needs to be eaten. I really am terrible about remembering that I have food. There's not really a joke in there, I'm just really bad at it. So, if you're looking for some free food, employ the following steps:
1) Go with me to a restaraunt that has very large portions
2) Take me back to your place and convince me that I should put my food in the fridge.
Bam! You will have free food as soon as it's time for me to go. There's got to be an iPhone app or something for people like me. I'll keep you posted.
A special shout out goes to Mark for his unwavering hospitality. I have stayed with him in Williamsburg (or as Hornbook might call it, the fake Williamsburg) for I think 3 of the past 6 weekends. Much love homie, you the man.
New invention in the works - I need something to remind me that I have leftover food that is in the fridge and needs to be eaten. I really am terrible about remembering that I have food. There's not really a joke in there, I'm just really bad at it. So, if you're looking for some free food, employ the following steps:
1) Go with me to a restaraunt that has very large portions
2) Take me back to your place and convince me that I should put my food in the fridge.
Bam! You will have free food as soon as it's time for me to go. There's got to be an iPhone app or something for people like me. I'll keep you posted.
Why is Abbreviate such a long word?
Cause it's frontin'. Like palindrome. enough said, moving on. I had the following dream last night.
Scientists discovered that a far away star was nearing meltdown and implosion. When this happened, it would send toxic rays towards the Earth. There is a gene that makes some people impervious to the rays. Those without the gene die a fairly swift death. Who has the gene? All women and select men. To determine if you were one of the men, you had to get a shot, and if you had the gene, your thumb would turn blue. The social chaos that ensued was remarkable.
Some people say dreams are a window to the subconscious. Others say we dream about the last thing we think about before we go to sleep. I'm gonna go ahead and throw those out right now. I am pretty sure nowhere in my subconscious do I even come close to imagining imploding toxic stars. And rarely do I dream about how many hours I have before I have to get up. Here is my theory on dreams.
Dreams are like a drill Sergeant living with your friend who is worse at things than you. They are the great equalizer. When you are down on yourself and things aren't goin well, your brain knows whats up. That night you are dreaming about chillin on the beach with a celebrity, and you just can't help but feel awesome. It's an esteem booster, like beating your friend at something. The cycle continues until you're on top of your game. When your crunkswagga is maxed out, and pimpin IS easy, the drill Sergeant takes over. You brain cooks up some messed up scenario (see above) just to remind you that you are still weird. Some days you wake up and say "awww yeah..." and others its "what?" It's all part of the cycle. Cause at the end of the day (pun intended) those of us mortals, aka those of us not named Steve Nash, can't be juiced up all the time. Or, as a good friend once told me, "cause not everyone can bring the pain a hundred percent of the time so you gotta get it where you can."
Scientists discovered that a far away star was nearing meltdown and implosion. When this happened, it would send toxic rays towards the Earth. There is a gene that makes some people impervious to the rays. Those without the gene die a fairly swift death. Who has the gene? All women and select men. To determine if you were one of the men, you had to get a shot, and if you had the gene, your thumb would turn blue. The social chaos that ensued was remarkable.
Some people say dreams are a window to the subconscious. Others say we dream about the last thing we think about before we go to sleep. I'm gonna go ahead and throw those out right now. I am pretty sure nowhere in my subconscious do I even come close to imagining imploding toxic stars. And rarely do I dream about how many hours I have before I have to get up. Here is my theory on dreams.
Dreams are like a drill Sergeant living with your friend who is worse at things than you. They are the great equalizer. When you are down on yourself and things aren't goin well, your brain knows whats up. That night you are dreaming about chillin on the beach with a celebrity, and you just can't help but feel awesome. It's an esteem booster, like beating your friend at something. The cycle continues until you're on top of your game. When your crunkswagga is maxed out, and pimpin IS easy, the drill Sergeant takes over. You brain cooks up some messed up scenario (see above) just to remind you that you are still weird. Some days you wake up and say "awww yeah..." and others its "what?" It's all part of the cycle. Cause at the end of the day (pun intended) those of us mortals, aka those of us not named Steve Nash, can't be juiced up all the time. Or, as a good friend once told me, "cause not everyone can bring the pain a hundred percent of the time so you gotta get it where you can."
Friday, March 20, 2009
Man vs Beast
Over the years, FOX has had some great specials. But the one that stands out in my mind above all others has got to be Man vs. Beast. This was probably about 6 years ago. The show pitted humans against animals in physical challenges. Some were pretty evenly matched - 44 little people were strapped to a commercial jet and raced to pull it faster than an elephant. The elephant beat them by a tusk. Others seemed unfairly organized - a gymnast beat an orangutan in a hanging contest on a technicality when the orangutan let go of the bar with one hand. Who makes a rule like that? How is an animal supposed to know that he's not allowed to do that? That's like Michael Phelps swimming against a dolphin and disqualifying the dolphin for an illegal flip turn. Or challenging an aardvark to a staredown where he is not allowed to be awesome.
But the most unfair was without a doubt the hot dog eating contest, which pitted Takeru Kobayashi, then considered the greatest hot dog eater in the world, against a hungry, 1,089 pound Kodiak BEAR. Seriously, how is that anyone thought this was going to be a matchup? I stumbled across the video recently, which I've attached at the bottom. It's still classic. Kobayashi looks on in fear as the bear just chows down dog after dog. The commentary is hilarious, as is the post-match interview. Although, I am still upset they didn't get an interview with the bear himself.
Potential future man vs. beast match-ups:
-Ryan Shannon vs. A sloth in a 40 yard dash (let's hope it's at least a two hour special)
-Jill vs. A screech owl in who can make a higher pitched noise
-Tim vs. A pig in a jello-eating contest. This could be grippingly close.
-DeVon vs. A tiger in a cool-walk contest. For those who don't know, DeVon has the coolest, most laid back walk I have ever seen. After a semester of trying to imitate it, I still can't even come close. I do try though, much to his chagrin. As for the tiger, they slink pretty cool, so could be close...oh, who am I kidding. Simmons in a blowout.
The link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgqbCq_sxmo
But the most unfair was without a doubt the hot dog eating contest, which pitted Takeru Kobayashi, then considered the greatest hot dog eater in the world, against a hungry, 1,089 pound Kodiak BEAR. Seriously, how is that anyone thought this was going to be a matchup? I stumbled across the video recently, which I've attached at the bottom. It's still classic. Kobayashi looks on in fear as the bear just chows down dog after dog. The commentary is hilarious, as is the post-match interview. Although, I am still upset they didn't get an interview with the bear himself.
Potential future man vs. beast match-ups:
-Ryan Shannon vs. A sloth in a 40 yard dash (let's hope it's at least a two hour special)
-Jill vs. A screech owl in who can make a higher pitched noise
-Tim vs. A pig in a jello-eating contest. This could be grippingly close.
-DeVon vs. A tiger in a cool-walk contest. For those who don't know, DeVon has the coolest, most laid back walk I have ever seen. After a semester of trying to imitate it, I still can't even come close. I do try though, much to his chagrin. As for the tiger, they slink pretty cool, so could be close...oh, who am I kidding. Simmons in a blowout.
The link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgqbCq_sxmo
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Go Hang a Salami. I'm a Lasagna Hog.
The title is my favorite palindrome (spelled the same forwards as backwards). Credit goes to Kimi for opening my eyes to it. While I do love palindromes, I've got a bit of a beef. Shouldn't the word for something that describes spelling symmetry be able to be spelled the same backwards itself? Palindrome, you are a hypocrite. What exactly is an emordnilap?
Personally, i can't get enough of palindromes. That's why I had my mom install radar on my kayak. I never miss an opportunity to yell "Yo banana boy" or watch nurses run. I'm currently writing a screenplay where every character's name is a palindrome, and they only speak in palindromes. Spoiler Alert: There's a great part where Dr. Awkward asks Evil Olive, "Was it a car or a cat I saw?" and she responds "A toyota's a toyota." I dunno, maybe you've gotta be there. And by there, I mean the setting of the screenplay, DNA-land. Anyway, palindromes are awesome, and there needs to be more of them in the world.
Full disclosure, I actually am a lasagna hog. I can't get enough of the stuff. Great. Now I'm hungry.
Personally, i can't get enough of palindromes. That's why I had my mom install radar on my kayak. I never miss an opportunity to yell "Yo banana boy" or watch nurses run. I'm currently writing a screenplay where every character's name is a palindrome, and they only speak in palindromes. Spoiler Alert: There's a great part where Dr. Awkward asks Evil Olive, "Was it a car or a cat I saw?" and she responds "A toyota's a toyota." I dunno, maybe you've gotta be there. And by there, I mean the setting of the screenplay, DNA-land. Anyway, palindromes are awesome, and there needs to be more of them in the world.
Full disclosure, I actually am a lasagna hog. I can't get enough of the stuff. Great. Now I'm hungry.
Mascot Battle
Ok, to all my haters out there who have requested I stop writing about basketball, I'll have you know that while this is basketball related, it is really about the mascots. My friend Erin tonight mentioned she would be filling her bracket out based on which mascot would win in a fight. This method produces some interesting first round and projected matchups, but also some problems down the road...
-Orangemen vs. Lumberjacks. I'm not sure here, but there is one thing I know for sure. I do not want to ever run into an orange lumberjack. Terrifying.
-Zags vs. Zips. What?
-Illini vs. Hilltoppers. Again....what?
-Tigers vs. Crimson. Tigers have a tough one here. I don't know how you beat a color...
-Cougars vs. Aggies. A decent match only if cougars are animals, and not older women seeking young men. However, I would pay much more money to see the latter matchup.
-Longhorns vs. Gophers. Gophers might have had a shot against regulation horns, but not against those longhorns.
-Spartans vs. Colonials. One word - Crunkswagga.
While the early rounds won't be a problem, Erin has some potential trouble looming in the west region, where the projected semifinals pit the Huskies vs. Huskies and Tigers vs. Tigers. Trouble in Hooville. We'll see how it turns out.
-Orangemen vs. Lumberjacks. I'm not sure here, but there is one thing I know for sure. I do not want to ever run into an orange lumberjack. Terrifying.
-Zags vs. Zips. What?
-Illini vs. Hilltoppers. Again....what?
-Tigers vs. Crimson. Tigers have a tough one here. I don't know how you beat a color...
-Cougars vs. Aggies. A decent match only if cougars are animals, and not older women seeking young men. However, I would pay much more money to see the latter matchup.
-Longhorns vs. Gophers. Gophers might have had a shot against regulation horns, but not against those longhorns.
-Spartans vs. Colonials. One word - Crunkswagga.
While the early rounds won't be a problem, Erin has some potential trouble looming in the west region, where the projected semifinals pit the Huskies vs. Huskies and Tigers vs. Tigers. Trouble in Hooville. We'll see how it turns out.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
The Rational Ratio
Today I heard one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. A friend who shall remain nameless told me that in college, he and his friends were dunk one night and decided to go to White Castle. On it's face, this is not so bad, but here's the kicker. The White Castle was in JERSEY and his college was in Farmville, VIRGINIA. A six and a half hour drive for White Castle? To borrow a phrase from Richard, "SIR!.......SIR!" 6 and a half hours is bad enough. The fact that you went to Jersey makes it even worse. A longer trip to New York would have been way more acceptable. But as is, I have to question this decision. Well, since you were drunk, the decision I am questioning is that of the driver? Who drives drunk people 6 and a half HOURS to JERSEY for white castle? Have some self respect, man.
To protect against situations like this, I've established what I like to call as the rational ratio. It works like this - the farther away something is, the more awesome it must be to warrant a trip there. As you can see by the chart, it's roughly exponential, meaning that as the travel time increases, something has got to be more and more awesome. The chart here stops at 2 hours, and is already up at 8 on the awesome scale, so you can just imagine how high the awesomeness would have to be to warrant a 6.5 hour trip. Given that it was White Castle, he had to do Drive Thru, and it was Jersey, I'd say my friend fell far short of the awesomeness requirement.
I keep a copy of the rational ratio in my wallet. Whenever a trip is suggested, all it takes is a quick calculation of expected awesomeness and travel time, and the ratio will help you make the right decision. Full disclosure: The ratio is just a guideline. Factors like available alternatives, who is driving, if you can sleep, and previous experience with the activity all push the scale up and down. In the end it's often a judgement call.
To protect against situations like this, I've established what I like to call as the rational ratio. It works like this - the farther away something is, the more awesome it must be to warrant a trip there. As you can see by the chart, it's roughly exponential, meaning that as the travel time increases, something has got to be more and more awesome. The chart here stops at 2 hours, and is already up at 8 on the awesome scale, so you can just imagine how high the awesomeness would have to be to warrant a 6.5 hour trip. Given that it was White Castle, he had to do Drive Thru, and it was Jersey, I'd say my friend fell far short of the awesomeness requirement.
I keep a copy of the rational ratio in my wallet. Whenever a trip is suggested, all it takes is a quick calculation of expected awesomeness and travel time, and the ratio will help you make the right decision. Full disclosure: The ratio is just a guideline. Factors like available alternatives, who is driving, if you can sleep, and previous experience with the activity all push the scale up and down. In the end it's often a judgement call.
Monday, March 16, 2009
On A Stick
I recently saw an insurance commercial that had a ice cream man trying to sell Popsicles without the sticks. It reminded me of a conversation I had with Nick and DeVon a few weeks ago about how everything is better when you put it on a stick. It's portable practical, and not just for Popsicles anymore. Take corn dogs - if you tried to sell a hot dog wrapped up in cornbread batter and deep fried, not a chance. But put it on a stick and BAM. It's golden. Bags of cotton candy do not sell nearly as well as cotton candy on a stick. Weird looking chicken? Meh...I'll pass. Weird looking chicken on a stick? Hey, I'll try anything once. Little cheese cubes are impossible to resist when the toothpick with which I will stab them and eat them off of is readily available. Marshmallows are roasted on sticks, and true campers forgo the crackers and chocolate and eat the marshmallow right off the stake.
I could go on and on. Food is just better on a stick. If you've read a couple posts, you know I'm a big fan of top-10 lists. So now, my top 10 list of foods that need to be on sticks.
1. Twinkies. I do realize that this would mean a slight reduction in cream filling (to make room for the stick) but its a sacrifice I would be willing to make.
2. Ravioli. Pile 4 or 5 of those bad boys and you're good to go.
3. Pot stickers. A food with "stick" in the name deserves to be on one.
4. Cauliflower. I don't like cauliflower. I would not eat it if it was on a stick. I just think it deserves to be stabbed.
5. Beef. There's a little of this, but not nearly enough. I need more meats on sticks.
6. Nilla Wafers. Sticks will be the key to inspiring the N.W. comeback our country needs.
7. Sushi. We already use chopsticks. Why not take next step?
8. Chicken Nuggets. Delicious already. If I could avoid the greasy fingers afterwards, I'm be on cloud 9.
9. Jello. It's alive!
10. Krispy Kreme Donuts. Similar to Chicken Nuggets.
When this whole law school thing doesn't work out for me, I will start a restaurant that will serve everything on sticks. It's gonna be sweet. Still working on the name - suggestions welcome. I'll keep you posted.
I could go on and on. Food is just better on a stick. If you've read a couple posts, you know I'm a big fan of top-10 lists. So now, my top 10 list of foods that need to be on sticks.
1. Twinkies. I do realize that this would mean a slight reduction in cream filling (to make room for the stick) but its a sacrifice I would be willing to make.
2. Ravioli. Pile 4 or 5 of those bad boys and you're good to go.
3. Pot stickers. A food with "stick" in the name deserves to be on one.
4. Cauliflower. I don't like cauliflower. I would not eat it if it was on a stick. I just think it deserves to be stabbed.
5. Beef. There's a little of this, but not nearly enough. I need more meats on sticks.
6. Nilla Wafers. Sticks will be the key to inspiring the N.W. comeback our country needs.
7. Sushi. We already use chopsticks. Why not take next step?
8. Chicken Nuggets. Delicious already. If I could avoid the greasy fingers afterwards, I'm be on cloud 9.
9. Jello. It's alive!
10. Krispy Kreme Donuts. Similar to Chicken Nuggets.
When this whole law school thing doesn't work out for me, I will start a restaurant that will serve everything on sticks. It's gonna be sweet. Still working on the name - suggestions welcome. I'll keep you posted.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Bluebook Madness?
Today, many college basketball teams across the country will have their bubbles burst when the brackets come out and they have not been chosen to compete. Something they have been looking forward to for months will be suddenly diminished. I had a similar bubble bursting feeling yesterday. First, some background knowledge. My seven favorite days of the year are as follows:
1. The first Thursday of the NCAA Tournament (16 games)
2. The first Friday of the NCAA Tournament (16 games)
3. Selection Sunday (ACC, Big 10 Championships + Brackets released)
4. Pre-Selection Saturday (Countless Conference Championships, Semifinals, and hours of bubble watch)
5. Sweet Sixteen Saturday (8 games)
6. Sweet Stixteen Sunday (8 games)
7. My Birthday
I live for the madness. I petitioned by undergraduate office of the registrar for permission to major in bracketology. I was sadly denied. I thrive on the competition, to have a better bracket than my peers, the ESPN experts, and most importantly, my calculator, who makes a bracket every year with a weighted random number generator. To make a long story short (too late), the T stands for brackeTs (not Tyrone).
Thus, you can imagine my bubble bursting when I found out that the bluebook exam was scheduled from Friday to Monday of said amazing weekend. Really? Really, bluebook exam committee? I really really really do not like this. What is wrong with the next weekend? I'll tell you what...NOTHING. To borrow an analogy, this whole situation is as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. I don't know if the exam has been scheduled on opening weekend in years passed, but I would love to see corellation between number of NCAA tournament games the weekend of the bluebook exam and average exam score. I imagine it would be about as negative as the pregnancy test I just took for fun. So thanks a lot, bluebook exam committee. I guess here's looking forward to June 12th...
*The analogy above was borrowed from a link Duarte just sent me. They have teachers submit the worst/strangest analogies and metaphors that their students write, and the "best" ones are published. It's pretty funny: http://chasingdaisy.com/2007/01/19/like-a-hefty-bag-filled-with-vegetable-soup/
1. The first Thursday of the NCAA Tournament (16 games)
2. The first Friday of the NCAA Tournament (16 games)
3. Selection Sunday (ACC, Big 10 Championships + Brackets released)
4. Pre-Selection Saturday (Countless Conference Championships, Semifinals, and hours of bubble watch)
5. Sweet Sixteen Saturday (8 games)
6. Sweet Stixteen Sunday (8 games)
7. My Birthday
I live for the madness. I petitioned by undergraduate office of the registrar for permission to major in bracketology. I was sadly denied. I thrive on the competition, to have a better bracket than my peers, the ESPN experts, and most importantly, my calculator, who makes a bracket every year with a weighted random number generator. To make a long story short (too late), the T stands for brackeTs (not Tyrone).
Thus, you can imagine my bubble bursting when I found out that the bluebook exam was scheduled from Friday to Monday of said amazing weekend. Really? Really, bluebook exam committee? I really really really do not like this. What is wrong with the next weekend? I'll tell you what...NOTHING. To borrow an analogy, this whole situation is as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something. I don't know if the exam has been scheduled on opening weekend in years passed, but I would love to see corellation between number of NCAA tournament games the weekend of the bluebook exam and average exam score. I imagine it would be about as negative as the pregnancy test I just took for fun. So thanks a lot, bluebook exam committee. I guess here's looking forward to June 12th...
*The analogy above was borrowed from a link Duarte just sent me. They have teachers submit the worst/strangest analogies and metaphors that their students write, and the "best" ones are published. It's pretty funny: http://chasingdaisy.com/2007/01/19/like-a-hefty-bag-filled-with-vegetable-soup/
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Living the Dream
My mother and sister went on a shopping excursion this afternoon. The usual result of this is the purchase of several items which I have no interest in whatsoever. But today was different, for they returned with a box of ShamWows. That's right, I'm livin the dream. Cloaked in my Snuggie with ShamWow in hand, I am a force to be reckoned with. I can clean spills, dry sweaters or dogs, or polish windows, all without sacrificing warmth. It is a new day, my friends.
Quick note on the Snuggie. On Jimmy Fallon last night, each member of the studio audience was given a Snuggie. Jimmy wore one, and Tracy Morgan came out in one and wore it for the interview. Tracy even called out an audience member who took his off early. The bast part of it all, though, was without a doubt seeing The Roots in Snuggies. For those who don't know, the Roots are Jimmy's late night band. Questlove was just shaking his head, and Black Thought just hung his head in shame. Seeing them in the Snuggies was pretty awesome no doubt.
Quick note on the Snuggie. On Jimmy Fallon last night, each member of the studio audience was given a Snuggie. Jimmy wore one, and Tracy Morgan came out in one and wore it for the interview. Tracy even called out an audience member who took his off early. The bast part of it all, though, was without a doubt seeing The Roots in Snuggies. For those who don't know, the Roots are Jimmy's late night band. Questlove was just shaking his head, and Black Thought just hung his head in shame. Seeing them in the Snuggies was pretty awesome no doubt.
Friday, March 13, 2009
Whatever, I do what I want III
For the third installment of "Whatever, I do what I want!," the award goes to people whose addresses on their houses are spelled out. You know what I'm talking about - "Eighteen Twenty-Four" instead of 1824. In case it wasn't all ready difficult enough, they take it to the next level by writing it in some strange cursive font. I was told of an especially ridiculous one recently, "One thousand, Four hundred and..." There needs to be a rule established. If it is easier to tell your address by looking to the house on your left and then the house on your right and finding the middle, your writing is too pretentious and needs to be changed. Or, hey, how about a bright-line rule: Addresses must be numbers. No exceptions. So congratulations, address spellers. You have earned negative one thousand, twelve hundred, and sixty seven awesome points.
I just saw a preview for tonight's Jimmy Fallon. He and Tracy Morgan are wearing Snuggies, both the dark blue like mine. More on that tomorrow.
I just saw a preview for tonight's Jimmy Fallon. He and Tracy Morgan are wearing Snuggies, both the dark blue like mine. More on that tomorrow.
All-Meal Team
Over the last few years, two friends and I have made a tradition of compiling the all-NCAA Meal Team. These recipes combine delicious meals with top notch NCAA players. And so it is with great pleasure that I deliver the all-NCAA Meal Team
Danny Green Bean Casserole (UNC)
Hasheem ThaBeet Soup (UConn)
Kenneth Faried Chicken (Moorehead State)
John Lamb Chops (Moorehead State)
Garrett Shirley Temple (LSU)
Derrick Brownies (Xavier)
Robbie Hummel Hummus (Purdue)
James HardenSour Soup (Arizona State)
Stephen Curry Chicken (Davidson)
Eric Maynor Lobster (VCU)
Johnny Flynnguini (Syracuse)
Tyrese Rice Pilaf (Boston College)
Rodney Bananas Foster (Rice)
Mai Tai Lawson (UNC)
John Calamari (Memphis)
Perhaps more to come later. In other news, the Big East tournament has not disappointed. Syracuse and UConn went to 6 Overtimes yesterday. SIX! Frankly, there's just not enough of this in sports today. In hockey, they stop playing after an OT and go to a shoot out. In the NFL, it's just a tie (but don't tell Donovan McNabb). NCAA football does a little better, but once you get to 3 OTS you've got to go for two. Basketball's got it right here. If they're still tied, just let em keep playing. It's that simple. No new format, no new rules, just keep going, and we'll check back in 5 minutes to see where you're at. A couple tennis tournaments do this too by not having 5th set tiebreakers. What happens is great matches that will be remembered for a very long time. Nadal/Federer Wimbledon 2008 is a prime example. And now UConn Syracuse BET2009. If they're still tied, just let em play.
Danny Green Bean Casserole (UNC)
Hasheem ThaBeet Soup (UConn)
Kenneth Faried Chicken (Moorehead State)
John Lamb Chops (Moorehead State)
Garrett Shirley Temple (LSU)
Derrick Brownies (Xavier)
Robbie Hummel Hummus (Purdue)
James HardenSour Soup (Arizona State)
Stephen Curry Chicken (Davidson)
Eric Maynor Lobster (VCU)
Johnny Flynnguini (Syracuse)
Tyrese Rice Pilaf (Boston College)
Rodney Bananas Foster (Rice)
Mai Tai Lawson (UNC)
John Calamari (Memphis)
Perhaps more to come later. In other news, the Big East tournament has not disappointed. Syracuse and UConn went to 6 Overtimes yesterday. SIX! Frankly, there's just not enough of this in sports today. In hockey, they stop playing after an OT and go to a shoot out. In the NFL, it's just a tie (but don't tell Donovan McNabb). NCAA football does a little better, but once you get to 3 OTS you've got to go for two. Basketball's got it right here. If they're still tied, just let em keep playing. It's that simple. No new format, no new rules, just keep going, and we'll check back in 5 minutes to see where you're at. A couple tennis tournaments do this too by not having 5th set tiebreakers. What happens is great matches that will be remembered for a very long time. Nadal/Federer Wimbledon 2008 is a prime example. And now UConn Syracuse BET2009. If they're still tied, just let em play.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)